[nabs-l] Reverse Venting

[Peter Donahue]

Hello Ashley and everyone,

    Never mind getting half-arse training! Get over your hang-ups, Attend an 
NFB Center , complete it's core curriculum sleepshades and all and you'll be 
well on your way to becoming independent and making something of yourself. 
Don't sell yourself short. If it's the lighthouse approach your family is 
objecting to good for them! Now get on with it girl and let's stand on the 
mountain top together. Call this reverse venting.

Peter Donahue


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Ashley Bramlett" <bookwormahb at earthlink.net>
To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list" 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, April 24, 2014 1:35 PM
Subject: [nabs-l] living skills, unsupportive family and negative words


> Hi all,
>
> I am going to mainly vent here. Although I may not attend a nfb center, I 
> feel I should go for some training or get in house training from the 
> lighthouse.
>
> I want training tailored to the classes I need without sleepshades and nfb 
> centers have you take everything.
>
> Anyway, I’m very hurt that my mom won’t support training.
> For those who did not read much from me before, I’ll say I grew up in a 
> middle class family; pretty in tact. While I did receive fairly good 
> academic support to learn braille, large print, how to label and organize 
> papers, use a talking calculator, and even some jaws training, I did not 
> receive much training in regard to living skills.
> I did receive traditional O&M but did get much better O&M training as an 
> adult from our state agency.
> My vr agency instructor taught me in some what of a discovery fashion and 
> she encouraged exploration and had me plan routes.
> She taught me about our metro system too.
>
> I do have basic living skills from learning via a rehab teacher who came 
> to our home and attending our state center. but I did not get everything 
> at the state center as ADL was only twice a week.
>
> So, when possibly going to WSB for the IRS program came up, mom was 
> negative saying no way I cannot live on my own and how I don’t try 
> anything.
> She never says anything positive to move forward. I
> don’t like the idea of WSB but it was brought up with my new counselor.
>
> She doesn’t support training. She blames me. I’m so tired and hurt she 
> keeps bllaming me. Okay, I cannot simply read a recipe and cook. you have 
> to know how to cut vegies better than I do. You have to know how to 
> measure well and cook meat.
> I’ve seen recipies and I don’t understand the lingo.
>
> She says things like
> “oh, you don’t need training you had enough. You  just need to try things. 
> You’re here often and don’t do much.” I say I do and I do my laundry and 
> make sandwiches for instance. I said I looked for work myself.
> I have used and tried to be actuve with the skills I have.
> “Why don’t you look around the kitchen and get recipies and try to cook? 
> you just aren’t adventurous. You should do more.”
>
> I tell her I don’t know how. she just fails to get it. I am not lazy. I’m 
> fairly resourceful; I even taught myself some stuff on the computer. those 
> fs webinars are helpful.
> When I was on my own in college, I did explore the area and went to a few 
> malls on my own. My parents wouldn’t support that except for going to the 
> mall where my gym is since they know I had a little orientation to it and 
> I know its layout mostly. So I did use my O&M skills.
> When I suggest going places, it seems I often hear from mom, I’ll be lost 
> and no way I could find my way. Okay, I cannot do outside safely, but 
> indoors there should be no excuse; there are people to gather directions 
> from, and walls around so you can only go so far astray.
> Thing is my mother is the least supportive person. Never has she showed me 
> to make a dish and she did not even teach me to tie my shoes. My TVI did 
> the shoe thing. Never has she tried to help me much learn anything. Well, 
> she did not help my brothers much but they can see others do it via tv or 
> something.
>
> I’m so tired she blames me when she is the big problem and then to say I 
> don’t need more training is worse. Its like to her, I’m a lost case, and 
> even if I’m trained I won’t learn and won’t try. Not true at all. I’ve 
> used a lot of skills I learned.
>
> It is just so amazing my mom won’t support my independence and feels I’m 
> incapable of it. I guess I’ll someday move and prove her otherwise.
>
> Ashley
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