[nabs-l] offensive questions

Tue May 28 13:55:07 UTC 2013

Hi all,

I have been lucky to avoid some of these things in personal
experience, but I've heard of plenty of them.  Two stories that really
show just how far some people will go are this.  A few friends of mine
were out to eat.  They're capable, competent blind teenagers who were
just going about their business eating their meal.  When they stood up
to lead the two mothers who were with them and who had driven the
group to the restaurant started sighted guiding two of the teens.  On
their way out the door this random woman came up to one of the moms
and started saying, "Angel... angel..." over and over because the
woman thought she was so great for sheparding the blind people around.
 She just kind of ignored it and went on her way, and her son and I
had a good laugh when he told me about it later.  Another story
happened to two guys I knew who were trying to catch their flight.
They were in the airport making their way towards their gate, and this
random stranger would not leave them alone.  He wanted to help them
with their luggage, lead them to their gate, and do all sorts of stuff
for them.  Finally they had enough and stopped, and the one man
abandoned all nicities and told the guy they would not move any
further until he left them alone.  It worked and again my friends and
I laughed about it when they told us the story, but it just shows the
ridiculous lengths people will go to when they see the blind as
helpless.  In both cases the people didn't consider that the people
involved were not incompetent.  They had no idea that in some
instances, like in a restaurant where there are people, chairs,
tables, and other things everywhere, it's just simpler to do sighted
guide even if you're a great cane traveler.  The guy at the airport
also failed to consider that these two guys were experienced plane
travelers and obviously knew the airport well enough if they were
ignoring him and still headed towards their gate, because he couldn't
imagine a couple of blind guys making their flight safely on their
own.

My point is that there are nuts everywhere, and like other people with
disabilities we're not the only ones who have to deal with them.  It's
just as infuriating to someone in a wheelchair when someone constantly
wants to push them even if they have a joy stick or can do it
themselves, or since someone is standing over them they talk down to
the person as if they're younger or smaller.  I agree that common
sense isn't very common any more, but when you consider that you have
blind and sighted friends who do get it and understand you, those
crazy, over-the-top people don't seem worth worrying about to me.

As Dave said, the philosophy call hit it on the head.  What I took
away from Anil Lewis and Pam Allen's takes on this is that we
shouldn't deny ourselves the amazing label when we really do something
amazing, and when we're recognized for something that really isn't a
big deal all we can do is try to explain the ways in which we do what
everyone else does.  E.G. If you win a scholarship to study abroad
that is amazing because it's an honor and an opportunity to experience
something new, but (like Miso I had this happen) marching in a high
school marching band using non-visual techniques is just an adapted
way of doing the norm, same as cooking, cleaning one's house, or doing
day-to-day tasks without sighted help.

On 5/28/13, Joshua Lester <JLester8462 at pccua.edu> wrote:
> Hi Miso, and others!
> I liked that last line of your post.
> The great Frinch philosopher, Voltaire said something about common sense.
> "Common Sense isn't so common."
> There's alot of truth to that!
> I've been called all kinds of things, because of my blindness.
> One time, some crazy guy asked me how I knew what keys I was playing on the
> piano, without them being labeled!
> Good grief!
> Ignorance is getting old, but I'm taking this Bible passage to heart.
> In 1 Corinthians 14, it says if any man be ignorant, let them be ignorant.
> Blessings, Joshua
> ________________________________________
> From: nabs-l [nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] on behalf of Miso Kwak
> [kwakmiso at aol.com]
> Sent: Tuesday, May 28, 2013 12:19 AM
> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>
> I have never been intrigued by any discussion on this list as this...
> As many of you mentioned we get comments like "inspirational" and
> "amazing".
> What does the word "inspirational" mean anyways?
> In the last 4 years as a high school student, I have been actively
> involved and thankfully have been recognized in occasions and honestly
> I can't be grateful for how my high school experiences have been.
> Yet I have wondered "Is my life great because I am blind"?
> Once a teacher told me that it's not my blindness but my drive and
> passion that makes me who I am which I deeply appreciate to this day.
> I am obviously inexperienced compare to the majority of you on this
> list for I don't remember being asked questions like "How do you eat?"
> or "How do you use restroom?" yet.
> Most of the questions I get are from my peers or teachers so they were
> mostly never felt rude to me.
> Also as Misty mentioned I believe the culture plays a big role.
> I am originally from South Korea where prejudice against people with
> disabilities is stronger than here in the U.S.
> What was surprising to me when I came here as a middle school student,
> was that even in the US there were people who thought blind people as
> incapable people or how overly anxious people were about my safety.
