[nabs-l] highschool question

Sat Aug 30 06:43:32 UTC 2014

I have to say, this message made me really sad. Not because I've not 
delt with some of this, but because it just felt really really negative 
and bitter and I've done that too. The thing with high school is it is 
really cliquy. I was wandering around blindly on the first day just 
trying to learn it and this random girl came up to me and asked me to go 
sit with her. It was weird and awkward and not everyone is going to get 
this lucky, but I went and sat with her and her friend and they asked me 
to go hang out with them at lunch the next day. After that it was just a 
ritual and I pretty much had friends through the rest of hs. I know 100% 
that it wasn't a pity case because they were really amazing people, they 
were just good people. Finding friends is something the same, if you 
have aquaintances go have lunch with them. In hs just spend time, go 
bowling do whatever it is that you guys like doing, but find something 
you really share and run with it. Your limits are all yourself.

Talking to people is another issue I've heard brought up a few times in 
relation to these same issues. I've never really had the idea that I 
want to go out and get trashed and all of that, so that set me apart 
from a lot of people, at least in my first college. Where I'm at now, 
it's the total opposite: people go stock up on chips and soda and game 
all night, which is also not really something I can do. I had friends 
before, but I don't know that many people now. It's not really anyone 
elses fault but my own, because I really could make an effort and go 
meet people. On the conversation scale though, I don't really think I'm 
above anyone and they have to be superficial. Each person has their own 
likes, interests and ideas and I really like talking to different 
people. Some I can have better longer conversations with, but I've met 
very few people who I just can't talk to. For me it's more a matter of 
knowing about different stuff. I don't have to be a biologist to talk to 
someone about their biology degree, nor do I need to be a nurse to talk 
to someone about nursing. A lot of it is just getting on what they like 
and asking questions or just listening. This obviously might be a lot 
harder in hs, but in college it really does become easier.

