[Ohio-talk] Dumber than a Box of Oreos

[richard]

I am sorry that you had to go through that. I normally have good help when I
shop.
The fact is that we must educate people even when it hurts us. lol


-----Original Message-----
From: Ohio-talk [mailto:ohio-talk-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Kaiti
Shelton via Ohio-talk
Sent: Sunday, January 25, 2015 5:46 PM
To: NFB of Ohio Announcement and Discussion List
Subject: [Ohio-talk] Dumber than a Box of Oreos

Hi all,

I've been thinking about society's perceptions of blind people a lot this
week, especially with the release of the podcast on NPR featuring Daniel
Kish.  I've kept up with the musings of White Cane Guy on this list, and had
a similar experience yesterday morning.  Coming back from my destination,
I'll admit I was a little fed up with the sighted humanity around me, but
after telling the story to a friend and my roommates, I've come to put a
positive (and funny) spin on the problem.  One roommate suggest I turn it
into a comedy skit and title it "Dumber Than a Box of Oreos."  I don't think
Comedy Central is in my future, but this is also the roommate who I joke
with about driving a car.  She and I have a teasing relationship (she'll
tell one of our other friends that it's my turn to drive her home, and I
used to tease her for leaving the crutches she used for a few weeks due to a
foot injury around the house by calling out for "Tiny Tim" to come get her
crutch whenever I knocked one over.

Anyway, here's the story.  I decided earlier this week that I needed to pick
up some groceries and that I would go to Meijer instead of the Kroger near
my campus because I haven't been impressed with the produce there the last
few times I've gone.  I also was really happy to figure out that a Meijer
was near by because I used to have to go to Kroger for groceries and
Wal-Mart for other things.  The super-store was just easier in general, and
since my family shops at Meijer more often than not at home I understood the
layout of the store better.
I take para-transit to the Meijer and find the customer service desk.
This was my first clue that most of the staff was older and not used to
seeing customers with disabilities, or at least customers who are blind.  I
got to the customer service desk and asked for some shopping assistance.
The woman informed me that it would be about a 10 minute wait, which seemed
odd.  I didn't necessarily mind it, but from shopping on my own in the past
and working as a receptionist doing customer service kind of work, I know
you're not supposed to just say, "We'll get to you in ten minutes."  She
asked if she could take me over by the bank to sit down, and I said I didn't
mind waiting there.
I didn't want to go quietly sit and have her forget about me.  Sure enough,
as soon as I took a few steps away from the desk and assured her that I
didn't mind standing she started calling employees to come help me shop.
She called one guy in particular, and after a few calls she managed to get
him up to customer service.  He was an older man, probably in his late 50s
or 60s, and he seemed pleasant enough.

The interactions I had with this man were some of the weirdest I've had.  IT
started normal enough.  He assumed I needed more help than I did, so I
politely told him I'd follow him and didn't need to be pulled by the arm
through the store or given directions every time we made a turn.  He asked
if I needed a cart and I replied that a basket should do since I had a
fairly small list.  We get over by the cart chorale, and he asks me again if
I need one.  I repeat that a basket should work fine, but he says, "We'll
use a walking one anyway."  This would turn into a point of hilarity for my
roommate I joke with, who is now coming up with random literal names for
household objects to go along with "walking basket."  E.G, Scissors are now
"Cutting implements."  I didn't fight him on this; I had a deadline to get
my shopping done so I could catch my next ride, so if he wanted to use a
walking basket instead of a normal basket, that was fine by me even if he
really didn't take my choices as the customer into consideration for
whatever reason.

We start off in produce, and when I ask if there happen to be any cherries
in stock he just walks off, leaving me and the cart by the apples while he
goes and checks.  I was a little irked by this, since usually my shopping
assistants have just had me go with them so I could pick the kind of grocery
I want if it is indeed there.  The man comes back and announces that there
aren't any cherries.  Figuring that they're just not in season right now, I
move on to the next item on my list which is salad.  I'm a very detailed
shopper and know the brands, basic descriptors of the packaging, and the
general price range for each product I buy.  I describe my usual salad for
him and he goes off on a wild goose chase along the wall of packaged
vegitables looking for it.  Even by telling him the brand he finds himself
looking in other areas.  I have to remind him, "I thought you said all the
Dole groceries were around where I'm standing?," and he comes back towards
me.  We finally find the salad and toss it into the walking basket.

