[stylist] Feedback request, General content: Minneapolis Bus (Comma Rules)

Mon May 3 08:01:21 UTC 2010

I saw that Neal pointed out some grammar and sentence structure
errors, so I decided to send some rules that I use for my students
when teaching writing online.  This is just a brief summary of commas,
semicolons, comma splices, fused sentences, and fragments.  Do with it
what you want.

Thanks,

Priscilla

COMMAS:
Commas are used for several reasons, including:
1.	Use a comma to separate introductory phrases.
Wrong: In the afternoon she likes to ride her bike.
Right: In the afternoon, she likes to ride her bike.

2.  Use commas between lists of words in sentences, including before
the conjunction.
Wrong: The flag is red, white and blue.
Right: The flag is red, white, and blue.

3.  Use pairs of commas to separate phrases that are not essential to
the meaning of sentences.
Wrong: Sam a ten-year-old boy won the spelling contest.
Right: Sam, a ten-year-old boy, won the spelling contest.

4.  Use commas before conjunctions, like “and” or “but,” when joining
two independent clauses.
Wrong: The girl went to the store but she didn’t have any money.
Right: The girl went to the store, but she didn’t have any money.

5.  Use commas after dialogue introductions.
Wrong: Mary climbed into the car and said “I guess I’ll go.”
Right: Mary climbed in the car and said, “I guess I’ll go.”

6.  Don’t use commas to separate two dependent clauses.
Wrong: She went to the store, and bought bread.
Right: She went to the store and bought bread.

SEMICOLONS:
In addition, semicolons are used to separate two related independent
clauses.  For example: The girl went to the store; she didn’t have any
money.

The girl went to the store; however, she didn’t have any money.

COMMA SPLICES:
A comma splice has the comma but no coordinating conjunction.
Example: I went to the store, I bought bread.
A fused sentence has neither the comma nor the conjunction.
Example: I went to the store I bought bread.
Both of those could be revised by doing one of the following:
1.  Create two separate sentences using a period.  (I went to the
store.  I bought bread.)
2.  Add a conjunction like ‘and’ or ‘but’ to join the sentences. (I
went to the store, and I bought bread.)
3.  Separate the clauses with a semicolon. (I went to the store; I
bought bread.)

FRAGMENTS:
Sentence fragments are dependent clauses that cannot stand alone.
There are a few words that might indicate that you have a dependent
clause, including: because, before, since, after, which, as, and if.
These markers may indicate that you have a dependent clause that
cannot stand alone.  In other words, you could not have a complete
sentence if you wrote:

Because she wanted to go.

Instead, you should link this dependent clause with an independent
clause as in the following:

Because she wanted to go, the girl got dressed and put on her shoes.

You also could make this independent by dropping one word as in the following:

She wanted to go.

