[stylist] Accessible electric stoves?
PAUL BAVER
pebaver at verizon.net
Tue May 25 10:36:49 UTC 2010
Good morning Donna thank you very much for your very necessary and useful
constructive criticism . There is no doubt that my
grammar/punctuation/sentence structure and understanding of the English
language needs work. I do appreciate your advice and will look into your
recommendations. Thank you very much, Paul E Baver.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, May 24, 2010 7:16 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Accessible electric stoves?
> Hi Paul,
> Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you survived and moved past
> your gang affiliation. I never used a computer until 5 years ago, so I
> understand what a challenge it can be.
>
> I'm concerned about your interest in getting an editor. Yes, there are
> online services which charge to do it, and you might even find a person to
> do it for free or for a nominal fee. Regardless, I hope you will take into
> account what you are giving up in doing so at this point. Learning grammar
> and punctuation isn't that hard. Not doing so will leave you at the mercy
> of others to interpret your meanings, your style and so on. If you
> eventually get a publisher, you will have to submit to an editor's
> influence. Nonetheless, it would be better for you as a writer to have
> taken care of as much of the basics as you can before that point.
>
> Your story itself is compelling, but you are presenting it in a way that
> detracts from the power of it, in my opinion. One thing you do regularly
> is to use long, run-on sentences. Sometimes, you put in commas which can't
> be justified even if one allows for the run-on sentence use. I have
> chosen two sentences that I would like to use to show you a few things.
> I'm sorry I don't have more time to help you; I'm way behind on my
> comments for work submitted on this list, but thought I'd take yours out
> of order, since you're new. I hope you will accept my comments in the
> spirit they are given. Take what you wish from them.
>
> Block quote
> With in milliseconds, I felt that cold bone chilling feeling, return to
> my mind, and became in golfed with fear. As I looked at him
> standing there, pointing that gun, directly at me, franticly I started to
> turn away, my mind raced with uncertainty, and doubt, for my safety.
> Block quote end
>
> First, "Within is one word, not two -- something that should please you,
> since keeping within word count standards is so important not only to
> publishers but to you, if you self publish. Second, your first comma after
> "Within milliseconds," is perfectly appropriate, but the next one is flat
> out wrong grammatically. I assume you mean that you felt the feeling
> return, but in placing a comma after "feeling," you are suggesting that
> the following phrase is somehow separate from the first.
>
> The comma before "and" is not necessary. This sentence has what is called
> a compound predicate. In other words, there's one subject ("I") and two
> verbs (things that are happening) -- you felt something and became
> engulfed in fear. A comma is used to separate compound sentences -- I felt
> a feeling, and I became engulfed in fear. A compound sentence has a
> subject & verb/predicate with a conjunction like "and," "but" or "or"
> followed by another subject and predicate. Both sides of it can stand on
> their own as separate sentences. A comma is not used in a sentence with a
> compound predicate, however. The next sentence similarly has unnecessary
> and confusing commas, especially the ones after "gun" and "uncertainty."
>
> I would also point out the redundancy of saying that you felt a feeling.
> You can drop one or both of these. My personal preference is brevity, so I
> would re write the sentence without either. Also, both "uncertainty and
> doubt have very similar meanings. Since you aren't making a distinction
> about their specific meanings in this instance, I would drop one.
>
> I should point out that generally, in action scenes where the writer is
> conveying a crisis, the rule of thumb is to use shorter sentences with
> fewer descriptive words -- adjectives and adverbs. The nuts and bolts
> convey more emotion and suspense, when the reader is not distracted with
> unnecessary description. For instance, pointing a gun directly at you
> doesn't really convey anything that pointing a gun at you doesn't already
> convey. I am fond of a comment attributed to Mark Twain, the father of the
> American novel and a journalist. He said something to the effect that one
> should write and then go back and remove all adjectives and adverbs. Then,
> re read the piece and put back those which are necessary.
>
> Here is one possible re write, which may or may not express what you have
> in mind.
> "Within milliseconds, I was engulfed in bone-chilling fear. As I watched
> him standing there pointing that gun at me, my mind raced with
> uncertainty. I began to turn away."
>
> My advice would be to check with Recording for the Blind, NLS and/or
> Bookshare for books about grammar. You don't do yourself any favors by
> using expressions like "have wrote" instead of "have written," even in a
> note. These kinds of grammatical mistakes can come in handy when you are
> writing dialog and want to convey the sense that the character is
> uneducated or using street slang deliberately, but I'm afraid the
> prejudice is generally to make the assumption that someone is ignorant.
