[nabs-l] Several Questions...

Mon May 19 01:30:42 UTC 2014

Hi Kerri, 

As Desiree said, I can sympathize with your situation, and I am not a sports
person at all, unless you count bull riding. Also, feel free to contact me
off list if you wish. I do have a B.S. in animal science, but am facing very
similar challenges that you are at present. 

Personally I accept that I am going to work harder to achieve my ideal
career path, but as one prof told me there are two types of people in life.
Those who find the work that fits them, and those who change to fit the work
available. Neither way is wrong. 

I remember in college feeling, and still feeling today like I am not an
expert in my field. I didn't take the full year of organic chemistry,
biochemistry, and those chemistries I did take I got C's in. I encourage you
to take time to examine your strengths, maybe meditate some. From reading
your message you might have the solutions to your problems. As a former
school newspaper reporter, I can tell you a tape recorder is your best
friend, blind or not. Concerning the need for consequence to meet deadlines,
that's really not all that abnormal. I knew plenty of people, Cornell
students no less, who wrote papers the night before they were due and had
better grades than I got. 

I'm not sure if this helped at all. I felt compelled to respond to your post
as I could really relate. I suspect plenty of others on the list can too. 

Regards,

Zac

_______________________________________________

Hi Everyone:

I don't know what to do so figured I'd write to the list for help.

I tried returning to school last semester but it didn't end up working 

 out. I tried a lot harder than I would have in the past, and I turned 

 in most of the assignments on time and all, but I still got a C in one 

 class and a F in the other class. It was my second time applying to 

 this college, and I felt fortunate I got readmitted. Now, I believe I 

 am on academic suspension.

I have several questions and a lot to say.

If school is not going to work for me, I need to find something to do 

 so was considering trying to find a job. If I were sighted I'd just go 

 for one of those starter minimum wage jobs such as a waitress or a 

 bookseller at Barnes and Noble. However, I know being a bookseller at 

 Barnes and Noble isn't likely since I can't read the print books. I 

 also know being a waitress isn't likely.

So, what minimum wage starting jobs can a blind person do without a degree?

What was your first job?

What was the first thing you did that gave you real work experience?

I know our local grocery store, Kroger is always accepting 

 applications. Has anyone ever worked in a  grocery store? Could I be a 

 bagger or a customer service person at Kroger?

Where is the best place to look for jobs?

To be honest with everyone, I am really sad. I was heartbroken by my 

 grades. I'm sad that It doesn't look like school is going to work out 

 for me and I won't get a degree. I've always had a passion for sports, 

 and have said since I was 15 years old I want to be a sportswriter, 

 sports reporter, sports caster, or something with sports. I was a 

 journalism major, figuring journalism would give me a good foundation 

 in helping me become a better writer and would help my communication 

 skills.

Please don't judge me too harshly for this, but the problem with me is 

 I have zero confidence in myself, and I have zero self-esteem. The 

 other problem with me (and I am ashamed to say this) is that the truth 

 is I've never really had to work in my entire life. I've always just 

 been the star without having to really work. I worked when I was in 

 training, but that was it. I also worked in high school, but again I 

 was always the star and got huge praise for just turning in and 

 actually doing the work. Though I again hate to admit this, I believe 

 deep deep down though I hate this about myself I have engrained all 

 that praise. I am also a very, very impatient person.

The reason I am saying all of this is because I feel like when 

 something is a lot of work or it is something that requires a lot of 

 time, I become so impatient because I just want to finish whatever 

 work it is, I either don't do the work or I do it but at the very last 

 minute, hating to do it the whole time, doing it kicking and screaming 

 (figuratively, not literally.) I also work best with consequences. In 

 training, I knew if I didn't do what was required/asked of me I would 

 first disappoint the director whom I looked up to, I would second 

 disappoint the staff members who I looked up to, I would likely get 

 kicked out which would mean having to return home and having to 

 explain to my family and rehab counselor (who I also look up to) why I 

 got kicked out. That is a lot of consequences and of course I didn't 

 want to face any of them or see what would happen. I also wanted to 

 learn the skills to be more independent for myself so I worked as hard 

 as I could.

But, it seems unless there are consequences, or I am in an environment 

 where I am forced to do the work I become very lazy and if there is 

 work (such as for school or something) I dread doing it.

I also admit, I often feel depressed. I am often afraid and will worry 

 that I will never find my passion or figure anything out and will end 

 up doing nothing for the rest of my life and will be unable to 

 contribute to society. This makes me feel helpless and that then sends 

 me into a negative depression. As I said earlier, I forced myself with 

 school and got most of the work done I needed to but there were many 

 nights where I would be so negative and depressed I couldn't focus on 

 schoolwork and would have to wait until the next day.

