[stylist] DBG (chapter 4)

[LoriStay at aol.com]

If you say four a.m. (periods after each letter here), you don't need to 
mention it's morning, since a.m. means morning.   In this case, I'd leave the 
a.m. out and let the rest of the sentence define it.

As the train arrived Stormy tried to make a lounge
You probably mean a lunge   (l u n g e, rather than l o u n g e)

 So I had to kidnap you
instead...
I'd probably say rescue rather than kidnap.   Kidnap has rather a bad 
connotation.   We've had a lot of children kidnapped in the states recently, and 
then found again.   Their kidnappers had sexually molested them.     Yes, 
rescue is definitely the word I'd use.

question:   is this a desert environment?   That's the only place I'd 
expect to see trains and camels (as I have in the mid-east)
 This was
something I wasn't use to. 
the word should be used (u s e d) rather than use (u s e)

 She would smile
brightly for me but the smile hardly ever reached her eye.
Do you mean eyes?   Or no, I guess she only has one, but the expression 
around the eyes has to do with facial muscles.   In fact, expressions are more 
easily seen around the mouth.   

Today she seemed more anxious then usual.  Something was definitely
bothering her.
The word is than (t h a n)

I note you consistently leave out the punctuation at the end of the quotes. 
  I've read a lot of books written in Brittain, and that isn't something 
done.   I know I said I wouldn't mention it again, but I'm just wondering why 
you do it that way.
Lori

In a message dated 9/7/09 3:43:29 PM, dreamavdb at googlemail.com writes:


> Liza got me out
> of bed at about four am every morning
>