> Writing is a language art. As such, it is important to master the basics
> of grammar, punctuation and sentence structure. Language with its subtle
> differences in meanings and its many tools for communicating the depths of
> human experience is also beautiful, fascinating and fun. Yes, it's a lot
> of work. I'm writing a novel, and I've re read and edited it dozens of
> times and will continue to do so. It always shocks me when I find
> something that is wrong after re reading it so many times and not
> noticing, but that's what happens.
> You have a lot to offer, and developing your language/writing skills can
> only help you succeed.
> Best,
> Donna -- Read Donna's articles on Suite 101
> http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/donna_hill
>
> Free Download: "Love of My Life"
> http://www.passionsandpossibilities.com/guest-blogger-donna-hill-advocate-for-the-blind/
>
> Read my articles on American Chronicle:
> http://www.americanchronicle.com/authors/view/3885
>
> Follow me on Twitter:
> www.twitter.com/dewhill
>
> Join Me on LinkedIn:
> http://www.linkedin.com/in/dwh99
>
> Or, FaceBook:
> http://www.facebook.com/donna.w.hill.
>
> Hear clips from "The Last Straw" at:
> http://cdbaby.com/cd/donnahill
>
> Apple I-Tunes
>
> phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playListId=259244374
>
> Performing Arts Division of the National Federation of the Blind
> www.padnfb.org
>
>
>
> PAUL BAVER wrote:
>> Hello Donna, my E-mail address is pebaver at verizon.net Donna my interest
>> in writing has only became apparent since I retired in mid (2004) and for
>> the first time in my life learned to use this computer. I am not very
>> good with the many aspects of the computer world, and all of it's
>> magnificent and wonderful things that it can do but I'm trying to learn
>> something new every day. Yes I've lived a very fascinating, and on
>> occasion a very self destructive self serving life with in those days a
>> great deal of anger. I was born with (20-20) vision and managed to
>> destroy it, along with much of my early years on Earth in only a short
>> (15-years. I grew up on a farm, and at the age of (15) managed to become
>> disenfranchised with life, and my family and became a want to be gang
>> member which was very short lived. I belonged to that poor excuse of a
>> gang for a very short three months, when I was shot by one of my own
>> friends. there is a great deal more about my life that I have written
>> about in a book that I wrote , and thus I wrote my true life story that
>> tells all. I lived what I see as a very colorful life, most on the edge
>> and somehow survived. It took about forty years after I was shot to get
>> over myself. I have extensively traveled around the U.S.A. and If you are
>> interested I have wrote about my traviles. I've also adopted my son and
>> that's a book in it's self. My book is finished and my interest in this
>> group is to not only make some new friends, but I'm looking for a person
>> to edit my book. I am mostly self educated, although I did graduate from
>> our local high school (Reading evening high school) I to date am the only
>> blind student that has graduated from there. I'm just not very good with
>> punctuation, or many of the other aspects of laying out chapters along
>> with all of the other aspects of organizing a book, so there's why I need
>> someone to help with editing. I'm attaching a little of my book with this
>> E-mail please let me know what you think, and maybe you can send me in
>> the Wright direction I look forward to hearing from you Paul E Baver.
>> (Blind-Sighted)
>>
>> It would take,
>>
>> 40-+-years, to get over myself.
>>
>> Author P E Baver
>>
>> I heard him running up the steps, I stood and turned towards the bedroom
>> doorway. There he stood, with a blank expression on his face, peering
>> into the room, and at me with that look of total absence of any emotion,
>> I was Stunned; to see him pointing that gun at me, his eyes, and face,
>> had no expression, he just stood there, as though, he was in a trance.
>> With in milliseconds, I felt that cold bone chilling feeling, return to
>> my mind, and became in golfed with fear. As I looked at him standing
>> there, pointing that gun, directly at me, franticly I started to turn
>> away, my mind raced with uncertainty, and doubt, for my safety. Should I
>> look for safety, is he really going to shoot me, or is he just playing
>> with me. Fear and emotion in golfed me, I began feeling like a cornered
>> rat, with my executioner, being held at bay. Turning to find safety,
>> before I could say another word, he pulled the trigger. I lost all
>> control of myself, confused with sudden darkness, and fear, I couldn't
>> understand what just happened. I can't see, I can't see, screaming an
>> expression of terror, and confusion, I can't see, oh my God, I can't
>> see. The bullet struck with so much vengeance, power, and force, that it
>> threw me back, and on to the floor. Oh God you shot me, why!, help me, I
>> screamed over and over again, help me I can't see, I can't see a dam
>> thing, oh my god, I can't see. Dear God, help me, please help me. Then
>> without a word from him, I heard him running towards me, immediately I
>> realized, he wasn't coming to help me, as he tried to force the gun, into
>> my hand, begging me to kill him. Oh God, what was going thru that sick,
>> deranged and angry mind of his, I didn't know just what would happen
>> next, as I refused to take the gun, will he shoot me again, and finish me
>> off. Oh; no, he was trying again to put the gun in my hand, trying to
>> force me to take it, begging me to shoot him, he pleaded, shoot me, kill
>> me. your out of your mind I screamed Oh; God, I can't see what's wrong,
>> what's wrong, please don't shoot again, help me. Please get some help,
>> please, call an ambulance, you shot me, why, why, oh dear God why!.
