[stylist] Feedback request, General content: Minneapolis Bus (Comma Rules)

Mon May 3 09:34:16 UTC 2010

Priscilla,

Thank you very much. That does help. I feel like I need to take 9th grade 
English all over haha. Oddly enough my daughter is an English major, too 
bad she's in Kyrgyzstan serving in the Peace Corps when I decided 
to  re-learn this stuff :). I understand the book Elements of Style is a 
great book for this  too. I've gotten it from BookShare but haven't read it 
yet.

Thanks again, this helps.

Brad

At 03:01 AM 5/3/2010, you wrote:
>I saw that Neal pointed out some grammar and sentence structure
>errors, so I decided to send some rules that I use for my students
>when teaching writing online.  This is just a brief summary of commas,
>semicolons, comma splices, fused sentences, and fragments.  Do with it
>what you want.
>
>Thanks,
>
>Priscilla
>
>
>COMMAS:
>Commas are used for several reasons, including:
>1.      Use a comma to separate introductory phrases.
>Wrong: In the afternoon she likes to ride her bike.
>Right: In the afternoon, she likes to ride her bike.
>
>2.  Use commas between lists of words in sentences, including before
>the conjunction.
>Wrong: The flag is red, white and blue.
>Right: The flag is red, white, and blue.
>
>3.  Use pairs of commas to separate phrases that are not essential to
>the meaning of sentences.
>Wrong: Sam a ten-year-old boy won the spelling contest.
>Right: Sam, a ten-year-old boy, won the spelling contest.
>
>4.  Use commas before conjunctions, like "and" or "but," when joining
>two independent clauses.
>Wrong: The girl went to the store but she didn't have any money.
>Right: The girl went to the store, but she didn't have any money.
>
>5.  Use commas after dialogue introductions.
>Wrong: Mary climbed into the car and said "I guess I'll go."
>Right: Mary climbed in the car and said, "I guess I'll go."
>
>6.  Don't use commas to separate two dependent clauses.
>Wrong: She went to the store, and bought bread.
>Right: She went to the store and bought bread.
>
>SEMICOLONS:
>In addition, semicolons are used to separate two related independent
>clauses.  For example: The girl went to the store; she didn't have any
>money.
>
>The girl went to the store; however, she didn't have any money.
>
>COMMA SPLICES:
>A comma splice has the comma but no coordinating conjunction.
>Example: I went to the store, I bought bread.
>A fused sentence has neither the comma nor the conjunction.
>Example: I went to the store I bought bread.
>Both of those could be revised by doing one of the following:
>1.  Create two separate sentences using a period.  (I went to the
>store.  I bought bread.)
>2.  Add a conjunction like 'and' or 'but' to join the sentences. (I
>went to the store, and I bought bread.)
>3.  Separate the clauses with a semicolon. (I went to the store; I
>bought bread.)
>
>FRAGMENTS:
>Sentence fragments are dependent clauses that cannot stand alone.
>There are a few words that might indicate that you have a dependent
>clause, including: because, before, since, after, which, as, and if.
>These markers may indicate that you have a dependent clause that
>cannot stand alone.  In other words, you could not have a complete
>sentence if you wrote:
>
>Because she wanted to go.
>
>Instead, you should link this dependent clause with an independent
>clause as in the following:
>
>Because she wanted to go, the girl got dressed and put on her shoes.
>
>You also could make this independent by dropping one word as in the following:
>
>She wanted to go.
>
>
>On 5/2/10, BDM <lists at braddunsemusic.com> wrote:
> > Neal,
> >
> > OK gotcha now. I'll make the change thanks.
> >
> > Brad
> >
> > At 06:35 PM 5/2/2010, you wrote:
> >>Brad,
> >>
> >>I think you missed my point about "kid's." Here is the relevant part in
> >>your text:
> >>
> >>"The kid's chatter diminished as even they became aware of the state these
> >>two gents..."
> >>
> >>"Kid's" is the possessive of a single kid; your sentence suggests the
> >>chatter is from more than one kid (..."as even they..."). Thus, I think
> >>you need the possessive of the plural "kids," which is "kids'."
> >>
> >>Neil
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>--------------------------------------------------
> >>From: "BDM" <lists at braddunsemusic.com>
> >>Sent: Sunday, May 02, 2010 4:55 PM
> >>To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> >>Subject: Re: [stylist] Feedback request, General  content: Minneapolis  Bus
> >>
> >>>Neal,
> >>>
> >>>Thanks again. I took your suggestions minus the "kid's" chatter as it is
> >>>the chatter of the kids... as in ownership. I think that would be right
> >>>if it's "Brad's article, Neal's evaluation", "kid's chatter"... is that
> >>> right?
> >>>
> >>>I changed the rest and added a  slight bit, not much. Thanks so much for
> >>>clarifying the punctuation in the quotes thing, I never knew how that
> >>>should have been, now I do. Also I found in my writing lately  there is
> >>>much more flow if one uses "and" sparignly. I could probably do a better
> >>>job here even, but it seems to propell the thought flow if one  rids them
