[stylist] Rough draft of a poem.

[James H. "Jim" Canaday M.A. N6YR]

Alan,
rewrote with stronger language.  there's a seaman's word for the 
ocean's spray and of course I couldn't put my mind on it else I would 
have used it too.  I think it starts with sp...
hope you don't mind, and of course you are quite free to hit the 
delete button on this.
jc


Full Moon and High Tide

The full moon held the beach of his life

and tugged at the tide of his passions

The flood tide--his need for her

the weighty water--a million tears he had cried

the thundering was his beating heart

Crashing waves--his endless torment

ebbing came upon a memory

that for just a moment

fate only conspires to keep them apart

not to tear them asunder


_______________________________________________


At 03:51 PM 10/3/2009, you wrote:
>Hi everyone,
>I just wrote this poem, but I feel it is very rough and needs 
>work.  Any thoughts and feedback are greatly appreciated.
>
>I am trying to convey emotional tumult in terms of a beach with a 
>full moon.  This just seems weak to me, and could be stronger.  Hre it is:
>Full Moon and High Tide
>
>
>
>The full moon shone on the beach of his life
>
>and pulled on the tides of his emotions
>
>
>
>The high tide of his love for her
>
>the water seeming like the million tears he had cried
>
>the thunderous sound his beating heart
>
>
>
>
>
>ebbing only came when he remembered
>
>that for the time being
>
>fate conspires to keep them apart
>
>
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