[nabs-l] offensive questions

Tue May 28 22:32:18 UTC 2013

If I ruled the world.
All of the sighted people would be blind for a few years.
The blind would be in control and we would do all the patronizing things 
that they do to us to them.
*dreamful sigh*.

Sincerely,
Melissa and Pj
"Forever is composed of nows." -Emily Dickinson
facebook Melissa R Green
Linkedin www.linkedin.com/in/melissagreen5674
skype: lissa5674

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Arielle Silverman" <arielle71 at gmail.com>
To: "Misty Dawn Bradley" <MistyDBradley at gmail.com>; "National Association of 
Blind Students mailing list" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, May 27, 2013 7:45 PM
Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions

Misty,
What happened to you yesterday sounds very aggravating. If I may ask,
was this offending person an employee at an establishment where you
were hanging out, or just someone who was part of your social group?
If she was an employee, then perhaps you might want to call the
manager and complain about what happened? It's one thing to ask
questions, but what's maddening about this situation is that it sounds
like you told her how you do things, and how you prefer to be treated,
and she simply didn't listen. I often feel like strangers I encounter
on the street don't fully listen to what I am saying. Sometimes if I
do need some information and ask a question, they don't really listen
to my question and just say what they think I want to hear. For
example, on Saturday I was walking through a parking lot to get to a
restaurant. There was a sidewalk path, but I remembered that it had
been under construction and was walking in  the parking lot to avoid
the construction. Someone came up and offered to help me get back on
the sidewalk. I asked him if the sidewalk barricades had been removed,
but instead of answering me he kept saying he wanted to help me get
back on the sidewalk and going on about how dangerous it was for me to
be walking in the parking lot. Anyway, I finally had to stop him and
say "Could you please answer the question I'm asking you? Are there
barricades on the sidewalk?" and finally he told me the barricades had
been removed. It would have gone much faster for both of us if he had
just answered my original question the first time and then I could
have moved to the sidewalk without assistance.
I also think the patronizing actions of others are most frustrating of
all. Too often I have people patting me on the arm or telling me I'm
doing a good job as I walk by them, as if I need a cheerleader. I
sometimes am tempted to grab some of these people, inform them that I
will be receiving my Ph.D. in the next year, and then ask them if they
would speak to an adult of my educational stature this way?
As a psychologist I am really intrigued by the ways that sighted
people think about how they would behave if they became blind. It has
been well-documented that people neglect how much they can, and would,
adapt to new situations over time. The fact is that if any of these
doubting sighted folks became blind, they would have to adapt in order
to keep living their lives. Some of them might lapse into depression,
or be rich enough to hire full-time help with everything, but most of
these people would be resilient enough (and practical enough) to learn
the exact same skills we take for granted. However, sighted people
looking into the future don't realize that this would happen. In one
of my blindness simulation experiments I actually asked sighted people
how well they thought they could perform various activities if they
became blind, and most said they thought they would be extremely
incapable. Notably, this was worse for those who had just been
blindfolded and asked to walk around with a cane without any training.
The participants' ratings of how capable they would be as blind people
were closely related to their ratings of how capable actual blind
people would be at the exact same tasks, suggesting that sighted
people think about how they would do it and then use that prediction
to make a judgment about how others would do the same thing blind.
I think when we work on educating people, we want to get across to
them that blindness techniques are things that pretty much anyone can
learn. Those of us who have learned blindness techniques aren't
special and we don't have superpowers. We just learned these skills
because we were motivated to do normal things and we had no other
choice but to use the alternative skills. It's simply not practical
for most of us to have sighted help doing everything, and when we do
take sighted assistance there is often a cost of some sort (monetary
cost, being a burden on others or giving up some of our freedom). So
to minimize these costs we figure out nonvisual ways to get things
done. That's it.

