[stylist] chapter one- need feedback

[Barbara Hammel]

So are you saying with your chapter headings that what happens in Chapter 1 
is on the same day as what happens in chapter 2?
Now if that's so, that makes me want to read the whole thing to know how 
these lives will intertwine and which characters will it be that meet.
Barbara

The Hawkeyes are 9 and 0!  Let's go Iowa Hawkeyes!

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Judith Bron" <jbron at optonline.net>
Sent: Sunday, November 01, 2009 11:58 AM
To: "Stylist" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: [stylist] chapter one- need feedback

> Perhaps I should have started with chapter one.  However, I wanted to make 
> sure the reader would be just as engrossed in the second chapter as the 
> first.  Obviously these first two chapters introduce the reader to the 
> characters.  Judith
>
> CHAPTER ONE
>
>
>
> Curtis Cove, New York November 1977
>
> Jennifer's thoughts were a safe haven and the only place in the world she 
> could escape to for security.  Usually while in her hypnotic state she 
> managed to be cognizant of the world around her.  But this Saturday 
> morning she was so deep in thought she managed to block out the sounds of 
> people talking, kids playing and horns honking.    As she wandered 
> aimlessly down the street in the teenage uniform of jeans, a sweater and 
> navy ski jacket she thought about her inability to love anyone.  Suddenly 
> horns blared, tires squealed and sirens wailed.  She lay on the street 
> oblivious to the sounds and horror engulfing her.
>
> Randy, captain of her high school football team, happened to be jogging 
> down the street when the accident happened.  He ran to the scene and saw 
> Jennifer lying in the street with a policeman hovering over her.  "Is she 
> all right?"
>
> "Don't know.  Just called for an ambulance.  Who is she?"
>
> "Jennifer Rabinowitz.  She lives a block from here."
>
> "Can you get her parents?"
>
> "She's an orphan.  I'll get her Foster mother.    Where are they taking 
> her?"
>
> "Arthur Memorial Hospital.  They have a good trauma center.  They'll need 
> her guardian's signature."
>
> Jennifer lay immobile, her long hair now covering her face.  Randy's 
> inclination was to brush it aside, but he couldn't get that close.  With 
> one last glance at Jennifer he took off for the Hamilton house.
>
> When Sheila answered the door he blurted out the story.
>
> "Where is she?"
>
> "When I left the scene she was lying in the middle of the street.  The 
> policeman said they're taking her to Arthur Memorial."
>
> Sheila grabbed her coat screaming to her other foster daughter, "Cindy, 
> watch the kids.  There's an emergency!"
>
> One of the technicians at the scene yelled, "Get the oxygen.  Respiratory 
> distress!"
>
> Unaware of the flurry of activity around her Jennifer floated over her 
> body ending up in a different place.  A woman approached her.  "Jennifer, 
> it's me, mommy.  I want you to know I love you.  Your time is not up. 
> Your life will get better.  Everything will be fine, dear.  I love you."
>
> Jennifer started following her mother.
>
> Sheila and Randy ran into the emergency room shortly after Jennifer had 
> been brought in.
>
> The Waiting doctors began their examination immediately.  One doctor 
> commanded, "Get me the defibrillator."
>
>  Oblivious to the furor around her Jennifer said, "Mommy, I want to stay 
> here.  My life is awful.  I can't love anyone."
>
> "You need to continue.  Your life will get better.  Wonderful people will 
> prove to you that you can love and be loved.  I love you.  Go back now."
>
> The medical staff brought the equipment necessary to resuscitate Jennifer. 
> The doctors applied the panels to Jennifer's chest.  A huge burst of 
> energy started her heart beating again.  Jennifer took a deep, labored 
> breath.  In the hospital room a cheer went up among the doctors and 
> nurses.  As soon as Jennifer began breathing on her own she was trundled 
> at top speed to a CAT scan which showed the medical team that neither her 
> spine nor limbs were broken.  She didn't have any internal bleeding.  Dr. 
> Green thought, "This is one lucky girl."
>
> Randy and Sheila sat in the waiting room anxiously awaiting word about 
> Jennifer.  Randy glanced at his watch.  "I have to call the coach to tell 
> him I'm not playing this afternoon and Jennifer's not cheering.  Be right 
> back."
>
> Once Jennifer was put in a room Randy and Sheila kept vigil beside her bed 
> gazing bleakly at the   oxygen, bottles of fluid and monitor.  Sheila 
> thought, "This is a nightmare!"
>
> Randy wondered if his friend would ever cheer for a football game again. 
> After her recovery would she still be the most beautiful girl in the 
> world?  Once she was back to normal would she continue to refuse his 
> dates?
>
