[nagdu] Why so hard?

[Juanita Herrera]

Marsha,
I know that there are no words that anyone can say to relieve your
pain of retiring Emma. Especially someone like me. What do I know. I
have never experienced the retirement of a guide dog before, but the
simple thought of losing Anise makes me shutter. I would probably be
feeling the same way you are now. I know you will never forget Emma
and that she'll always hold a special place in your heart. I'm sure
your new pup will be special in its own way. I wish you the best of
luck in class.
Juanita and Anise and Baby Benson

On 8/22/12, Marsha Drenth <marsha.drenth at gmail.com> wrote:
> Hi List,
>
> Although I have been writing that Emma is retired, or semi-retired for
> weeks. And although she hasn't been able to work in a good while. Its
> official now. She is officially retired. I just continue to say that over
> and over in myhead, and its not real. *sigh* Why is retiring a guide so
> hard? I have cried over this so much, and then I think to myself how can I
> be so attached to this puppy. I feel stupid for crying. But how can one
> retire a pup without. I know its for the best, for her health, for me, for
> our stress level. She has not been happy working in several months, and I
> hate to see her tense because of it. currently she is here with me, and
> hasn't gone to her retirement home. But to think I'll never leave this
> house, with her in harness, with her next to me, her protecting me, watching
> out for me, guiding me. It just makes my heart hurt. This beautiful German
> Shepard, who has lived in three different states with me, who has traveled
> on three different college campuses, traveled to numerous cities and places,
> was in my life at the hardest and the happiness times of my life. She has
> always been there. My Emma girl, my emmalena. My emma girl who will let
> babies crawl all over her and not bat an eye lash, who will run, play and
> jump with my older kids. The girl who has saved my life on numerous
> occasions, and probably more times that I didn't know about. It just hurts
> so very very much. Its like you know something in your heart, but your mind
> hasn't kept up with that thought, and vice versa. Every time I have a
> birthday I will remember my Emma and the day that we met. It was my present,
> best one ever. A part of my grief is that I feel like I failed her. Yes she
> got sick. Which changed her in so many ways. But couldn't I do more, I could
> have done this or that. Why did I wait so long to to take her to the vet
> with her EPI. She was a perfect dog for me. This girl had so much energy, so
> much spunk, she fit me to the T. She absolutely loved working, and now she
> doesn't. I want that happy, go lucky, spunky girl back!
>
> The why is it so hard question, wasn't one really I needed an answer to. And
> over the years on this list I have seen lots of pups being retired and their
> handlers go through the same thing I am now. Yes I have a class date for
> another pup, but up until then, my mind and heart are going to be with Emma.
>
>
> Sorry for the rambling.
>
> Marsha drenthSent from my iPhone
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