[nabs-l] How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people

[Karl Martin Adam]

Hi Kaiti,

It seems to me that the issue here is that this guy is creepy not 
that he's blind obsessed.  There's nothing wrong with being 
attracted to blind people if the person goes about interacting 
with the people they're attracted to in a respectful way, and you 
would be in the same boat with this guy if he were attracted to 
say clarinet players rather than the blind.  I do think that 
telling him you're not interested politely and preferably through 
say facebook not when you're alone together and certainly not in 
front of others (that would embarrass him pretty badly) is the 
best course.  I understand the fear of how he'll react, but not 
telling him no, in his mind, will almost certainly mean that 
you're ok with what he's doing.  This is partially a cognitive 
impairment thing--many people with cognitive and emotional 
impairments don't really understand subtlety.  It's also a guy 
thing; most guys will respect a flat out "no," but many can 
convince themselves that anything less direct is a "yes" in 
disguise.  This is because of our cultural beliefs that women are 
coy and are supposed to resist advances by men even though they 
really want them and because some women actually do follow this 
cultural script making it difficult for a man to tell whether an 
indirect rejection is an actual rejection or a form of flirting.  
You might also try talking to a counselor or someone in the psych 
department about how best to communicate with people who have 
emotional and cognitive impairments that stop them picking up on 
social cues.  Of course if he does anything after you tell him to 
stop, that is reportable.

Best,
Karl

 ----- Original Message -----
From: Kaiti Shelton via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org
To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list 
<nabs-l at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Mon, 19 Oct 2015 00:41:40 -0400
Subject: [nabs-l] How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people

Hi all,

I'm sure you're wondering about the strange subject line, but the
situation is exactly how it sounds.  This guy started pestering a
friend of mine who is also blind on campus, and since we've 
started a
disability organization and have been seen together and he saw my 
cane
he's now starting to do it to me.  Apparently he has some 
neurological
problems that are supposedly controled, but the odd behavior 
isn't
something that we're aware of that can be related to seizure
disorders.  He has admitted to my friend that he has a thing for 
girls
with disabilities, and since meeting her has been fascinated by 
blind
chicks.  It was a little disturbing to me when he started sending 
me
really forward facebook messages and mentioned my friend, and 
when I
asked her about it the next day she half-jokingly referred to him 
as
"Her stalker," and told me she'd fill me in further in private, 
which
she did.  He seems fairly harmless for the time being and she's 
so far
been successful in just ignoring him or not giving information, 
and
she certainly made it known that she does not return the liking 
he
says he has for her, but I still am creeped out a bit by the 
pattern
of going after blind chicks.  Obviously I haven't given him any
information and have mostly ignored his messages he's been 
sending me,
but I'm a little hesitant to just block him because he'll 
probably
show up to the club meetings now that he knows about them.

I've been advised by a male friend of mine to just tell him to 
back
off and leave me alone, but I'll admit that as a woman who is 
fairly
identifyable as the only one with a cane and who is unable to see 
him
coming I don't know if that is the best approach or not.  He 
hasn't
done anything at this point that is reportable, so I don't quite 
know
what the best approach would be.  I am pretty creeped out how he
targets disabled women and blind women in particular now, but 
that
isn't a crime in and of itself.  Thankfully I had class the time 
when
he showed up to our table hours for our awareness week on campus, 
and
he didn't show up to the described movie night we just had like 
he
said he was going to.  I usually have chapter meetings for 
another
organization directly after the club meetings so I do have an 
excuse
to leave club by a certain time, but I'm not thrilled by the idea 
of
this dude showing up and being weird with my friend and I while 
we're
trying to get work done, or meeting me in person and making it 
harder
for him to miss me when I'm going about my business on campus.

Don't get me wrong---I totally have ignored creepy online people
before in the few instances where they have sent me strange 
facebook
chats or what have you, but the fact that this is a sighted dude 
on my
campus who is going after a specific disability is really creepy 
to me
and I do not feel comfortable about it.  Advice?  Also, I do
understand that this topic kind of verges on adult conversations, 
but
please keep your responses G or PG as I do not intend to break 
any
list guidelines and nothing grossly inappropriate has happened 
here.

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