[stylist] seeking feedback

[Frank Lordi]

Greetings all;

Here are some excerpts from the rough draft i'm working on.  I've been impressed by all the thoughts and ideas circulating here, so I've decided ot offer these snippits for critique.  I'm very interested in what everyone has to say.
thanks!

CHAPTER  -  Red Sky at Morning

A bright yellow sun slowly climbed its clear pink sky above the Norrich Industries mine works.  The land was flat, barren strewn with dirt, sand, and pebbles, anything larger having been consumed by the mining machines months ago.  These monster machines rolled on ten foot wheels; massive metal studded black tires grinding under all before them.  Everywhere they moved in the shadow of still larger structures.   

Structures there were aplenty for the Norrich Works was a city of its own.  Edi faces of every form spread across strip mined planes; their struts and girders the foliage of an industrial jungle. Residential domes, bright airy constructs of glass and metal housed workers by the hundreds.  Ore grinders dwelling in vast corrugated sheds were fed endless streams of rock on belts the size of city streets.  Smelters, immense concrete beehive, roared and smoked like slumbering dragons.  Thirty story tall refinery towers here and there raised their cylindrical shoulders towards the wisps of cloud far above.  Near the outskirts of the industrial sanctum sat a hand full of stark white landing pads, cement squares two-hundred yards across.  Heavy lift vehicles on their launch rails, ribbons of metal that stretched for miles into the desert waited to take flight.  Out still farther, at the very edge of the pit were located the city's beating hearts, one each east
 and west.  Safe under their reinforced domes they beat day and night crushing hydrogen in their hellish chambers, and belching helium from titanium valves.

CHAPTER – Flight 

Vash's finger moved; a soft caress on the firing pin to wake the ardor of his fighter's autocannons.  Their rumbling growl thumped in his ears, and rolled up through his feet.  Orange tracers stitched two lines in the utter blackness and a rock gray craft flew to pieces.  Up here, alone in the dark Vash soaked in a sea of peace.  There was no heavy cruiser, no swarm of fighter craft dancing their dance of death.  There was no faithless wife, no fallen friend.  Here there was only dark in all its shades and colors.  Vash knew it well.  He could ride its rhythms, and feel its currents.  With a thought he reached for threads of utter night, embracing them when the laws of physics flung him back and squeezed sight to a fading tunnel.  Now less firmness, stroke them softly, softly.  The fighter straitened feet from a great warship's exposed belly.  Vash plucked, a musician now, drawing fort ht he notes he desired.  Lost in the song he played again and again
 sliding under that river he loved so well, drinking its waters until burning lungs forced Vash back again as they always did.  

The cruiser rolled gushing flames and belching atmosphere.  Shapes of metal and of flesh froze instantly or melted in a flash.  A lone fighter streaked into the darkness.

CHAPTER – Daughter of Day

John's breath would not come.  His words would not form, for never had he seen such a sight.  Nothing from the high walls of Alexandria to Hadrien's Tower could have any claim to beauty or wonder beyond those of the girl before him.  Robes of white draped her slender form brushing the polished floor.  Seemingly endless waves of golden hair to her waist shimmered and shown equal to the golden sash girding her and looped over her right shoulder.  In her hands the yew wood staff, bound with seven bands of gold, rested in such a way as to seem only another part of her, delicate and lovely as its mistress. Sarah's eyes smiled fondly, blue as the summer sky, deep as the eternal ocean, flashing with pride and expectation.