This kind of incident repeats itself over and over again in the pasta aisle,
in the dairy section when I'm trying to get some cheese, and when I ask him
to read the expiration date on a package of ham he just couldn't seem to
find it and needed to call someone else.  When I ask for Townhouse Crackers
in the cracker aisle the guy misses them at the head of the aisle, and
continues down to where the cookies are.  When he announces that there are
oreos available, I decide to get some even though they aren't on my list.
Oreos are a big thing in my fraternity's house, so I decide to grab a box
for the roommates and I to share.  the man tells me to give him my hand.  I
offer it to him palm up in anticipation for the pack of Oreos to be handed
to me since I'm closer to the cart.  He takes me by the wrist, flips my hand
over, and sticks it on top of the Oreo package.  With my fingers over the
little pull tab used to open the top of the package he informs me, "This is
how you open it."

It shocked me for a good ten minutes that this man was so blatantly
disrespectful.  I was not an equal, I was like a small child who he felt
needed to be taught even though in my opinion I was the more capable one of
the two of us based on his shopping skills.  Somehow I had the gumption to
strategically organize my own transportation for
8:00 AM on a Saturday morning when the store would be less crowded, plan out
a list of what I needed in advance and have the money to pay for the
groceries, but it was just unimaginable to this man that a 21-year-old blind
woman had ever encountered a box of Oreos in her life, let alone have the
knowledge to know how to open them.

I tried to think of things from his perspective and find other possible
explanations.  I wondered if the man had an intellectual disability, so I
started making small talk as we were walking between aisles to find items.
Although I cannot be certain of anything, he did not appear to have any
intellectual disabilities based on our conversations.  He chatted with me
about football, about the weather, and even responded naturally when I said
that I went to UD.  The funny thing was that he asked me how often I get out
and shop, and I answered "Every 2 weeks."  I was hoping that maybe the man
was getting the picture that I was more capable than he thought, but we had
our last incident that seemed to prove otherwise.

Since coming back to school there have been little viruses floating around
campus.  I caught a 24 hour stomach bug at the end of week one, and caught a
virus with flu-like symptoms right after that.  I decided to start taking
Airborn, which most of you have probably heard commercials for.  I tell him
that Airborn is the last item on my list when we pick up a box of tissues in
the cleaning section, and he takes me just next door to another aisle.  When
he starts announcing air fresheners like Glade and Fabreeze, I recognize the
problem and tell him that we're in the wrong aisle.  I was a little irked
because several times before when I read off my list so he could judge which
items were closest to us in the store I simply referred to Airborn as
"Medicine."  I thought he had been listening to me, which is why when we
were going to specifically look for the item I became more specific and
started providing details.  He stops another employee to ask where the aisle
we need is, and then we set off.  He starts looking for it at one end of the
aisle where all the childrens medicines are.  He slowly makes his way toward
me where he left the walking basket in the middle of the aisle, and
announces, "There's childrens Airborn," as if that is what I'm looking for.
I tell him I'll need the adult strength, and he continues down the aisle,
slowly looking for it.  He says, "Well, the children's one was in a bottle,
so I'm looking for a bottle."  I say, "I've had it before, I don't think it
is," but he keeps going as if he didn't hear me.  Finally, a fellow shopper
points it out to him and he says, "Oh, it's in a box," as if there is reason
for surprise.  Grateful to have someone willing to talk to me normally, I
ask the woman if that's it.  She says yes, and confirms that the chewable
tablets are what I'm looking for.  She hands me the box, sees my nose red
from tissue rash and makes a recommendation for another immune booster I can
also take with Airborn.  We have a brief conversation about that and how her
daughter started taking it before a study abroad trip, I tell her about
Jamaica and she recommends that I take the other medication regardless of
whether or not I feel sick before flying to Jamaica because it seemed to
work well for her daughter, and we wish each other a good day.

