[nabs-l] How to handle creepy blind-obsessed people

Wed Oct 21 00:30:46 UTC 2015

Kaiti,
I was looking at your University Counseling Website.  They have a bunch of psychologists. Maybe you could make an appointment with one of them.

Sent from my iPad

> On Oct 20, 2015, at 12:42 AM, Kaiti Shelton via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Hi all,
> 
> There have certainly been a wide variety of thoughts on how to handle
> the issue, which is great because from them I think I've picked out
> the most helpful elements for this situation.
> 
> I held off on replying till now specifically to collect my thoughts
> and weigh the options so far.  Before I wrote I was mainly concerned
> with how to just get rid of the problem because it made me and my
> friend uncomfortable.  I thought I had no obligation to explain my
> discomfort or to teach this other student social skills because that
> really isn't my role or something I would normally be concerned with
> if it were a neurotypical guy doing the "stalking" as my friend called
> it.  I felt that even though I have an obligation to be cordial to him
> if/when we were in the same place, and I need to promote understanding
> of neurological issues including these maladaptive behaviors to the
> general campus public, that this crosses a line and my own comfort and
> security should be of a higher priority than playing social skills
> coach.  Especially since I don't know this guy from Adam I just wanted
> him to leave us alone except for when we are in club meetings or
> functions.
> 
> I see the value of talking to him, but Kennedy brought up a great
> point that we wouldn't want to ambush him and potentially make the
> problem worse.  As much as I would rather just not deal with this and
> hope he just goes away from me and my friend, since we have the club
> and it is cross-disability he's probably going to show up to something
> eventually.  I like the idea of talking to the club advisors, and I
> think that since both of them work in disability services they could
> be helpful, neutral parties if we do need to talk about the behaviors.
> The Disability office could also be a neutral place to talk, since
> there are always people filtering in and out but we could also have
> the conversations in a confidential space, mainly for his benefit.  I
> also thought today that if this is something that must be addressed,
> having a social skills workshop might not be a bad idea.  I'm not sure
> how receptive the rest of the exec board would be to it as there are
> only two people with neurological disabilities which seem to impact
> their understanding of appropriate and inappropriate actions in social
> situations, one more than the other, and we wouldn't want to make them
> feel singled out by having those with disabilities but adequate social
> skills honing in on one or both of them.  We may be able to weave it
> into a breakout session like we usually have, but the conversation
> would be pretty pointless for everyone else in the club as well unless
> those of us who have physical disabilities talked about other aspects
> of social behavior that are issues to us.  Personally I think the
> issues of speaking down to someone in a wheelchair, or issues of not
> understanding gestures or body language as well for a blind person are
> very different from knowing when an action is appropriate or not and
> moderating that behavior, but it might be the best way to bridge the
> gap and have other people at least talk about aspects of socializing
> that are challenging for them.
> 
> I definitely want to keep my interactions with him to a minimum and
> don't want to jump the gun either (as nothing has been done to warrant
> that), but this is an issue I think I'll have to monitor carefully.
> The club has its meetings on Wednesdays, so I guess I will see what
> will happen potentially as soon as this week.  My fight or flight
> reflex is still wishing he'd just go away so I don't have to deal with
> the conflict or fear that he'll come up to me as I'm trying to get
> lunch or go to a class, but we can't win 'em all.
> 
>> On 10/19/15, STOMBERG, KENNEDY via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> Josh, I know! It's super gross!
>> 
>> On Mon, Oct 19, 2015 at 10:18 PM, josh lester via nabs-l
>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>> wrote:
>> 
>>> Wow!
>>> What I can't stand is people that when taught how to guide me, insist
>>> on me putting my hand on their shoulder, or letting them hold my hand
>>> like a child!
>>> It's annoying!
>>> Alana, when did you start losing your sight?
>>> Thanks
>>> 
>>>> On 10/19/15, Alana Leonhardy via nabs-l <nabs-l at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>> This sounds very disturbing. I have also encountered a person like
>>>> this.
>>> It
>>>> was right as I was losing my vision that I met this person, and the
>>>> only
>>>> reason things didn't escalate beyond control is because I moved away.
>>>> The
>>>> things you mentioned sound very similar, and it sounds like he makes
>>>> you
>>>> feel really uneasy. People can show interest in the disabled for a
>>> number of
>>>> reasons, some good and some not so much. Sometimes it's because they
>>> think
>>>> they'll be an easy victim, sometimes they're interested in the person
>>>> as
>>> a