Arielle

On 5/27/13, Misty Dawn Bradley <mistydbradley at gmail.com> wrote:
> Arielle,
> I get those same comments about being "amazing" or "inspiring" also. I
> usually just respond by saying that I am a normal person who is just doing
> what they need to do in life. I try to explain also how I do it if there 
> is
> time, but usually I do not know what to say either, so I just tell them 
> that
> I just do what I need to do like other people do. A lot of sighted people
> tell me that they could never travel independently or do anything on their
> own if they were blind and that they would have someone doing everything 
> for
> them all of the time. I just tell them that there are things in life that
> need to get done, such as grocery shopping, working, and many other daily
> things, and it is much easier and makes me feel more free and independent 
> to
> do these things when I want to do them instead of always relying on 
> everyone
> to take me or do it for me on their own time. I have a lot more freedom 
> and
> flexibility that way. Sometimes, when I put it that way, they can 
> understand
> somewhat what I mean, and they will tell me so.
> Misty
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Arielle Silverman" <arielle71 at gmail.com>
> To: <jsoro620 at gmail.com>; "National Association of Blind Students mailing
> list" <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Monday, May 27, 2013 8:42 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>
>
>> Agreed. Unfortunately there are times when people ask questions out of
>> doubt or sarcasm rather than out of true curiosity. They already
>> believe we can't do something and answering their question about how
>> we do it doesn't persuade them to give us a job, or a second date, or
>> whatever. Sometimes it's hard to tell if a question is asked out of
>> curiosity or if the questioner has already made up his/her mind.
>> However, I do think we should give folks the benefit of the doubt and
>> at least attempt to educate them the best we can. We don't want
>> well-intentioned folks to feel they have to bottle their questions
>> inside and never learn what they want to learn about blindness. I also
>> agree that if a question crosses personal boundaries, such as a
>> question about how we handle toilet matters, then it should be
>> addressed more assertively. I have luckily not been asked any
>> questions that I found to be rude or invasive, but I know others have
>> at times.
>> I don't mind answering (appropriate) questions at all, but I am always
>> stumped when some stranger tells me I am
>> amazing/brave/inspiring/courageous. I can never figure out how to
>> respond in such a way that acknowledges their goodwill but also
>> attempts to educate them about the fact I am not very amazing or brave
>> just because I can walk somewhere by myself. I could just say "thank
>> you" and move on, but I don't like doing that because I feel like by
>> thanking them I am validating what they think about blind people being
>> amazing for doing the simplest things. Sometimes I find myself just
>> ignoring the comment because I don't know what to say. Other times I
>> will attempt to briefly explain the relevant techniques that I use, if
>> time allows and if they seem interested. How do you handle this?
>>
>> Arielle
>>
>> On 5/27/13, Joe <jsoro620 at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> Damn, this stupid JAWS thing isn't letting me respond to sender. LOL 
>>> Just
>>>
>>> to
>>> chime in that I thought this was an excellent and well-written post. I'm
>>> sure you're a superb journalist.--Joe
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of The weird
>>> writer
>>> Sent: Saturday, May 25, 2013 1:40 AM
>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>> Subject: [nabs-l] offensive questions
>>>
>>> The restaurant bustles with activity as my date and I sit opposite each
>>> other, talking about ourselves and what we do. To my immediate right, a
>>> woman is talking to her mom on her cell phone about the baseball game 
>>> she
>>> missed. Different smells bounce off my nose as men and women pass us
>>> making
>>> their way to their tables. Dishes clatter in the kitchen behind me, and
>>> my
>>> date’s cologne, masked over with deodorant, sprays my sense of smell as 
>>> I
>>> gaze towards his ebony accented voice. We’re chatting jovially, our
>>> laughter
>>> dicing holes in conversations around us, making people stop, and, I'm
>>> sure,
>>> stare at this interracial gay couple.
>>>
>>> When the dishes come, we get into the topic of careers. He's a teacher.
>>> With a mouth full, and hesitation dotting his syllables like rain, he
>>> asks
>>> me a very important question.
>>>
>>> “If you’re blind, how can you be a journalist?”
>>>
>>> Instantly the talons rise, and my fingers toy with the idea of creeping
>>> towards his throat. A dozen retorts bang into my head as if it were a
>>> chamber full of bullets, ready to blast this rude insensitive sighted
>>> person
>>> away. After a split second however, I suddenly realize that he's never
>>> seen
>>> adaptive technology, and he's never seen a Braille display, and he's
>>> certainly never seen a victor reader stream or a computer with a screen
>>> reader before. He's not in my world and he never was. Taking a deep
>>> breath,
>>> I explain how I'm a journalist when I'm blind, all with a huge smile on
>>> my
>>> face. The reason I choose to answer all his questions, and many others,
>>> instead of following my gut instinct to be sarcastic is, he may not be 