>> Reaching up to my face, trying to regain some composure, I felt blood
>> draining from my head, as I somewhat sat up, the blood drained on to my
>> hands, and threw my fingers, onto my shirt, and pants, and on to the
>> floor. There was such severe numbness in my head I couldn't feel my face,
>> all I could feel was blood oozing from my face, wet sticky blood
>> draining from my body. As I was franticly Screaming, I heard the front
>> door slam shut, he was gone, he shot me, and left me to die, why, why, I
>> sat there on the floor stunned, and shaking with fear, why, I couldn't
>> stop thinking why!. I can't die like this I thought , I just don't want
>> to die, oh god no. Crawling to the steps, fearing I would fall down them,
>> I turned, and crawled down backwards. I pictured in my mind, On the
>> bottom step, there is that phone sitting there in it's own solitude,
>> waiting for me, was this why; it looked so obviously out of place to me
>> that morning. There's the phone, oh God, there it is, reaching out with
>> blood dripping from my face, I touched it, with my bloody hands, Get
>> help, I kept thinking, help would be at zero on the dial, that was the
>> key for me to get help. There it was, that sound of the siren blaring, it
>> was the most beautiful sound in the whole World. Mister, Mister, oh god,
>> help me, he shot me, he shot me, oh God, he shot me. Help me please
>> Mister, please help me, please help me, I'm afraid to die. I don't want
>> to die, why, I screamed, why!.! Within days I would pray to God, and the
>> Devil himself to take my life, realizing that I would be blind forever,
>> I, didn't want to live blind, or with my heart turned to stone. Although,
>> time did heal me and took from me most all of my daemons, anger, and
>> life's losses.
>>
>> Welcome to my painful, and self imposed destructive journey threw life.
>> This journey is one that I feel privileged, to still be alive to share
>> with anyone. Writing about This was a very difficult process, and
>> reliving all of the pane and memories, are very painful. My life very
>> early on in my youth, would become filled with more demons, and anger,
>> then one child or man should ever have in a lifetime, and still be given
>> the privilege to survive. as I open this door of my life to the World,
>> and expose my deep inner complexities, that envelop my very existence,
>> I'll for the first time in my life, expose those very tragic events, with
>> a great deal of sole searching humility. I'll describe in detail, Some of
>> those deep rooted painful events, that would become the demons that would
>> attach themselves to my very sole. Then I'll try to explain just how
>> difficult it was for me, to crash into not one brick wall, but many of
>> them, yes and unimaginably, of my own free will by my own misguided
>> arrogance for life. As difficult as it was I did fully recover, from
>> those tragedies, and from my self destructive, quest for self defeat.
>> I'll then explain more in detail the difficulties of forgiving myself In
>> my quest, to make peace with myself. I'll make a concerted effort to show
>> the reader just how hard it really was, to forgive myself, and others.
>> This journey would take a lifetime, and many times almost destroyed me,
>> and in many ways did destroy my Mothers life. I've done a lot of sole
>> searching, preparing to write this story, which would include, examining
>> more of those daemons in my life that were haunting me, there are more
>> demons, then I ever thought about facing, or ever wanted to look at. I
>> think the hardest part of writing this true story was, opening up the
>> door of self examination, and to personally admit my short comings. as I
>> do all of the deep and necessary sole searching for a way to dispose of
>> those daemons, there were some issues, that were easy to resolve, and
>> some deep rooted ones, that weren't easy to except, or face. Today I do
>> have all of the peace that any man could expect in his life, and yes I'm
>> very happy these days, I think that this journey allowed me to coin a
>> fraise, I tell most people, when they ask me how I'm doing. I reply
>> with, (if I were doing any better, I'd think I died, and went to
>> heaven". This happiness never would have been possible, if not for many
>> persevering family members, and friends with a great deal of love for me,
>> like my, Mother, Grand Mother, Grand Father, an absolutely perfect friend
>> Dennis G Reiner, and the numerous friends along the way, along with
>> living in the greatest Country in the entire World, I live in America,
>> with freedom of choice, and the privilege to love God.