> For instance, at my first school I had to fight the school district to
> let me ride on school bus with my sighted peers instead of a van with
> extra supervision.
> In the end I think what's important is having people be exposed to
> different types of disabilities or just difference in general from
> early age.
> I have some great sighted friends who know me as an individual and whom
> I feel comfortable being around. I know that when we part after high
> school when they meet other blind people later they will know how to
> get along well.
> I think we experience those "offensive questions" and treatments mostly
> because of lack of knowledge and common sense.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Dave Webster <dwebster125 at gmail.com>
> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Mon, May 27, 2013 9:14 pm
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>
> Hello everybody.  Its Dave.  I don't know how many of you were on that
> call
> that we had with Pam but one of the things we talked about or one of
> the
> things that she talked about was the very thing we're talking about
> right
> now.  that is how sighted people tend to think that what we do as blind
> people is so amazing.  I use to be upset whenever anyone had ever asked
> me
> anything like that.  Now I just most of the time ignore it and go on my
> way.
> I don't really at the time have the time it takes to deprogram them.
> One of
> the things that Pam said was that we want to be thought of as amazing
> if we
> truly do something that is amazing.  If someone who is blind let's say
> wins
> the nobel peace prize thaat is truly amazing whether or not they are
> blind
> or sighted.  so what it is is that we want to be called amazing when we
> as
> blind people do something that is truly amazing.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Desiree Oudinot
> Sent: Monday, May 27, 2013 8:59 PM
> To: Misty Dawn Bradley ; National Association of Blind Students mailing
> list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>
> Misty,
> I've gotten questions like that, too, and many reactions like the ones
> you've described. For the one about walking around your own house,
> that one especially makes me crazy. Like sighted people have never
> stumbled to the bathroom in the middle of the night, in the dark?
> Sometimes, I think people just lack common sense, which, frankly, is
> becoming more and more uncommon.
> As for the other situation you described, I don't know how I would
> have handled that. you were right to walk away. When a person can't
> take no for an answer, or "I'm fine, thank you", their issue goes far
> deeper than just ignorance about your disability. You have to wonder
> if they can set boundaries in their other relationships as well. It's
> like the people who grab you as you're walking down the street,
> minding your own business and walking purposefully, not lost or
> anything. At least the ones who pity you but keep their distance have
> some semblance of common sense, and of what personal space is. Those
> other people, obviously, do not.
>
> On 5/27/13, Misty Dawn Bradley <mistydbradley at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Desiree,
>> I agree with you. I can understand if the questions are not obvious,
> such
>> as
>> how a blind person uses a computer or even how we travel, but I get
> crazy
>> questions like you have mentioned. The ones I get a lot are:
>> "How do you cook?"
>> "How do you clean?"
>> "Who helps you around the house? You don't have ANYONE helping you?"
>> Also, I notice that if I answer the questions with what I actually do
> and
>> that I don't have help, that person acts surprised and acts like it
> is
>> such
>> a travesty that I live alone with my young daughter and have no help
> or
>> anyone doing everything for me, even so I have been on my own for
> about 7
>> years now. When I explain that I do cook on my own, the person
> responds
>> very
>> surprised and tells me, "Be careful, be careful when you cook!" I had
> this
>> experience just yesterday, and I found that my explanations got me
> nowhere
>> and just made them even more surprised and afraid I guess, and it
> made me
>> feel very frustrated, as if I was an invalid who needed constant,
>> around-the-clock care or something. I was actually out yesterday, and
>> after
>> all of the questions this person asked me, the person proceeded to
> not
>> allow
>> me to do anything for myself while there, even so I frequent that
>> particular
>> place at least once weekly and know how to get around it using my
> cane.
>> This
>> person followed me absolutely everywhere and kept grabbing onto me and
>> giving me unnecessary directions, even though I explained to her that
> I
>> knew
>> the area and didn't need help, and the way she spoke to me was as if
> I
>> were
>> a small child. I ended up leaving to go home early before everyone
> else
>> because I got fed up with the way I was being treated. I couldn't
> even
>> stand
>> up out of my seat without being asked, "Where are you going?" and
> being
>> told
>> to sit back down and that they would do whatever it was that I was
> trying
>> to
>> do for me.
>> Anyway, I hope I didn't digress from the topic at hand, but this just
> goes
>> to show that some people don't want to be educated about what blind
> people
>> can do and seem to want to contain the blind person into a box. I do
> find
>> that there are some that are genuinely curious and really want to be
>> educated, but some, like the person I mentioned above, don't pay
> attention
>> to explanations of how you do things as a blind person or even think
> that
>> you can do things for yourself. I find this especially when dealing
> with
>> people, like this person above, from countries and cultures where
> blind
>> people are viewed as less or that they are not able to do anything for
>> themselves without someone doing everything for them.
