[nagdu] Why so hard?

[Tracy Carcione]

Hi Marsha.  That was very well put.
Yup, we've all been through it, and will go through it again.  It's the
price for having a guide dog, I guess, even more than it's the price for
any dog, because we share so much more with our dogs than with a pet.
All you can do is your best.  Sometimes that's not good enough, or it
doesn't save the day, but it's all you can do.
I've beaten myself up a lot, thinking of things I did, or didn't do, for
my dogs, but really that's pointless.  You do what you can.

When I was trying to figure out if it was time to put Echo to sleep, some
people advised me to sit quietly and ask her what she wanted.  I'm not
very good at that, but I did, and the answer I got was that she trusted me
to do the best I could for her, as she always had.  It meant a lot to me,
so I share it with you.

Tracy

> Hi List,
>
> Although I have been writing that Emma is retired, or semi-retired for
> weeks. And although she hasn't been able to work in a good while. Its
> official now. She is officially retired. I just continue to say that over
> and over in myhead, and its not real. *sigh* Why is retiring a guide so
> hard? I have cried over this so much, and then I think to myself how can I
> be so attached to this puppy. I feel stupid for crying. But how can one
> retire a pup without. I know its for the best, for her health, for me, for
> our stress level. She has not been happy working in several months, and I
> hate to see her tense because of it. currently she is here with me, and
> hasn't gone to her retirement home. But to think I'll never leave this
> house, with her in harness, with her next to me, her protecting me,
> watching out for me, guiding me. It just makes my heart hurt. This
> beautiful German Shepard, who has lived in three different states with me,
> who has traveled on three different college campuses,
>  traveled to numerous cities and places, was in my life at the hardest and
> the happiness times of my life. She has always been there. My Emma girl,
> my emmalena. My emma girl who will let babies crawl all over her and not
> bat an eye lash, who will run, play and jump with my older kids. The girl
> who has saved my life on numerous occasions, and probably more times that
> I didn't know about. It just hurts so very very much. Its like you know
> something in your heart, but your mind hasn't kept up with that thought,
> and vice versa. Every time I have a birthday I will remember my Emma and
> the day that we met. It was my present, best one ever. A part of my grief
> is that I feel like I failed her. Yes she got sick. Which changed her in
> so many ways. But couldn't I do more, I could have done this or that. Why
> did I wait so long to to take her to the vet with her EPI. She was a
> perfect dog for me. This girl had so much energy, so much spunk, she fit
> me to the T. She absolutely loved workin
>  g, and now she doesn't. I want that happy, go lucky, spunky girl back!
>
> The why is it so hard question, wasn't one really I needed an answer to.
> And over the years on this list I have seen lots of pups being retired and
> their handlers go through the same thing I am now. Yes I have a class date
> for another pup, but up until then, my mind and heart are going to be with
> Emma.
>
> Sorry for the rambling.
>
> Marsha drenthSent from my iPhone
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