[nabs-l] social strategies at parties

Tue Jan 6 03:46:49 UTC 2015

Hi,

I agree with most of what has been said.  If possible, try to see if
you know of anyone else who is going before the party, and see if you
can find at least 2 or 3 familiar people.  If I'm not going to a party
in a group already, I tend to ask who is going so I am somewhat
familiar with who might be there.  This is mainly because I have
trouble recognizing people's voices over the din, and at least having
an idea of who might be there talking to me sometimes helps.

I wouldn't necessarily avoid eating the food there, because I've met
some really cool people in the kitchens of parties asking them where
things were so I could get them myself.  Also, like Arielle I tend to
like to know where the door to the back yard or the front porch is so
I can step out if I need a break from the noise.

I never used to go to parties like this in high school because the
social atmosphere was just so awkward for me, but I go to them
occasionally in college which have a pretty consistent social circle
involved.  Parties are a lot more fun when you know the people around
you, so don't be shy in striking up conversations.  One of the truest
phrases I've heard is "It's only awkward if you make it awkward."  If
you're okay with asking questions of people and trying to get to know
them, the worst thing they could do is be weird about it, in which
case you move on and find someone else who, like you, will only make
the situation awkward if they are awkward.

On 1/5/15, Arielle Silverman via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> Hi Vejas, Large parties can be challenging, but here are a few tricks
> I've learned over the years. I try to arrive on time or not too late
> into the party, so the group is still small. If you arrive early on,
> it'll be easier to get into the middle of the group and learn who is
> there and the lay of the land before things get too crowded. Also, at
> many large parties there is a smaller sub-gathering of people around
> the edges where it may be easier to find and talk to people. For
> example, at a house party most of the action might be in the kitchen
> or living room, but there might be a few people hanging out in the
> back yard or another common room. I like to find these smaller
> gathering places and wander over there if I am on noise overload or
> just want to be in a smaller group setting. I think it is fine to
> locate someone who is getting food and ask him or her what is
> available. If people are sitting down and I can't find people I know,
> I might go up to a table or group of chairs and ask if there is an
> empty seat, then if there is one, sit down and try to start a
> conversation with the others or join one in progress. The only thing I
> wouldn't recommend would be asking one person to stay with you all
> night, unless you ar good friends, or asking someone who is not eating
> to get up and get you food. In general, I did find that after high
> school was over, peers are a lot friendlier and more willing to let
> you mingle with them. I hope these suggestions help.
> Arielle
>
> On 1/5/15, justin williams via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> I don't like the sitting with me part unless you build a relationship with
>> them first or they offer, but asking about the food is a good idea.  Also,
>> eat before you go so it is not necessary that you eat when you are there.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: nabs-l [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Aleeha Dudley
>> via nabs-l
>> Sent: Monday, January 05, 2015 8:42 PM
>> To: Vejas Vasiliauskas; National Association of Blind Students mailing
>> list
>> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] social strategies at parties
>>
>> I think both of these are fine and are also great conversation starters.
>> Just try to get to know the person. If they are willing to help, odds are
>> they are also going to be willing to talk as well. If they don't want to
>> help, they're not worth hanging out with anyway.
>> JMT.
>>
>> Aleeha Dudley and Seeing Eye Dog Dallas Vice President, Ohio Association
>> of
>> Guide Dog Users Vice President, Ohio Association of Blind Students Both
>> proud divisions of the National Federation of the Blind of Ohio
>> Email: blindcowgirl1993 at gmail.com <mailto:blindcowgirl1993 at gmail.com>
>> The National Federation of the Blind knows that blindness is not the
>> characteristic that defines you or your future. Every day we raise the
>> expectations of blind people, because low expectations create obstacles
>> between blind people and our dreams. You can live the life you want;
>> blindness is not what holds you back.
>> "The wind of heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears." - Arabian
>> proverb
>>
>>> On Jan 5, 2015, at 8:37 PM, Vejas Vasiliauskas via nabs-l
>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>
>>> Hi All,
>>> I'd really appreciate some advice.  I would really like to know what you
>>> do in big gatherings where you hardly know anyone.
>>> Two weeks ago I went to a friend's house because she was sponsoring an
>>> event where people could go up and share their writing.  There were about
>>> 100 people there, mostly from my high school.  I only knew about 3 of
>>> them.  I would normally have hung out with my friend (I prefer to hang
>>> out
>>> with an individual rather than a group), but since it was at her house
>>> last month, she had to tend to all the guests and make sure they had
>>> everything they needed.  At dinner we had pizza and other snacks.  I
>>> found
>>> the kitchen easily because I heard people going in there, but I didn't
>>> know exactly where all the food was.  I asked someone where the pizza was
>>> and he got me a slice.  Then awhile later someone mentioned more food and
>>> I had had no idea that there was any.
>>> So my questions are:
>>> 1.  Is it okay to ask someone what all the food options are even if you
>>> hardly know them? Do you think that they would normally be willing to
>>> tell
>>> me?
>>> 2.  Can I ask that person to sit with me if I don't have anyone to hang
>>> out with, or do you think that's too akward?
>>> In the end everything turned out fine, but I'm just trying to get ideas
>>> so
>>> that I can feel more comfortable in future parties.
>>> I have the feeling that a lot of times people want to help but don't
>>> because they don't know what to do.
>>> Thanks,
>>> Vejas
>>>
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-- 
Kaiti