>> Misty
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Desiree Oudinot" <turtlepower17 at gmail.com>
>> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, May 27, 2013 7:48 PM
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>>
>>
>>> Hi,
>>> I agree with what has been said here so far. Sighted people often
>>> don't know how they would do something if they were blind. to them,
>>> sight is 95% of their existance. I don't get offended by questions
>>> such as how I use a computer, or how I travel independently. Those
>>> kind of questions make sense, once you put yourself in their shoes.
>>> For the average, nondisabled person, any kind of disability is
>>> paralyzingly frightening. It's better to ease their minds, which
> will,
>>> hopefully, help them to understand what's possible for a blind person
>>> to accomplish. If you remove the fear from a situation, it allows for
>>> more clear thinking. what I have little tolerance for are the truly
>>> ignorant questions, like how do you eat when  You can't see? Or how
> do
>>> you go to the bathroom? Now, come on. the average sighted person
> knows
>>> that they're not watching their mouths while they eat, or watching
>>> behind them after they take care of their business. Those kind of
>>> questions are idiotic, and should be dealt with accordingly. Besides,
>>> I don't think a sighted person would dare ask just any random
> stranger
>>> those questions, regardless of what they felt the person's abilities
>>> and limits were. How is it all right for people to cross those
>>> boundaries just because a person is blind? I feel violated when a
>>> perfect stranger asks me questions like that out of the blue.
>>>
>>> On 5/27/13, Miso Kwak <kwakmiso at aol.com> wrote:
>>>> I get similar questions like "If you are blind how do you march in a
>>>> marching band?" "How do you use Facebook?"
>>>> I have never thought of them as offensive thought because I would be
>>>> asking the same thing if I were in the shoes of those who ask me
> such
>>>> questions.
>>>> I think it's important that we have an open mind and be equipped to
>>>> explain and share.
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: Anna Givens <annajee82 at gmail.com>
>>>> To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Sent: Mon, May 27, 2013 2:45 pm
>>>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>>>>
>>>> I totally agree!  And as a formerly "sighted" person I will say that
>>>> people are afraid to ask questions, because they are afraid to
> offend.
>>>>
>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>
>>>> On May 25, 2013, at 1:40 AM, The weird writer
>>>> <weirdwriter9891 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> The restaurant bustles with activity as my date and I sit opposite
>>>> each other, talking about ourselves and what we do. To my immediate
>>>> right, a woman is talking to her mom on her cell phone about the
>>>> baseball game she missed. Different smells bounce off my nose as men
>>>> and women pass us making their way to their tables. Dishes clatter
> in
>>>> the kitchen behind me, and my date’s cologne, masked over with
>>>> deodorant, sprays my sense of smell as I gaze towards his ebony
>>>> accented voice. We’re chatting jovially, our laughter dicing holes
> in
>>>> conversations around us, making people stop, and, I'm sure, stare at
>>>> this interracial gay couple.
>>>>>
>>>>> When the dishes come, we get into the topic of careers. He's a
>>>> teacher. With a mouth full, and hesitation dotting his syllables
> like
>>>> rain, he asks me a very important question.
>>>>>
>>>>> “If you’re blind, how can you be a journalist?”
>>>>>
>>>>> Instantly the talons rise, and my fingers toy with the idea of
>>>> creeping towards his throat. A dozen retorts bang into my head as
> if it
>>>> were a chamber full of bullets, ready to blast this rude insensitive
>>>> sighted person away. After a split second however, I suddenly
> realize
>>>> that he's never seen adaptive technology, and he's never seen a
> Braille
>>>> display, and he's certainly never seen a victor reader stream or a
>>>> computer with a screen reader before. He's not in my world and he
> never
>>>> was. Taking a deep breath, I explain how I'm a journalist when I'm
>>>> blind, all with a huge smile on my face. The reason I choose to
> answer
>>>> all his questions, and many others, instead of following my gut
>>>> instinct to be sarcastic is, he may not be in my world, but I know
> he
>>>> can be if I just teach him.
>>>>>
>>>>> Whenever I hang around blind people and we make jokes about speech
>>>> synthesizers that sighted people wouldn't understand a sentence is
>>>> uttered without fail. Sooner or later, we get to talking about
> sighted
>>>> people and their lack of blindness knowledge. The words fly at me
> like
>>>> sharp bullets that are not meant for me. They’re angry at the
> sighted
>>>> people who ask us how we type on a computer. It's an angry question
>>>> that's become a common one in the blindness community.