>>
>> Today is (01-01-2009). Each, and every year, at Christmas, as I have for
>> as long as I can remember, I have received, a Christmas card from a
>> friend, that I have had from the time that I was a school age young man.
>> I grew up in Stone town Pennsylvania, in the Country, the few friendships
>> I managed to acquire, as a small child, living on a farm, were very
>> important to me, because there just weren't a lot of children that were
>> my age, and farm life, was such, that I was usually very involved with
>> farm chores, and loving my Grand parents. Most friendships, began at our
>> country Sunday School, a nondenominational Church, that almost everyone
>> attended most Sundays. At that Sunday School, is where a great deal of my
>> values were found, along with the family values that my Grand parents
>> instilled in me, after Sunday School was over, there was time to make
>> friends, as we would walk home, we'd laugh and joke on the way, like all
>> children do. At that Sunday school was where, friendships were made, some
>> are lasting, and some faded away, like life itself. I will admit also, I
>> didn't find a need for a lot of friends, because in those days, on the
>> farm, I had all of the attention that I needed, and interacting with
>> others, seamed to have a commitment, that I didn't understand, or need.
>> This particular friendship, has always been a very special one to me,
>> because my friend Ruth Waldman Opperman, hasn't ever to this day,
>> forgotten her friend Paul, her concern, and friendship, has given me
>> inspiration, and hope, so many times, over the years. This year she
>> suggested to me, that I should write about my life, knowing Ruth as I do,
>> I feel that her sincerity, and encouragement, has inspired me in the
>> past, and still does, I value her opinion, as I do my friend Denny's. As
>> her card was read to me, I thought, why not?, yes!, why not?. Along with
>> Ruth's encouragement, There is that great man, Dennis G Reiner, who has
>> also been more then just a friend, he's been like a brother to me, for
>> now (43 plus years), who has also encouraged, and inspired me to write
>> about my life, a lot over the years. So here I am giving it a shot, just
>> where this writing will go I have no idea, but if a true friend is
>> interested in hearing about my life in detail, then just maybe you the
>> reader of this real life tragedy, and success, will also enjoy my story.
>>
>> 49-years and 17 days ago, my life was changed forever, I may never have
>> all of my answers I ask for, but I'm trying, to find the balance of a
>> peace with in myself. I'm not sure, just how this will all play out. It
>> seams the more questions I get answered, the more questions I have that
>> need answers. The more answers I get the more questions I have, and the
>> less I understand. I have a long time ago, resolved in my mind one fact
>> of life. Some questions pertaining to my life should never be; asked.,
>> because if, I were to ask those questions, I may hear some things that
>> I'm not ready to hear, or asking those questions, may open the door to
>> many, many, more questions, that I may not want to hear the answers to.
>> Thus I will never get them answered. I work very hard at remembering a
>> lesson, I learned a very long time ago, (every action, has a reaction,
>> every misguided deed, has a consequence).
>>
>> In my quest for answers to the questions, that I want answers to, I'll do
>> my very best, to give answers truthfully, and as detailed as possible.
>> there will be exceptions pertaining to some of the questions, that you
>> the reader may ask. I don't think that I need to know anymore of those
>> things, that may bring anymore pane into my life, so I have no answers to
>> those questions, Nor do I want to ask them. I truly feel, at this point
>> in my life, I have no desire, to know anymore answers, to anymore
>> questions that will only cloud my ability to move on, anymore then it
>> already has. I'll leave those answers up to you the reader to answer, in
>> what ever way the reader demes appropriate. The next quote, is one that I
>> wish I would have learned many years ago, the three R's, in this quote,
>> are the foundation, that we all can build our lives on.
>>
>> "Remember the three R's:
>>
>> Respect for yourself;
>>
>> Respect for others;
>>
>> take Responsibility for all of your actions".
>>
>> Personally I've found a great deal of peace in that quote, and use it as
>> my foundation for Daly life.
>>
>>
>>
>> ( Was I an Accident looking for a place to happen)
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
>> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Saturday, May 22, 2010 9:21 PM
>> Subject: Re: [stylist] Accessible electric stoves?
>>
>>
>>> Hi Paul,
>>> Welcome to Stylist, and thanks so much for your insight about ranges.
>>> Sounds like you've had a fascinating career. I've passed your comments
>>> on to my friend.