On 5/2/10, BDM <lists at braddunsemusic.com> wrote:
> Neal,
>
> OK gotcha now. I'll make the change thanks.
>
> Brad
>
> At 06:35 PM 5/2/2010, you wrote:
>>Brad,
>>
>>I think you missed my point about "kid's." Here is the relevant part in
>>your text:
>>
>>"The kid's chatter diminished as even they became aware of the state these
>>two gents..."
>>
>>"Kid's" is the possessive of a single kid; your sentence suggests the
>>chatter is from more than one kid (..."as even they..."). Thus, I think
>>you need the possessive of the plural "kids," which is "kids'."
>>
>>Neil
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>--------------------------------------------------
>>From: "BDM" <lists at braddunsemusic.com>
>>Sent: Sunday, May 02, 2010 4:55 PM
>>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>>Subject: Re: [stylist] Feedback request, General  content: Minneapolis  Bus
>>
>>>Neal,
>>>
>>>Thanks again. I took your suggestions minus the "kid's" chatter as it is
>>>the chatter of the kids... as in ownership. I think that would be right
>>>if it's "Brad's article, Neal's evaluation", "kid's chatter"... is that
>>> right?
>>>
>>>I changed the rest and added a  slight bit, not much. Thanks so much for
>>>clarifying the punctuation in the quotes thing, I never knew how that
>>>should have been, now I do. Also I found in my writing lately  there is
>>>much more flow if one uses "and" sparignly. I could probably do a better
>>>job here even, but it seems to propell the thought flow if one  rids them
>>>and changes them to something else as it causes more action.
>>>
>>>If interested, I pasted it below with the suggested changes and a couple
>>>other minor bits . No need to comment just thought to show the changes...
>>>thanks again.
>>>
>>>Having been diagnosed with a retinal disease some years back, I decided
>>>to counteract the traumatic trick life had played by taking a proactive
>>>approach. Before I lost usable vision, the ability to perform certain
>>>tasks without alternative techniques or adaptive technology, I sought out
>>>an adjustment to blindness training center in Minneapolis Minnesota. This
>>>training center is called Blindness Learning In New Dimensions or BLIND
>>>Inc. for short, and was affectionately, yet quite accurately, known as
>>>the "boot camp for blind folks."
>>>
>>>Though apprehensions existed in what life would mean as a blind person, I
>>>looked forward to the challenge of learning skills that would enable me
>>>to live life successfully independent.
>>>
>>>In order to graduate, a student is required to learn skills such as white
>>>cane travel, cooking for a large group of people, reading and writing
>>>Braille, use screen reader technology on the computer, and other daily
>>>life skills accomplished strictly under blind folds. Finally at the end
>>>of the training, each student is required to complete what is known as a
>>>five mile "Graduation Walk." While blindfolded students complete a travel
>>>and mobility course by following a list of Braille directions instructing
>>>them to cross noisy intersections, direct them to specific park
>>>locations, cross bridges, board certain buses and make their way back to
>>>the training center. Upon successful return, a freedom bell is rung in
>>>their honor and as if a congratulations button were pressed, peers and
>>>staff come applauding from classrooms with smiles, hand shakes, and pats
>>>on the back as they share victory over the test.
>>>
>>>The day of my graduation walk turned out to be an unseasonably warm one,
>>>and about three quarters of the way into my five mile graduation course,
>>>my legs found great relief on the city transit portion of the test. On
>>>the surprisingly quiet bus with nothing else to do but listen to the
>>>engine roar and a buzzing fly next to me crashing its head into the
>>>window in efforts to escape, my attention was occasionally given to the
>>>entrance and exit of passengers at the stops.
>>>
>>>At one particular stop, my ear picked up on a huge group of young
>>>elementary kids overtaking the bus, encompassing every available seat,
>>>leaving the teachers and a few chivalrous passengers standing while they
>>>held tight to the grab bars. Excited conversation assured me the kids
>>>were on an early morning field trip.
>>>
>>>Sensing unusual activity at the front of the bus after the kids got on, I
>>>curiously cheated by lifting my blindfold to find two gents were boarding
>>>rather boisterously. Apparently they were still "having a night out";
>>>unaware the sun had risen right along with their blood alcohol level. One
>>>stared down the isle with concentrated beady eyes pulling focus enough to
>>>find the bus full. Conceding to the empty grab bar in the front of the
>>>bus, he droopily hugged the pole with both arms like a skinny date  in a
>>>slow dance. The other fellow cockily swaggered about the bus exploring
>>>for a seat, using passenger's shoulders like rails in bumper bowling. The
>>>kid's chatter diminished as even they became aware of the state these two
>>>gents were in. Mid way down the long isle and recognizing the bus was
>>>full, the second fellow settled quietly to a staggered stance next to a
>>>nervous teacher. Both stood quiet, as did the rest of the bus with only
>>>the roar of the engine and squeak of the brakes for audible entertainment.
>>>
>>>Finally breaking the intense silence, the adventurous drunk swung his
>>>head sideways staring at the teacher, head bobbing from the bumpy
>>>ride   and alcohol content. With half mast eyes he looked at the teacher
>>>and said, "Pardon me sir."
>>>
>>>The Teacher nervously returned the look replying
>>>
>>>"Yes?"
>>>
>>>The inebriated man proceeded
>>>
>>>"Do you know Jesus Christ?"
>>>
>>>Wide eyed and perplexed at the source of the question, the teacher replied
>>>
>>>"Why, ah, yes. I do."
>>>
>>>The drunken man returned his bobbing head to a forward position slurring
>>>in apparent amazement.
>>>
>>>"Well it sure is a small world isn't it?"
>>>
>>>_______________________________________________
>>>Writers Division web site:
>>>http://www.nfb-writers-division.org <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>
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>>
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>
>
> Brad Dunse
>
> After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box
>
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>
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