[nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?
Dave Webster
dwebster125 at gmail.com
Sat Dec 28 01:29:50 UTC 2013
Yea. I still at times don't know how to deal with girls. I have a tendency
to move too fast at times when it comes to relationships. I don't mean to
embarrass you or anything but I also have a bit of a strange fettish which
I've struggled with my whole life. I've tried to tlak to therpists about it
but I've noto been able to get them to help with it. They don't want to
touch it when it comes to talking about it. So.
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Beth Taurasi
Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 4:53 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work... advice?
Thanks for being honest, Dave. Sexual advances in high school can be
intimidating, and when I had to be the bold one and do the upper hand job of
taking the initiative to attempt to go to prom or date, I was always accused
of sexual harassment. See the contact info at the bottom of the page email.
Beth Taurasi
Denver Colorado
Skypename: denverqueen0920
Email personal: thebluesisloose at gmail.com
----- Original Message -----
From: "Dave Webster" <dwebster125 at gmail.com
To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'"
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Fri, 27 Dec 2013 16:35:21 -0800
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work...
advice?
Hi Beth. One of the things that happened with me is during high school and
stuff I never dated. I never went to the prom or anything so I kind of knew
how to deal with firls but not totally. I've got sort of some weird stuff
going on when it comes to sexual stuff and all. If you want you can email
me off list because I don't want to post it and I don't want the whole list
to know. Feel free to mail me or skype me if you want to talk more.
-----Original Message-----
From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Beth Taurasi
Sent: Friday, December 27, 2013 4:30 PM
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] When NFB philosophy doesn't seem to work...
advice?
Blocking is the only way to get a harasser off the phone, but there's
something that blind people most often do not learn. We are not often
taught the proper way to deal with sexual advances nor are girls, in this
case your case, taught to call boys. My mother had an archaic view of
girls, the sweet, quiet, shy kind. Well, I've got bad news for all of us:
Blake calls me online every day, but I call Blake on some occasions. We
have a balance of who calls whom, and Blake is aware of my problems.
Perhaps the parents of the girl did not learn what the girl might have. She
could be mentally unstable, mentally unable to deal with the advancement of
others. She could also be creeping your friend out because she didn't learn
the proper way to deal with boys.
As for you, she's probably using you, Kaiti, to get to the boy.
Please
email me off list. I have some tales to tell you about myself and what
happened. Do you have Skype? I can give you that.
Sincerely,
Beth Taurasi
NFB of Denver/Mile High Chapter,
Denver, Colorado
Skype ID: denverqueen0920
On 12/27/2013 3:29 PM, Kaiti Shelton wrote:
Hi all,
I have quite the puzzling situation on my hands, and I am not quite sure
how to handle it. Thoughts?
Almost four years ago my mom and I went to this 3 day seminar for students
in the state voc rehab program with visual impairments.
This Friday evening to Sunday morning seminar was designed to show students
and parents from around the state different employment
> options
that were available, ranging from vending and call center > jobs to taking
the college route to get a degree in a two or four > year program. A
friend of mine and I, who lived close to each other,
were hanging out early on. All of a sudden, this other girl
was
hanging all over him and would not give him his personal space.
It
was very odd, considering that this was a very short period of time > in
which this all happened. Less than 24 hours after the students
> had met,
my friend was so creeped out by the almost constant and > unwanted
attention that he began to avoid this girl. Other students, > seeing how
creeped out he was and some creeped out themselves due to > the same thing,
ended up following suit.
I was sixteen at the time, and could feel for my friend. The girl > was
very much in my face a lot of the time too, but I was a bit more
> patient
with her throughout the weekend. She seemed to be worse > with the guys
than the girls too, so I had a little more space than > my friend.
About 3 months after the program in the summertime, she started calling my
house. The parents at the program were given a list of > the other parents
who attended, along with their phone numbers, so > they could swap
resources if they so chose. This girl got the list > from her parents, and
was using it to call me and my friend, possibly > other students as well
although I am not sure. The calls started off
> being
about once every so often, then increased. She was a very odd > girl, and
liked to complain and cry about her problems to me and my > friend. There
was nothing social about the calls, just complaining > and negativity, and
mumbling which was really weird. He quit talking > to her much sooner than
I did because I tried to get her to see that > being visually impaired,
(she didn't like the word blind since she > was a large print reader, and
kind of used that to elivate herself > above other people), was not the
worst thing in the world. She would > cry and complain, and even tell me I
didn't understand how bad > things were, when her descriptions of things
made it sound like she > was very overdramatic. I decided at the end of my
junior year, a > year after the calls started coming, that I didn't want to
talk to a > downer, and that I wasn't going to be able to convince her that
blindness didn't mean the end of the world.
The girl continued to call. My senior year was very busy with activities
and preparing for college. I would come home from > marching band
practices to find my siblings quite frustrated because > the girl had kept
calling, sometimes as much as 5 or 6 times in a > span of a few hours.
They didn't want to answer the phone because > whenever someone told her I
wasn't home she would instantly get teary > and mumble things to herself,
and it was very weird, but they didn't > want her to continue calling
either. I remember one night over > Christmas break of that year, she
called and when I told her I was > getting ready to leave the house, which
I was to go pick up someone > coming in from out of town for the holidays
with my family, she got > angry and wanted me to give her my cell phone
number. I told her > that I didn't want to give it out, and she started to
get upset.
Then I really had to go, and there was the characteristic mumbling.
My parents have told me that for the past year and a half that I've been in
college that the girl has continued to call. My mom has
> told her
that I live at school and do not come home much multiple > times. My
younger siblings, in frustration, have told her that I've > moved away and
have begun making up different things to tell her to > try to discourage
her from calling. She continues to call, and > around Christmas it is
always terrible. A few nights ago she called > when my parents were asleep
a little after 11:00 at night, and has > apparently called and left
messages late at night before. My parents > have to get up very early for
work, so In order to stop the ringing > and to prevent a message from
playing over the machine I had to > answer. Everything was exactly the
same. I was heading to bed > myself, so I told her that I was asleep when
she asked for me. The > fact that she had called at such a late hour
didn't seem to phase > her, there was just the mumbling and usual stuff
coming over the > line.
I don't quite know what to do. I've tried to be positive with her > and
that hasn't worked. My family has told her that I no longer live
> at home
and am away at school among other things in frustration, but > nothing
seems to phase her. I know she still calls my friend's > house as well,
even though he does not live at home any more either.
I don't quite know what to do about this. I barely know her and she barely
knows me, and in spite of this I have tried to help her with > no success.
My parents and siblings have said that we should just
> block her
calls, but I have hesitated in doing this while I was in > high school
because I didn't want to be mean, and then I honestly > forgot about her
for the most part while I was at school last year > and last semester
because I can't get calls from her there. After > the call a few nights
ago, I don't really know what to think. I am > slightly creeped out that
even after my parents have told her I am > not home for the past year and a
half that the calls are still > coming. What do you think I should do?
-- Kaiti
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