>>> in
>>>
>>> my
>>> world, but I know he can be if I just teach him.
>>>
>>> Whenever I hang around blind people and we make jokes about speech
>>> synthesizers that sighted people wouldn't understand a sentence is
>>> uttered
>>> without fail. Sooner or later, we get to talking about sighted people 
>>> and
>>> their lack of blindness knowledge. The words fly at me like sharp 
>>> bullets
>>> that are not meant for me. They’re angry at the sighted people who ask 
>>> us
>>> how we type on a computer. It's an angry question that's become a common
>>> one
>>> in the blindness community.
>>>
>>> “They should know better. Why are they so stupid?”
>>>
>>> When that's uttered, I immediately see things through the sighted point
>>> of
>>> view. The truth is, they won’t be an expert about blindness ways or
>>> technology. They shouldn’t know better because no one knows everything,
>>> especially about a different way of living. They shouldn’t know better.
>>> Instead, we have to get angry less, and educate more.
>>>
>>> Education is the key of knowledge that will turn itself, unlocking the
>>> right
>>> doors if the right direction is given. Among the disabled community who
>>> tend
>>> to get angry when they're asked to educate, this applies to people with
>>> HIV
>>> and aids as well.
>>>
>>> I've seen countless instances where someone with HIV or AIDS gets
>>> offended
>>> when a potential partner asks him if he will contract if they exchange
>>> saliva. The contracted person became offended, and stormed off, hurt.
>>> Upon
>>> further investigation, I learned that his date didn't even know what HIV
>>> did. He didn't even know that it didn't have a cure.
>>>
>>> A lot of people say ignorance is bliss, but it's also a divider. Even
>>> today,
>>> the biggest hurtle that we all have to overcome is inclusion and
>>> acceptance,
>>> even among the gay community, disabled community, and HIV community. In
>>> today's day and age, just simple curiosity could ruin a good friendship
>>> or
>>> relationship because of “offensive questions.” That divide grows because
>>> we
>>> are easily offended at the questions we asked ourselves at one point.
>>>
>>> When I was learning the bus route for my daily commutes, I wondered if 
>>> it
>>> would even work, me having to travel on the bus for field reporting.
>>> I've asked the same question as my restaurant date. “How am I going to 
>>> be
>>>
>>> a
>>> journalist?” with patience, and persistence, I figured out the answers
>>> with
>>> trial and error and learning from my own past mistakes. If I would have
>>> let
>>> my own question offend me then I wouldn't have figured out the answer.
>>>
>>> I don't have HIV but I had to ask the above question in order to find 
>>> out
>>> that you can't get HIV from a small exchange of saliva. I know now how 
>>> to
>>> better do my job as a blind journalist because I had to find an answer. 
>>> I
>>> couldn't let those two questions go unanswered. If I did, then how
>>> blissful
>>> would I be, ignorant about knowledge that would help someone else as 
>>> well
>>>
>>> as
>>> me in the future.
>>>
>>> I don't think anyone should remain in the dark if I have an answer to a
>>> question. Answers, with all their simplicity sprinkle awareness along
>>> with
>>> their validity. Not far behind awareness comes understanding, and soon,
>>> acceptance. An answer to a seemingly offensive question doesn't just
>>> satisfy
>>> curiosity but it opens up a door to understand. There are a lot of other
>>> positive things behind that door even if they’re not visible 
>>> immediately.
>>> Some effects are immediate, such as inclusion, and others are far off,
>>> such
>>> as advocacy born from awareness.
>>>
>>> When I look around and see a world that's divided as it is, I don’t want
>>> to
>>> divide it even more just because someone asks me how I use a computer. 
>>> If
>>> education breeds positive results then people who live in different
>>> conditions should educate others how they do it. it's the only way to 
>>> end
>>> these “offensive questions.”
>>>
>>> The goal of inclusion is to do just that, include. My sighted date lives
>>> in
>>> an ethnic world I'll never completely understand because I've never 
>>> lived
>>> through the discriminatory history but I can ask questions, and with 
>>> each
>>> answer, I'm no longer on the outside anymore. We’re together.
>>> With every answer I give about my adaptive life, we’re coming together 
>>> in
>>>
>>> a
>>> way that offended people won’t be able to do for a very long time.
>>> He understands me now and that's the most valuable education I could 
>>> ever
>>> give.
>>>
>>> If people really want to have us unite to stand for a positive voice 
>>> then
>>>
>>> we
>>> can't widen the distance because we’re offended at questions.
>>> Instead, we should open our world to people and share as much as we can,
>>> if
>>> asked. If we keep doing that I know that the door will open wide enough
>>> to
>>> let all of us through to a better world, a world where we all know each
>>> other, stand for one another, and unite for equality and embrace the 
>>> best
>>> teacher of all, differences. That would make a beautifully educated
>>> world,
>>> one where I’d be happy to say that this positive change was the result 
>>> of
>>> answering offensive questions.
>>>
>>> /*See below for resume, writing links, social media links, and other
>>> writing
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>>
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