I understand that this is really subjective, but in the end I think your 
outlook can make a whole lot of a difference. Will it stop people from 
befriending you because they pity you? Probably not, but it can give you 
a totally different attitude. I really do think that having a positive 
outlook on something can make a world of difference.
On 8/29/2014 9:38 PM, Lillie Pennington via nabs-l wrote:
> I have to agree with Kurts ideology here.
> My high school has a general reputation, which I have found to be pretty
> true in my experience, to be extremely clicky. These clicks don't seem to
> have room for me besides being a cherody case.
> Sure, their nice enough to me, but at the end of the day they really don't
> see the true values of being my friend.
> There are several pretty cool people that I'm pretty good acquaintances with
> at my school; however, they have other friends, so as I said its an
> acquaintance. I'm trying to not push back too hard because then again, I run
> the risk of being a cherity case; and that is a risk I am not willing to
> take.
> I would rather know that I am not wanted/do not fit in vs being  someone to
> be pitied.
>
> Part of this dates back to elementary school; quite honestly, I was a weird
> child that not a lot of people, blind or sited wanted to be friends with me.
> There were adults seemingly hovering all over the place, and what elementary
> school child would want to deal with that? That said, I did know a few
> pretty cool people. I was also the target once of an extended period of
> pretty not-so-good teacher behavior, shall we say. I was the kid that was
> quite sad and really did not feel that I could relate to other people my
> age.
>
> Relating is something I still kind of have problems with today. I don't
> really feel that I care that much about today's generation trends such as
> posting enormous amounts of pictures and other weird stuff on social media,
> and obsessing over fashion, for example. I also do not really feel that they
> could relate to day-to-day things with blindness, such as even the small
> things like being annoyed that I had to do one of my TVI's weird assignments
> in study hall verses being able to do my homework. I sometimes have trouble
> coming up with conversation topics with my peers aside from a superficial
> level. I also feel that I am a little more mature (I'm not sure if that's
> the right word) and that I had to grow up a lot more quickly than my sited
> peers.
>
> Anyway, onto the original topic.
> I'd definitely recommend joining some extracurriculars that you like, or
> have an interest in. I'd also try to make sure that you have the
> independence skills to be able to be a valuable contributor to the club and
> not just sit around. You have to be able to prove right from the start that
> you have something to contribute. I've met some of my afquaintances this
> way.
>
> One last thing to be aware of: If this is an issue, I'd make sure that your
> school staff know that absolutely under no circumstances are they to set you
> up with friends, in the sense to ask someone to be your friend. I had a
> group of friends (who I thought were my friends, anyway) in middle school
> who I have very strong reason to suspect, although I could never prove it,
> that my aid at the time or someone else asked them to feel sorry for me and
> to be my friends. Anyway, once I pretty much figured it out, It served as a
> very strong source of humiliation for me and I hope nobody else has hod to
> go through that.
>
> I am sorry for the overall tone of this email being negative. I am sure most
> of you have had good experiences, and I am not trying to discount them or
> create a sob story. I am just trying to paint a full  picture here.
>   
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kirt via nabs-l
> Sent: Friday, August 29, 2014 8:59 PM
> To: louvins at gmail.com; National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] highschool question
>
> This is fascinating. High school was when I first started to realize, if
> only subconsciously, that most people don't treat me like a normal person
> and blindness is pretty much the main reason. It's gotten better since, as
> I've learned to balance quality humor with genuine competence, but it's not
> an easy thing.
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
>> On Aug 29, 2014, at 6:27 PM, Joshua Hendrickson via nabs-l
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> Hello to Anna and all.  I agree with what has already been said.
>> Don't be afraid to joke around about your blindness if you are
>> comfortable doing that.  I always used to joke around in college
>> classes when I felt the time was right.  I got a lot of pretty good
>> laughs from students from time to time.  I've also had a class of
>> students become silent after I've made a joke and the teacher being
>> afraid of offending me which I thought was pretty funny, since I'd
>> been the one who made the joke in the first place.  Don't be afraid to
>> talk to people around you.  If someone asks you a question about
>> blindness answer the question if you can.  One time, I had a girl
>> after one of my college math classes aproach me, and ask me some
>> questions about what it was like being blind.  She wasn't even in my
>> usual math class.  I answered her questions, then she came up to me in
>> the studen center a few days later, and asked me a question, that I
>> had never thought about.  She asked me how do you talk to a blind
>> person?  I didn't laugh, although, I thought this was a different
>> question.  I told her, you talk to a blind person the same way you
>> talk to a sighted person.  Making friends can be very nice.  Good
>> luck.
>>
>>> On 8/29/14, Sofia Gallo via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>> Totally agree with Marissa, I've had a similar experience and I joke
>>> about stuff all the time (smile)
>>>
>>>> On 8/29/14, Marissa Tejeda via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>> I know this may sound...  (lack for a word right now).
>>>> I have made friends very easily all my life.  High school may seem
>>>> hard, but it really isn't.  (smiles) I'm in the tenth grade, and
>>>> have bunches of friends.  I am in band, but when I play with the
>>>> others, no one notices I'm blind.
>>>> It would help if I had some music, but that's a different story.
>>>> I did perform in a pep rally last year.  I got two standing
>>>> ovations, (there were two rallies so everyone in the school could
>>>> go).
>>>> I sat at a table by myself, one day.  (This was just this week.) Two
>>>> girls sat across from me.  I didn't talk, so they didn't talk to me,
>>>> (same would have happened, had I been able to see).  Then, my
>>>> friends, Michelle and Jessica, came and sat by me.  I started
>>>> talking with them; the two girls that sat across from me were
>>>> friends of there's.  we ended up having a great time and now, I can
>>>> ALMOST tell them by voice.  I still get confused between Michelle
>>>> and Jessica, but I'm getting better.
>>>>
>>>> Just be open about it.  This may sound cruel to some, but I'm so
>>>> open about my blindness, I'll joke about it in class.  "I can't see
>>>> the board, can I move?" or someone says, "I'll see you tomorrow,
>>>> Marissa." I'll turn, look at them, and say, "I won't."
>>>> It gets people laughing.  I answer questions about being blind,
>>>> whenever I'm asked.  Some people are shy; just say, "It's ok, you
>>>> can ask."
>>>> They think they will offend you.  Just let them know that they
>>>> won't.
>>>>
>>>> If you need any help, feel free to email me off-list.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>>> From: Ana Martinez via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
>>>> Date sent: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 09:08:49 -0600
>>>> Subject: [nabs-l] highschool question
>>>>
>>>> hi all I have a question, how do you make friends in highschool, for
>>>> me it has been difficult because there a lot of students and in all
>>>> of my classes there are different kids ,
>>>>
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He that will not reason is a bigot; he that cannot reason is a fool; he that dares not reason is a slave.