>>>>>
>>>>> “They should know better. Why are they so stupid?”
>>>>>
>>>>> When that's uttered, I immediately see things through the sighted
>>>> point of view. The truth is, they won’t be an expert about blindness
>>>> ways or technology. They shouldn’t know better because no one knows
>>>> everything, especially about a different way of living. They
> shouldn’t
>>>> know better. Instead, we have to get angry less, and educate more.
>>>>>
>>>>> Education is the key of knowledge that will turn itself, unlocking
>>>> the right doors if the right direction is given. Among the disabled
>>>> community who tend to get angry when they're asked to educate, this
>>>> applies to people with HIV and aids as well.
>>>>>
>>>>> I've seen countless instances where someone with HIV or AIDS gets
>>>> offended when a potential partner asks him if he will contract if
> they
>>>> exchange saliva. The contracted person became offended, and stormed
>>>> off, hurt. Upon further investigation, I learned that his date
> didn't
>>>> even know what HIV did. He didn't even know that it didn't have a
> cure.
>>>>>
>>>>> A lot of people say ignorance is bliss, but it's also a divider.
> Even
>>>> today, the biggest hurtle that we all have to overcome is inclusion
> and
>>>> acceptance, even among the gay community, disabled community, and
> HIV
>>>> community. In today's day and age, just simple curiosity could ruin
> a
>>>> good friendship or relationship because of “offensive questions.”
> That
>>>> divide grows because we are easily offended at the questions we
> asked
>>>> ourselves at one point.
>>>>>
>>>>> When I was learning the bus route for my daily commutes, I wondered
>>>> if it would even work, me having to travel on the bus for field
>>>> reporting. I've asked the same question as my restaurant date. “How
> am
>>>> I going to be a journalist?” with patience, and persistence, I
> figured
>>>> out the answers with trial and error and learning from my own past
>>>> mistakes. If I would have let my own question offend me then I
> wouldn't
>>>> have figured out the answer.
>>>>>
>>>>> I don't have HIV but I had to ask the above question in order to
> find
>>>> out that you can't get HIV from a small exchange of saliva. I know
> now
>>>> how to better do my job as a blind journalist because I had to find
> an
>>>> answer. I couldn't let those two questions go unanswered. If I did,
>>>> then how blissful would I be, ignorant about knowledge that would
> help
>>>> someone else as well as me in the future.
>>>>>
>>>>> I don't think anyone should remain in the dark if I have an answer
> to
>>>> a question. Answers, with all their simplicity sprinkle awareness
> along
>>>> with their validity. Not far behind awareness comes understanding,
> and
>>>> soon, acceptance. An answer to a seemingly offensive question
> doesn't
>>>> just satisfy curiosity but it opens up a door to understand. There
> are
>>>> a lot of other positive things behind that door even if they’re not
>>>> visible immediately. Some effects are immediate, such as inclusion,
> and
>>>> others are far off, such as advocacy born from awareness.
>>>>>
>>>>> When I look around and see a world that's divided as it is, I don’t
>>>> want to divide it even more just because someone asks me how I use a
>>>> computer. If education breeds positive results then people who live
> in
>>>> different conditions should educate others how they do it. it's the
>>>> only way to end these “offensive questions.”
>>>>>
>>>>> The goal of inclusion is to do just that, include. My sighted date
>>>> lives in an ethnic world I'll never completely understand because
> I've
>>>> never lived through the discriminatory history but I can ask
> questions,
>>>> and with each answer, I'm no longer on the outside anymore. We’re
>>>> together. With every answer I give about my adaptive life, we’re
> coming
>>>> together in a way that offended people won’t be able to do for a
> very
>>>> long time. He understands me now and that's the most valuable
> education
>>>> I could ever give.
>>>>>
>>>>> If people really want to have us unite to stand for a positive
> voice
>>>> then we can't widen the distance because we’re offended at
> questions.
>>>> Instead, we should open our world to people and share as much as we
>>>> can, if asked. If we keep doing that I know that the door will open
>>>> wide enough to let all of us through to a better world, a world
> where
>>>> we all know each other, stand for one another, and unite for
> equality
>>>> and embrace the best teacher of all, differences. That would make a
>>>> beautifully educated world, one where I’d be happy to say that this
>>>> positive change was the result of answering offensive questions.
>>>>>
>>>>> /*See below for resume, writing links, social media links, and
> other
>>>> writing archives
>>>>> */
>>>>>
>>>>> *Click here to view my resume*
>>>>>
>>>>
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>
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>>>>>
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>>>>>
>>>>> *Click here to view my website/
>>>>> /
>>>>
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>>>>> */
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-- 
Kaiti