[nagdu] Why so hard?

[Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)]

It's okay and healthy to cry.
I still sometimes cry about my dogs. I think it's normal.
I also remember the fun stuff, certain songs will do it, certain events will do it, things like that.
I'd suggest that if you didn't feel this pain, then the relationship wasn't a healthy one.
And of course you want your spunky girl back, everybody likes that feeling of being in love.


-----Original Message-----
From: nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:nagdu-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Marsha Drenth
Sent: Wednesday, August 22, 2012 12:41 PM
To: the National Association of Guide Dog Users NAGDU Mailing List
Subject: [nagdu] Why so hard?

Hi List,

Although I have been writing that Emma is retired, or semi-retired for weeks. And although she hasn't been able to work in a good while. Its official now. She is officially retired. I just continue to say that over and over in myhead, and its not real. *sigh* Why is retiring a guide so hard? I have cried over this so much, and then I think to myself how can I be so attached to this puppy. I feel stupid for crying. But how can one retire a pup without. I know its for the best, for her health, for me, for our stress level. She has not been happy working in several months, and I hate to see her tense because of it. currently she is here with me, and hasn't gone to her retirement home. But to think I'll never leave this house, with her in harness, with her next to me, her protecting me, watching out for me, guiding me. It just makes my heart hurt. This beautiful German Shepard, who has lived in three different states with me, who has traveled on three different college campuses, traveled to numerous cities and places, was in my life at the hardest and the happiness times of my life. She has always been there. My Emma girl, my emmalena. My emma girl who will let babies crawl all over her and not bat an eye lash, who will run, play and jump with my older kids. The girl who has saved my life on numerous occasions, and probably more times that I didn't know about. It just hurts so very very much. Its like you know something in your heart, but your mind hasn't kept up with that thought, and vice versa. Every time I have a birthday I will remember my Emma and the day that we met. It was my present, best one ever. A part of my grief is that I feel like I failed her. Yes she got sick. Which changed her in so many ways. But couldn't I do more, I could have done this or that. Why did I wait so long to to take her to the vet with her EPI. She was a perfect dog for me. This girl had so much energy, so much spunk, she fit me to the T. She absolutely loved working, and now she doesn't. I want that happy, go lucky, spunky girl back!

The why is it so hard question, wasn't one really I needed an answer to. And over the years on this list I have seen lots of pups being retired and their handlers go through the same thing I am now. Yes I have a class date for another pup, but up until then, my mind and heart are going to be with Emma.

Sorry for the rambling.

Marsha drenthSent from my iPhone
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