We go to check out and instead of going to a staffed checkout line the man
takes me through self-checkout, which I don't like.  I start searching for
the bar code label on a bottle of salsa verde, and he just takes it from me
as if I were handing it to him so he could swipe it.  I had no independence
as far as this man was concerned, and all the times I had said I could do
this or that without assistance didn't seem to sink in.  All I needed was
someone to read and find things so I could quickly and efficiently get my
shopping done, but this shopping trip with a shorter list than usual took
almost 30 minutes more than it takes for me to shop with a usual list.  And
just when I felt like I couldn't stand to not be more forceful with this
guy, I really couldn't because even if I scanned and bagged all my things
myself, I'd need him to reliably tell me my totals and read the credit card
scanner.  Since there is still time before my bus pick up, I decide to go
sit on a bench in the front of a store to wait.  I'm there for about 20
minutes before the man comes by again and appears to be checking on me.
It's a gesture that usually I appreciate, sometimes random people in Kroger
will ask if I'm waiting for someone just out of curiosity or lack of
knowledge about how para-transit works, but I had had enough with this man.
I tell him I'm fine and somehow manage to still be polite.  He tells me a
bus is outside, and I dismiss it.  My ride isn't supposed to be here at
least for another
5 minutes, it's still 15 minutes before the scheduled time and RTA's window
starts 10 minutes before, it must be for someone else as well and they're
going to get them.  Then the man asks how will I know when my bus comes or
if that one might also have me on it, and I say, "I don't know, but I'll go
outside and check."  I gather up my groceries.
I've thought ahead here too, and have a backpack with two bags of canned
stuff on my back.  The load in my hands is perfectly manageable even with a
cane, so I start picking everything up.  He tries to grab a bag and my
pitcher of iced tea from me, but I tell him "No thanks, I've got it."  He
starts to say, "But," and I reply, "No, I really do have it."  I follow the
driver outside and get onto the bus.  I pay for my fare and sit down.  We
get back to my house, and by this point I've had 15 minutes to brood on that
last encounter.

I will confess that I might have taken out some of my frustration on the RTA
driver.  My street is one way, and he was going to pull down it, turn around
in a nearby parking lot on campus, and come back down it the wrong way so
the door could be facing my house.  I know this is an RTA rule, but it's one
of many I find ridiculous for those who do not have mobility impairments
that prevent us from crossing a street and walking a few more yards to our
doors.  I tell him I can get off here, and assure him when I say that it is
fine.  He too offers to to walk me to my door and carry my groceries.  I
tell him as well that I've got my bags under control, but he stands up to
take some of them anyway.  I still kept a civil tone, but I told him again,
"I really am fine.  I'm used to carrying my own things."  I get off the bus,
cross the street, walk up to my front door, and go inside.  While this was
happening I was almost offended that the driver seemed offended that I had
refused his help.  It bothered me that people on RTA and in Meijer seemed to
think that if they offered help I as a blind person was
obligated to be passive and take it.   I am by no means above asking
for help (I did take para-transit and ask for shopping assistance after
all), but this brand of help was overbearing and unwanted.

I was feeling really crumudgeonly about the whole morning by that time, and
told a friend who was over about the event.  Thankfully, she was able to see
the funny side of the situation, which helped me to see it too.  We made fun
of it.  I grabbed the box of Oreos from the table as I was putting
everything away and demonstrated for her that I could indeed open a box of
Oreos.  She feigned astonishment, and asked, "But, do you know how to pick
up an Oreo.?"  I pretended to be stunned and struggle with this concept for
a few seconds before popping an Oreo into my mouth.  "There you go!," she
praised as if I were a dog.  Later I told my roommate that I tease with, and
after she laughed about the walking basket incident and the oOreos she said,
"That's ridiculous.  You should just tell us whenever you want to go to
Meijer from now on.  There's no point in doing something by yourself if they
won't let you do it by yourself."

There is a point to it though.  It does seem pointless sometimes when
society is as dense as it sometimes can be, but that's what we're all about.
We need to take the perceptions that blind people are helpless, foreign, or
too incompetent to open a box of Oreos and change them so that people know
that blind people can be independent and capable.  If it is so unfathomable
that a blind person cannot function in a grocery store to the employees at
Meijer, then I guess I'll just have to teach them otherwise.  I know that
the employees at Kroger have seen other blind customers and assisted them in
shopping, so maybe my positive interactions there and the negative one I had
at Meijer have nothing to do with chance, but have everything to do with
experience and a lack thereof.  I will keep going there, and next time I'll
plan for a longer shopping time so I can demand to be treated like an
independent human being if things go awry again.  I won't allow myself to be
left standing near the apples while the employee looks for cherries, and if
he's really that bad again I won't hesitate to ask for a idifferent shopping
assistant.  I'll still go at 8:00 In the morning, and I'll speak to a
manager of customer service if I need to.  I'll remain polite as I did this
time, but I won't let the status quo stand.  The status quo is what is so
hurtful to blind people, and as a member of the NFB I want to change what it
means to be blind
--
Kaiti Shelton
University of Dayton 2016.
Music Therapy, Psychology, Philosophy
President, Ohio Association of Blind Students Sigma Alpha Iota-Delta Sigma

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