>>>
>>> What is your interest in writing? I am a retired singer-songwriter, now
>>> writing nonfiction articles for the online magazines Suite 101 and
>>> American Chronicle. I'm also finishing up my first novel, a fantasy
>>> called "The Heart of Applebutter Hill."
>>>
>>> Hope to hear more from you. BTW, your e-mail address doesn't show up on
>>> my copy of your post on this list, so I couldn't honor your request to
>>> pass it on. I know some lists show member's e-mails, but I don't think
>>> Stylist ever has.
>>> Donna
>>>
>>> Donna's articles on Suite 101:
>>> http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/donna_hill
>>>
>>> Free Download: "Love of My Life"
>>> http://www.passionsandpossibilities.com/guest-blogger-donna-hill-advocate-for-the-blind/
>>>
>>> Read my articles on American Chronicle:
>>> http://www.americanchronicle.com/authors/view/3885
>>>
>>> Follow me on Twitter:
>>> www.twitter.com/dewhill
>>>
>>> Join Me on LinkedIn:
>>> http://www.linkedin.com/in/dwh99
>>>
>>> Or, FaceBook:
>>> http://www.facebook.com/donna.w.hill.
>>>
>>> Hear clips from "The Last Straw" at:
>>> http://cdbaby.com/cd/donnahill
>>>
>>> Apple I-Tunes
>>>
>>> phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playListId=259244374
>>>
>>> Performing Arts Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>>> www.padnfb.org
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> PAUL BAVER wrote:
>>>> Hello Donna, I've just joined the stylist group, I'm a retired food
>>>> service/Caterer /restaurateur , and am totally blind I just purchased a
>>>> Whirlpool Glass top stove, with knobs to turn off and on the burners,
>>>> I've found that this model, and many of the glass tops, have a slightly
>>>> razed area where the burners are located I can usually find the correct
>>>> spot to place my pot, before I turn the burner on. The oven controls
>>>> are still touch panel buttons, but are made in such a way that the only
>>>> thing I haven't concord is changing the temperature , although I really
>>>> don't change the temperature very often because I cook at (350-) and
>>>> rarely change that setting. I had a (L.G.) glass top that I didn't like
>>>> at all, it was my first experience with a glass top stove, and it was
>>>> very difficult to use, a small bit of advice only use the recommended
>>>> cleaner on the glass top, and never use any abrasive metal scrubbers. I
>>>> hope this helps your friend, you can give her my E-mail address for
>>>> more info. Paul E Baver
>>>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
>>>> To: <nfbp-talk at yahoogroups.com>; "Writer's Division Mailing List"
>>>> <stylist at nfbnet.org>; "Performing Arts Division list"
>>>> <perform-talk at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Sent: Friday, May 21, 2010 11:37 AM
>>>> Subject: [stylist] Accessible electric stoves?
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> Hi Friends,
>>>>> I have a friend in South Carolina who has lost enough vision that she
>>>>> can't use the touch-screen pads on the new electric ranges. Her stove
>>>>> needs replacing, and I wonder if any of you have any information about
>>>>> something that would work for her. I use electric as well, but our
>>>>> stove is older, and fortunately not having any problems.
>>>>>
>>>>> Any info on or off list would be appreciated.
>>>>> Thanks much,
>>>>> Donna Hill
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> --
>>>>> Donna's articles on Suite 101:
>>>>> http://www.suite101.com/profile.cfm/donna_hill
>>>>>
>>>>> Free Download: "Love of My Life"
>>>>> http://www.passionsandpossibilities.com/guest-blogger-donna-hill-advocate-for-the-blind/
>>>>>
>>>>> Read my articles on American Chronicle:
>>>>> http://www.americanchronicle.com/authors/view/3885
>>>>>
>>>>> Follow me on Twitter:
>>>>> www.twitter.com/dewhill
>>>>>
>>>>> Join Me on LinkedIn:
>>>>> http://www.linkedin.com/in/dwh99
>>>>>
>>>>> Or, FaceBook:
>>>>> http://www.facebook.com/donna.w.hill.
>>>>>
>>>>> Hear clips from "The Last Straw" at:
>>>>> http://cdbaby.com/cd/donnahill
>>>>>
>>>>> Apple I-Tunes
>>>>>
>>>>> phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playListId=259244374
>>>>>
>>>>> Performing Arts Division of the National Federation of the Blind
>>>>> www.padnfb.org
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> =======
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>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> Writers Division web site:
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>>>>> <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>>
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>>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>> <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>>>
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>>> _______________________________________________
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>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
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>> <http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>>
>> stylist mailing list
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