> >>>and changes them to something else as it causes more action.
> >>>
> >>>If interested, I pasted it below with the suggested changes and a couple
> >>>other minor bits . No need to comment just thought to show the changes...
> >>>thanks again.
> >>>
> >>>Having been diagnosed with a retinal disease some years back, I decided
> >>>to counteract the traumatic trick life had played by taking a proactive
> >>>approach. Before I lost usable vision, the ability to perform certain
> >>>tasks without alternative techniques or adaptive technology, I sought out
> >>>an adjustment to blindness training center in Minneapolis Minnesota. This
> >>>training center is called Blindness Learning In New Dimensions or BLIND
> >>>Inc. for short, and was affectionately, yet quite accurately, known as
> >>>the "boot camp for blind folks."
> >>>
> >>>Though apprehensions existed in what life would mean as a blind person, I
> >>>looked forward to the challenge of learning skills that would enable me
> >>>to live life successfully independent.
> >>>
> >>>In order to graduate, a student is required to learn skills such as white
> >>>cane travel, cooking for a large group of people, reading and writing
> >>>Braille, use screen reader technology on the computer, and other daily
> >>>life skills accomplished strictly under blind folds. Finally at the end
> >>>of the training, each student is required to complete what is known as a
> >>>five mile "Graduation Walk." While blindfolded students complete a travel
> >>>and mobility course by following a list of Braille directions instructing
> >>>them to cross noisy intersections, direct them to specific park
> >>>locations, cross bridges, board certain buses and make their way back to
> >>>the training center. Upon successful return, a freedom bell is rung in
> >>>their honor and as if a congratulations button were pressed, peers and
> >>>staff come applauding from classrooms with smiles, hand shakes, and pats
> >>>on the back as they share victory over the test.
> >>>
> >>>The day of my graduation walk turned out to be an unseasonably warm one,
> >>>and about three quarters of the way into my five mile graduation course,
> >>>my legs found great relief on the city transit portion of the test. On
> >>>the surprisingly quiet bus with nothing else to do but listen to the
> >>>engine roar and a buzzing fly next to me crashing its head into the
> >>>window in efforts to escape, my attention was occasionally given to the
> >>>entrance and exit of passengers at the stops.
> >>>
> >>>At one particular stop, my ear picked up on a huge group of young
> >>>elementary kids overtaking the bus, encompassing every available seat,
> >>>leaving the teachers and a few chivalrous passengers standing while they
> >>>held tight to the grab bars. Excited conversation assured me the kids
> >>>were on an early morning field trip.
> >>>
> >>>Sensing unusual activity at the front of the bus after the kids got on, I
> >>>curiously cheated by lifting my blindfold to find two gents were boarding
> >>>rather boisterously. Apparently they were still "having a night out";
> >>>unaware the sun had risen right along with their blood alcohol level. One
> >>>stared down the isle with concentrated beady eyes pulling focus enough to
> >>>find the bus full. Conceding to the empty grab bar in the front of the
> >>>bus, he droopily hugged the pole with both arms like a skinny date  in a
> >>>slow dance. The other fellow cockily swaggered about the bus exploring
> >>>for a seat, using passenger's shoulders like rails in bumper bowling. The
> >>>kid's chatter diminished as even they became aware of the state these two
> >>>gents were in. Mid way down the long isle and recognizing the bus was
> >>>full, the second fellow settled quietly to a staggered stance next to a
> >>>nervous teacher. Both stood quiet, as did the rest of the bus with only
> >>>the roar of the engine and squeak of the brakes for audible entertainment.
> >>>
> >>>Finally breaking the intense silence, the adventurous drunk swung his
> >>>head sideways staring at the teacher, head bobbing from the bumpy
> >>>ride   and alcohol content. With half mast eyes he looked at the teacher
> >>>and said, "Pardon me sir."
> >>>
> >>>The Teacher nervously returned the look replying
> >>>
> >>>"Yes?"
> >>>
> >>>The inebriated man proceeded
> >>>
> >>>"Do you know Jesus Christ?"
> >>>
> >>>Wide eyed and perplexed at the source of the question, the teacher replied
> >>>
> >>>"Why, ah, yes. I do."
> >>>
> >>>The drunken man returned his bobbing head to a forward position slurring
> >>>in apparent amazement.
> >>>
> >>>"Well it sure is a small world isn't it?"
> >>>
> >>>_______________________________________________
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> >>
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> semusic.com
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> >
> > Brad Dunse
> >
> > After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box
> >
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Brad Dunse

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