>>>> whole and they're disability doesn't make them uncomfortable or lose
>>>> the
>>>> attraction, blind and sighted people end up together all the time. But
>>>> sometimes, it's the disability itself that excites the person, like my
>>> sick
>>>> ex and maybe the guy you're talking about. I can't say for sure since I
>>>> don't know the man. But if that's what is going on, then the word
>>>> you've
>>>> used, target, is a good one. I can certainly understand why you may be
>>>> worried for yourself and your friend if you reject his advances, but
>>>> just
>>>> because he has a creepy fetish doesn't mean he will become violent. My
>>>> advice is to to tell him you're not interested via private Facebook
>>> message,
>>>> so there's a record of your saying no and his reaction. There has been
>>> some
>>>> good advice offered previously too :)
>>>> I hope I'm overreacting because of my own previously mentioned
>>>> situation,
>>>> and that your creep is easier to deal with.
>>>> Best of luck,
>>>> Alana
>>>> 
>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>> 
>>>>> On Oct 18, 2015, at 21:41, Kaiti Shelton via nabs-l
>>>>> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
>>>>> wrote:
>>>>> 
>>>>> Hi all,
>>>>> 
>>>>> I'm sure you're wondering about the strange subject line, but the
>>>>> situation is exactly how it sounds.  This guy started pestering a
>>>>> friend of mine who is also blind on campus, and since we've started a
>>>>> disability organization and have been seen together and he saw my cane
>>>>> he's now starting to do it to me.  Apparently he has some neurological
>>>>> problems that are supposedly controled, but the odd behavior isn't
>>>>> something that we're aware of that can be related to seizure
>>>>> disorders.  He has admitted to my friend that he has a thing for girls
>>>>> with disabilities, and since meeting her has been fascinated by blind
>>>>> chicks.  It was a little disturbing to me when he started sending me
>>>>> really forward facebook messages and mentioned my friend, and when I
>>>>> asked her about it the next day she half-jokingly referred to him as
>>>>> "Her stalker," and told me she'd fill me in further in private, which
>>>>> she did.  He seems fairly harmless for the time being and she's so far
>>>>> been successful in just ignoring him or not giving information, and
>>>>> she certainly made it known that she does not return the liking he
>>>>> says he has for her, but I still am creeped out a bit by the pattern
>>>>> of going after blind chicks.  Obviously I haven't given him any
>>>>> information and have mostly ignored his messages he's been sending me,
>>>>> but I'm a little hesitant to just block him because he'll probably
>>>>> show up to the club meetings now that he knows about them.
>>>>> 
>>>>> I've been advised by a male friend of mine to just tell him to back
>>>>> off and leave me alone, but I'll admit that as a woman who is fairly
>>>>> identifyable as the only one with a cane and who is unable to see him
>>>>> coming I don't know if that is the best approach or not.  He hasn't
>>>>> done anything at this point that is reportable, so I don't quite know
>>>>> what the best approach would be.  I am pretty creeped out how he
>>>>> targets disabled women and blind women in particular now, but that
>>>>> isn't a crime in and of itself.  Thankfully I had class the time when
>>>>> he showed up to our table hours for our awareness week on campus, and
>>>>> he didn't show up to the described movie night we just had like he
>>>>> said he was going to.  I usually have chapter meetings for another
>>>>> organization directly after the club meetings so I do have an excuse
>>>>> to leave club by a certain time, but I'm not thrilled by the idea of
>>>>> this dude showing up and being weird with my friend and I while we're
>>>>> trying to get work done, or meeting me in person and making it harder
>>>>> for him to miss me when I'm going about my business on campus.
>>>>> 
>>>>> Don't get me wrong---I totally have ignored creepy online people
>>>>> before in the few instances where they have sent me strange facebook
>>>>> chats or what have you, but the fact that this is a sighted dude on my
>>>>> campus who is going after a specific disability is really creepy to me
>>>>> and I do not feel comfortable about it.  Advice?  Also, I do
>>>>> understand that this topic kind of verges on adult conversations, but
>>>>> please keep your responses G or PG as I do not intend to break any
>>>>> list guidelines and nothing grossly inappropriate has happened here.
>>>>> 
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>>>> 
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>>> 
>>> 
>>> --
>>> Joshua Lester
>>> Blessings to you in the name of Jesus Christ
>>> "Then Peter said unto them repent and be baptized everyone of you in
>>> the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins and ye shall
>>> receive the gift of the Holy Ghost," (Acts, 2:38.)
>>> 
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> 
> 
> -- 
> Kaiti Shelton
> University of Dayton-Music Therapy
> President, Ohio Association of Blind Students 2013-Present
> Secretary, The National Federation of the Blind Performing Arts
> Division 2015-2016
> 
> "You can live the life you want; blindness is not what holds you back!"
> 
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