[nabs-l] Blindness and body contact

Thu Oct 16 01:30:30 UTC 2014

Hi all,

Just out of curiosity, I asked my sister if she's experienced this.
to put our similarities in context, she and I are only 18 months apart
in age.  We're both intelligent, and polite people, who have a pretty
dry sense of humor.  She's taller than me, and physically we look like
we might not even be related (I have brown hair and she's blonde, I'm
short and she's about 6 inches taller than me, and her complection is
farer than mine).  She said that she has experienced this kind of
thing a few times, but in every case it was with an elderly person and
she just assumed it was them wanting to keep her close to them for
some reason.  I too have had elderly people do things like hold my
hand for what seems like a really long period of time when I just
thought we were going to shake or something, and I've had the whole
back stroking thing like what Arielle discussed.  However, my sister
thought she'd had this happen to her 2 or 3 times, but I remember it
happening a lot.  It happened to me much more when I was younger and
my grandma's friends, or friends one of my Aunts that I'm really close
to whould introduce to me, but thankfully it hasn't happened so much
now.  Then again, I have spent the majority of my time for the past 2
years away at school, and only come home for the summer, breaks,
Holidays, etc.

It is possible that blind men have this happen less than women do, and
I do think it has to happen to blind for the reasons people have
already said more than it does to the sighted, but according to my
sister, and we have generally come into contact with the same older
people, it does happen to them too.  By the way though, when I talked
about this with her and she asked why I wanted to know her take on it,
she responded with, "That's creepy."  At least the sighted get the
heeby jeebies about it, too.

I've done as others have; just tried to scoot away a few inches in a
nonchalant way, so I don't offend the person.  If I'm really
uncomfortable, I might step away to get a drink or something, and come
back and stand across from the person to show them that I would want
to be conversational and face them more than stand next to them in the
same personal bubble.  I think you do have to be careful though,
because I did have a family member who I don't know very well get
offended when I moved away a bit.  I stayed pleasant in conversation,
but she took my stepping away from her as pushing her away.
Thankfully, my parents backed me up on it, but it was awkward and at
14 or 15, I wasn't the best at handling those kinds of situations.

On 10/15/14, Elif Emir via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> this is just a type of microagression. I love this theory to explain
> this kind of behaviors. I can't change others' behaviors, yet it helps
> me understand both myself and their motivation.
> I can understand why I get angry even though the person doing
> something cute such as cuddeling or complimenting.
> If you were sighted , she wouldn't touch you like that. She just has
> in her mind that, you are not equal.
> for more info about microagression
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microaggression_theory
>
> 2014-10-15 17:53 GMT-04:00, Alana Leonhardy via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>:
>> Oh, my, my Chinese professor is like that. If I'm not seated before she's
>> in
>> the room, she gets nearly panicky. Like I'm going to fall and die on the
>> way
>> to my seat or something. And you should see the poor woman when class is
>> over and it's time to get up and go.
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>>> On Oct 15, 2014, at 11:38, Desiree Oudinot via nabs-l
>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>> Hi all,
>>> Yes, this has happened to me quite a few times as well. I remember one
>>> particular incident, when I went to a friend of my parents' wedding
>>> reception. I was walking around, meeting some of the family, and an
>>> elderly woman started touching me as I was introduced to her. I
>>> reached out to shake her hand once we were introduced, and she kept
>>> holding onto it for like 5 minutes. Then, when I was trying to gently
>>> pull away, she simply stepped to the side and put her arm around me.
>>> You know, I'm at least glad it wasn't a sloppy drunk man or something,
>>> but I don't like physical contact very much myself, unless it's from
>>> close family or friends. So even when it was from a relatively
>>> harmless person, the whole thing made me feel stressed and
>>> uncomfortable, and ruined what otherwise might have been a pleasant
>>> conversation.
>>> I also have distant relatives who do this, people I rarely see. While
>>> this is a bit different because they're related to me, I know that
>>> they're not as affectionate with other family members, even those they
>>> haven't seen in a long time.
>>> When people do this to me, and I could be wrong about this, but it is
>>> my knee-jerk reaction only, it makes me feel as though the sighted
>>> person is worried that I'm so helpless that I might blow away or
>>> something. It makes me feel as though they are anchoring me. Because,
>>> usually, the same people who do this are the same who are extremely
>>> anxious because I'm not sitting down. They act appalled when I say
>>> that I'm fine standing.
>>>
>>>> On 10/15/14, Arielle Silverman via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>> Hi all,
>>>> So the feeling faces thread reminded me of something and I'm curious
>>>> what your experiences are with this kind of thing. My sister got
>>>> married last weekend and I gave a toast at her rehearsal dinner and a
>>>> short reading during the ceremony. At the cocktail reception a woman
>>>> approached me and introduced herself as the aunt of my sister's new
>>>> husband. She then went on for a while about how beautiful my speeches
>>>> were. The entire time she had her arm kind of around the side of my
>>>> back and was stroking my shoulder. It made me a bit uncomfortable
>>>> because we had just met and I am not a very touchy-feely person except
>>>> with very close family and friends. This is also not the firsttime
>>>> people I don't know, or barely know, have interacted with me in this
>>>> way. I have always wondered if the touching is somehow because of my
>>>> blindness and if so, why do people feel driven to be so physically
>>>> affectionate with me? Or, is this a typical way people interact, and
>>>> being blind my whole life, I just haven't noticed how other people
>>>> physically interact during conversation? If you guys have experienced
>>>> this sort of thing, how do you usually respond? I'm not talking about
>>>> being grabbed by over-helpful people; I'm talking about people making
>>>> physical (nonsexual) contact during a conversation. And not just the
>>>> occasional shoulder tap, but something more hug-like.
>>>> Best,
>>>> Arielle
>>>>
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>>>
>>>
>>> --
>>> Desiree
>>>
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>>
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-- 
Kaiti