[Nfbmo] {Spam?} Re: 8 helpful things THAT DON'T REALLY HELP PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES

Tue Jun 21 02:13:05 UTC 2016

Our words and idioms evolved over a  long, long time - and in many cases, 
have long since lost any literal  meaning.  For example, we still persist in 
referring to sunrise and sunset,  even though we've known for over 500 years 
that the sun doesn't move, the earth  does - but the idiom remains.  
Likewise, when we're talking to someone on  the phone and make a time to call 
again, we are likely to end the conversation  with "See you then", even though 
we're not seeing them now and won't be seeing  them then.

       I was in aplay once with someone who  was confined to a wheelchair.  
On opening night, It's traditional to tell  your fellow cast members to 
"break a leg".   It would have been a  huge gaffe to exclude him from this 
time-honored wish, not to mention the  chance for him to come back with the 
one-liners he was known for, such as "You  too, but get  your own wheelchair".

  Dan

  To exclude him from this tradition would have been a bigger social  gaffe 
than 

In a message dated 6/20/2016 8:32:04 P.M. Central Daylight Time,  
nfbmo at nfbnet.org writes:

I will make  2 comments.

1. Vision-related words. In November of 2010 I was talking  with my 
counselor of the then Michigan Commission for the Blind to set up the  initial 
appointment. I don't remember now who it was that had told me that he  was 
totally blind. At the end of the phone conversation I said, "I look  forward to 
seeing...."  and then I stopped myself. I then said, "I look  forward to 
meeting you." He did not make a big issue about it saying he would  be happy to 
meet me. A few days later he showed up with his driver and after  my parents 
helpe me fill out some paperwork and he talked about what the MCB  offered, 
he left a packet of information. One of those sheets contained some  points 
of etiquette about the blind. I don't remember them all, but one of the  
points is that it was not necessary to avoid vision-related words. "The blind  
want to see you around" the sheet said.

2. Magic: A variation of "you  are amazing." At work some co-workers refer 
to "that magic stuff you do." What  they call "magic" we call alternative 
techniques of blindness. I have tried  without much success to explain that I 
spent 22 weeks at the Kalamazoo  Training Center for the Blind learning this 
"magic" and that I have practiced  these skills ever since. Reading braille 
is no more magical than reading print  and using a white cane is no more 
magical than learning to ride a  bike.

Best Regards

Daniel Garcia

-----Original  Message-----
From: Nfbmo [mailto:nfbmo-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of  nancy Lynn via 
Nfbmo
Sent: Saturday, June 18, 2016 4:23 AM
To: mcb chat;  nfbmo list; NFBC List
Cc: nancy Lynn
Subject: [Nfbmo] 8 helpful things  THAT DON'T REALLY HELP PEOPLE WITH 
DISABILITIES

An interesting  conversation picked up on Reddit this week when a user 
posted the following  question to people with disabilities: "What is something 
that we (presumably  people without disabilities) do that we think helps, but 
it really doesn't?"  In just a day, more than 9,000 comments rolled in, and 
people living with all  types of health conditions - from physical 
disabilities to developmental  delays to invisible illnesses - offered a lot of 
great insight.

If  you're unfamiliar with what it's like to live with a health condition, 
you may  not even realize when you're not actually being that helpful. 
(That's OK  because that's where we come in). According to Redditors, here are 
eight  common mistakes people make when they're trying to help:

1.  Helping without asking.

"I love when people help me, but please always  ask first, and if I say, 
'No thanks, I've got it,' then go on with your day.  Or better yet, strike up 
a conversation!"

"A friend of a friend of mine  who [uses a wheelchair] told us how people 
constantly offer to push her to her  destination, and often times go to start 
push (sic) her along. One person  said, 'I'm helping!' as he started 
pushing her in her chair. She yelled back,  'No, you're kidnapping!!' He stopped."

2. Changing the way you  talk.

"A wheelchair doesn't make someone hard of hearing. Or stupid.  Stop acting 
like it does."

"I'm hearing impaired (or hard of hearing,  as the Deaf community prefers 
to put it). Do. Not. Yell at top volume,  reeeaaaaaallllllly painfully slow. 
Just like it isn't going to help a Spanish  person understand the English 
you are speaking, it's going to make you look  real stupid to me... and 
everyone else we are around. It might work for you  with Grandma, but I'm not your 
granny. Face me so I can read your lips, speak  sharp and speak clear and 
we cool."

"Don't bend down to my level to  talk to me, I can hear you perfectly well, 
and it's incredibly  demeaning."

"I have an autism spectrum disorder... Just talk to me like  you would 
anyone else, and if I need something explained to me, I will ask.  It's that 
simple."

3. Saying "But you don't look [disabled, sick,  etc.]"

"'But you don't look sick.' 'Well you don't look like a doctor,  but that's 
just my opinion.'"

"The thing is, people without visible  disabilities... often hear 'But you 
don't look sick' as an excuse for the  person saying it to not take the 
condition seriously or not give proper  accommodations. In those cases it's not 
a compliment, it's an accusation. It  happens way more often than you'd 
expect, and since it's not just annoying but  often an obstacle to actually 
getting the help needed to get on with your  life, it gets old fast."

4. Feeling sorry.

"I don't want to be  pitied for something I can't do anything about. It 
makes me feel less  human/inferior."

"Pity is condescending, it ignores a person's talents,  relationships, 
accomplishments and joys and paints them as nothing more than a  thing that 
suffers."

5. Offering medical advice.

"My husband has  chronic migraines. I can't tell you the number of times 
someone suggests  f**king Excedrin. 'Oh really? I've lived with migraines for 
20 years and I  never thought to try over-the-counter Excedrin! Tell me more 
about how it  helped you with a really bad headache once.'"

"Someone told me cashews  could cure depression. I... may not have been the 
most tactful in my  response."

"Believe me, unless you are a researcher who specializes in  my condition, 
you probably don't know more about treatments than  me."

6. Calling a person "inspiring" or "brave."

"I laugh when  people call me an inspiration. If they only knew. No 
Hallmark movies to be  made about me anytime soon. lol"

"This! I'm being praised for going to  university and doing normal random 
everyday stuff.What am I supposed to do,  sit on my ass all day and wait to 
die?"

"There's nothing brave or  strong about it. I exist. My strength and 
courage comes from what I do. Not  what I am."

7. Shrugging off an illness you can't see.

"I have a  chronic pain condition. Please don't tell me it's all in my 
head. Everything  we experience, we experience through the brain. Of course it's 
in my  head."

"Just because someone looks OK to you, doesn't mean you should  treat them 
like they're faking it."

8. Avoiding eye contact or keeping  your questions to yourself.

"I have some form of Tourette's syndrome. I  love questions. Questions show 
concern and interest, and that is (for me at  least) infinitely more 
preferable than awkward tension."

"I only have  one eye. Look, I already know I look different. I understand 
that your kid is  curious. That's a good thing. Let me answer their 
questions. They can learn  something and find out that I'm still a nice guy even 
though I look different.  Don't make them feel afraid to talk to people who 
don't look exactly like  them."

But remember, everyone is different.

"Many of the things  that some people don't want could likewise be things 
others might welcome. The  point is, everyone is different and has different 
needs and feelings about  their situation in life. My advice is engage in a 
conversation and ask if  there is anything you can do. If the answer is yes, 
help. If the answer is no,  fine. This applies to everyone - not just those 
people with a clear physical  impairment."
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