Another thing that really brings me down and depresses me is that I 

 have always been passionate about sports. The thing I have come to 

 recently realize is that maybe even with sports I've sort of been 

 tricked. When I was a teenager/younger, and I would talk to people I 

 always brought up sports. I would say a few things, a few stats and I 

 was always the star, always "amazing" or whatever. Even now, to 

 someone who isn't into sports it looks like I really know what I am 

 talking about. But, being able to say a few things is a lot different 

 than having to write a whole article. I feel like when there is a big 

 story going on, I often feel like I should write about it since I 

 always say I want to be a sportswriter but when I sit down to write I 

 don't know what to say. I often feel like my thoughts come from what I 

 read on sites such as ESPN.com or what I hear on ESPNRadio or ESPN 

 rather than myself forming my own opinion. Even when I listen to 

 sports talk radio (which I do constantly) I am amazed at how much of 

 an expert they seem to be. It makes me honestly feel stupid and makes 

 me really question my wanting to be a sportswriter. This then really 

 makes me sad.

Another thing that is big in sports journalism but that I admit I have 

 never really done but that really really freaks me out a lot is 

 interviewing. I am terrified if I ever have to interview anyone my 

 questions will be horrible and they'll see right through me.

I just feel that similarly with the rest of my life, it's like 

 everyone let me go through life just talking and smiling and being all 

 amazing but when it comes to the real thing I am horrible and have no 

 idea and though I listen to sports talk radio all the time I probably 

 don't know nearly as much as I think I do especially in comparison to 

 sighted males who have studied this stuff their whole lives. Again, I 

 am just begun to realize all of this and this all makes me so sad and 

 depressed.

For example, how do you "break down" a game?

Do you take notes during the game, then get the stats from somewhere 

 online afterwords and write about the game that way?

Is it normal to do a bunch of reading about a certain story from sites 

 such as Espn, Si (Sports Illustrated), Bleacher Report, FoxSports, 

 Yahoo Sports, and Cbs Sports and then write a little opinion thing 

 based on what you have read and your own opinions/knologe?

Sometimes, I even wonder if I really know that much about the games I 

 listen to. Sure, I know the basics of football and basketball, but 

 many times when I listen to sports talk radio I feel like I don't 

 really know the games at all.

This all worries me, makes me feel depressed, and negative and I'm 

 afraid I'll never figure any of this out and will have to spend the 

 rest of my life doing nothing and that makes me feel so negative and 

 depressed.

How can I develop a better self-esteem and have more confidence?

How can I teach myself to think more positively rather than negatively 

 all the time?

How can I teach myself to be more determined/work harder when I've 

 never really had to work or really do anything?

Is there someone I could talk to every week or something that could 

 help me learn to work? Like, maybe give me writing prompts or maybe I 

 could try writing a sports column/opinion piece for them and they 

 could look at it? Like, they could help me take baby steps to figure 

 things out?

I was very motivated in training. Having consequences and looking up 

 to the staff members and not wanting to disappoint them really drove 

 me to work hard. Is there something from training I could use to 

 motivate me? Is there something I'm not thinking of that I could use 

 to motivate me?

Of course since I've graduated and the staff have understandably moved 

 onto other students I don't really get to talk to people from the 

 center much. I understand all of this, but I feel being back here I am 

 just all by myself and I realize this is part of being an adult but I 

 really really struggle when it's just me and myself.

I somehow need consequences, or someone on me or something in my mind 

 to look up/be motivated by. Otherwise, I seem to really get depressed, 

 negative, and end up failing/not wanting to do anything.

I realize I am an adult, but is there any way to find something to 

 look up to or is there any way I could have consequences or someone 

 sort of on me about getting things done?

Am I the only one who works in this way?

I wonder if I would've had someone nagging at me constantly whether I 

 could have possibly done better in school?

How do you all deal with this?

How do you continuously stay so determined?

For those of you who have had similar childhoods as me where you were 

 always told you are amazing and were never made to really work how do 

 you force yourself to work so hard?

I am sorry to post such a long message with so many questions. I don't 

 know where or who else to post this to. I can't just keep going on, 

 doing nothing, and just being depressed certain days and then be great 

 on happy good days.

Thanks,

Kerri

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--

Desiree

------------------------------

Message: 4

Date: Sat, 17 May 2014 20:19:20 -0600

From: "Zachary N. Griego-Dreicer via nabs-l" <