[stylist] Emailing: obama.doc

[James Canaday M.A. N6YR]

dear Justin,
I read your essay on Obama taking the Presidency.
in a few places, you have sentences which are two thoughts long, that 
is, they should be two sentences instead of one.  in a couple places 
I noted where perhaps one sentence was appropriate but with a 
semicolon in the middle as a pivot.
in just two places I thought your word choice was poor or 
unclear.  however, in too many sentences  there were cliche 
expressions or overused metaphors.

I also think you will have trouble getting this published because 
there really isn't much depth or detail to this.  for example, it 
confuses the work of slaves to build the Whitehouse with calling 
Barack Obama a black man or a black american, when he is not a child 
of american slavery.  his election is historic and 
important.  however, much of his speechifying is equally shallow and 
without detail, and to hook such a proclamation to his presidency at 
the end  is questionable.
the "old guard" is one of the cliche terms, but you will note that 
the majority of Obama's appointments come from the Clinton era, and 
though his appointment for Attorney General is black, he helped 
defend the gunpoint returning of a six-year-old cuban boy to be 
brainwashed in Cuba.
obviously, I am not a fam of Obama, and I didn't vote for him.
the mainstream media has been writing puff-pieces on Obama since he 
emerged on the national stage.  the Los Angeles Times editorial 
called him "the magic negro" for being acceptable to white americans 
to vote for, but not being a child of american slavery.   it is 
historic that a Kenyan-american, the first man with dark skin, has 
become president.
The most powerful child of american slavery in american government 
today is Clarance Thomas.

if you want to write on this topic, add some depth, some quotes, some 
facts the reader doesn't already know.
good luck,
jc

Jim Canaday M.A.
Lawrence, KS

At 07:44 AM 2/1/2009, you wrote:
>I just wrote this as an inspirational piece for everyone.  Would you, my
>fellow NFB writers extrordinaires, please give me your feedback.  I would
>like to submit this to the black newspater, our daily paper, and maybe some
>magazines.
>Thank you, and All Hale the NFB.
>Our cause goes marching on.
>The message is ready to be sent with the following file or link attachments:
>
>obama.doc
>
>
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