[stylist] FLM Chapter 3 for your consideration

[LoriStay at aol.com]

Hi, Shelley.   just a couple of comments from a nitpicking editor!   Read 
on.
 


> I was going to do the right thing we were going to get married and raise 
> the baby.
> 
Need a period after the word "thing."   Otherwise it's a run on sentence.

 He let me lie against that couch sick and sobbing

I do wonder if this is a man's personality.   He seems to cry a lot.   I'd 
probably have written, "He let me lie against that couch sick at heart."

getting us safe and sound to wherever we were going. I didn't really have 
time to think about Allison May Handling.
You might want to break this up by giving us a new paragraph at "I didn't 
really...etc."

Most editors don't like solid blocks of text that go on and on, as it 
causes a problem to sighted readers.

 Waving to railfans, tal
king to people at stations
you somehow have separated the word talking into two parts here. 

that was allfine. But thinking of anything seriously was out of the 
question.
all fine should be two words.   
And while we're on the subject, all right is also two words.

"Judy loves you, Glen," was all he said. Don't forget that.
Missing a quote mark by the word "Don't..."

"Well, lets go eat.
let's has an apostrophe in it.

"You tell me when you can it's okay."
This should be two sentences.

 I took one of my hands and rubbed my eyes
This is an odd construction.   What else would you rub your eyes with?   
And why "I took one of my hands..."?   Maybe just, "I rubbed my eyes..."

"You do that," she said. "I need to go to the church and help the ladies 
with a baby shower. I'll come by later on in the evening."

"Please do that,"
The repetition of   "do that..." caught my eye.   Maybe he could just say, 
"I will if you will," or "Thanks."

"Please do that," I said, needing this girls' strength.
girl should be singular, so the apostrophe is in the wrong place.

my white, small house
sounds odd.   Maybe my small, white house...?

Our feet scraped across the cobblestones, tracking gently through the 
short, green grass of the front lawn.
Is it lawn or stones?   If one after the other, then say: ...cobblestones, 
and tracked...

She curled my fingers through her's
The possessive hers, his and its do not take apostrophes.

she said as if awe struck.
Something says to me that awestruck should be one word.

I think you've sometimes spelled Glen with one n, and sometimes with two 
n's.   You might want to check.   (Not sure)

As for the overall story, it makes me want to keep reading, so it has to be 
good.   The major problem I have with it is the ready tears this man sheds. 
  
Lori