> An alarm on the monitor went off bringing nurses and doctors rushing into 
> the room pushing the platform that held those paddles.   Ignoring the 
> panic around her body Jennifer told her mother, "Mommy, I don't want to go 
> back.  I'm different from the other kids.  They remind me all the time."
>
> "Don't worry about being different.  Everything will be fine.  You have a 
> beautiful life ahead of you.  It's time to go back now."
>
> "No, Mommy!  Don't make me go!"
>
> Jennifer slammed back into her body, aware again of the pain.  The doctor 
> lifted the defibrillator, vastly relieved.  "Welcome back, Jennifer.  Hang 
> in there."
>
> Randy leaned forward speaking to the girl in the bed.  "Keep fighting, 
> Jennifer.  We're all praying for you."
>
> They kept their vigil beside her bed.  At one point Randy said, "It looks 
> like she's stabilized.  I think I'd better head over to the field.  Be 
> back right after the game."  Sheila continued praying that her favorite 
> foster child would be all right.  Jennifer seemed to be going in and out 
> of consciousness.  She would open her eyes briefly before slipping back 
> into either slumber or unconsciousness.  Sheila couldn't tell.  She just 
> kept watching, waiting and praying while nurses and doctors entered the 
> room to take Jennifer's vitals and read the monitors.
>
> When Randy got back after the game Jennifer woke for more than a few 
> minutes.  Sheila asked, "How do you feel, Jennifer?"
>
> "Weak and sore.  When are they going to take away this oxygen?"
>
> "I'll check.  Can I get you something to eat?"
>
> "If it's not too much I would like a cheese sandwich."
>
> "Let me find out."
>
> After she left Randy said, "I played today.  Everyone sends their best 
> wishes.  I was so upset that I blew a touchdown pass.  We lost."
>
> Jennifer responded weakly, "I'm sorry, Randy.  I know how much that trophy 
> means to you."
>
> Carrying a sandwich and cup of juice Sheila appeared at her bedside.  "The 
> nurse said the doctor will be in soon to see about the oxygen.  I brought 
> you a sandwich."
>
> "Thanks, Sheila."
>
> Jennifer started eating her sandwich and Sheila said, "I have to get 
> going.  Cindy has plans for tonight and Ted has to work.  I'll send Ted up 
> with your things.  I'll be back tomorrow morning."  She kissed Jennifer 
> and left.
>
> A minute later a doctor came in.  "Good evening, Jennifer.  I'm Dr. 
> Jackson.  I'm covering Dr. Green's patients tonight.  Mrs. Hamilton asked 
> the nurse about the oxygen.  I want to keep it going until tomorrow 
> morning.  Dr. Green will evaluate you at that time.  Is there anything 
> else I can do for you?"
>
> "Can I take a shower?"
>
> "When the nurse comes in tomorrow she will help you with that.  Is 
> everything else all right?"
>
> "I guess so.  Thanks."  He left the room.
>
> Jennifer turned to Randy.  "Thanks for everything, Randy.  I don't 
> remember anything.  Can you tell me about it?"
>
> Randy described the activities that morning.  "A few times your heart 
> stopped beating.  It was strange.  You looked so peaceful.  Do you 
> remember anything?"
>
> She lied, "I don't remember a thing.  I had no idea it was that serious."
>
> "How are you feeling now?"
>
> "I still feel weak and sore, but other than that fine."
>
> "Can I ask you a serious question?"
>
> "Sure.  But please forgive me if I'm not in the mood to answer it."
>
> "What will it take for you to go out with me?"
>
> "Randy, there's a lot going on in my head.  I need time to straighten it 
> all out.  Right now you are the best friend I have in the world.  Just 
> keep on being my friend.  That's the best thing you can do for me."
>
> "I know others give you a hard time about your last name.  Is that part of 
> the problem you have to work out?"
>
> "That's a big part of it.  I don't know who I am.  You guys know your 
> parents, what they expect from you and people to turn to when you need 
> answers to important questions.  I haven't had that since I was two.
>
> I also have my career in clothing design to think about.  I guess right 
> now that's my identity.  But how can you create an identity out of a spool 
> of thread, a piece of cloth and sewing notions?  I need more than that.  I 
> need to explore this Jewish thing.  I guess my parents were Jewish.  How 
> else would I end up with a name like Rabinowitz?  Right now I don't know 
> where to begin my search."
>
> "If there's anything I can do to help you just ask."
>
> "Randy, do I have all kinds of bruises on my face?"
>
> Randy smiled.  "You look like the most beautiful girl in the world who got 
> into a fight and almost lost."
>
> "I guess I didn't lose.  When I get up my courage I'll look in the 
> mirror."
>
> "You're looking tired.  I'll be back tomorrow morning."
>
> "Good night, Randy.  Thanks again."
>
>
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