[stylist] Punctuation question

[Priscilla McKinley]

While the commas are placed correctly and the sentence is
grammatically correct, it is very wordy.  Why not be to the point and
write:

Being a contributing member of (name of organization), which is
effecting all of humanity for the better, has impacted my life.

Or even better:

My life has changed by being a member of (name of organization), which
is (be specific in the ways the organization is changing humanity, as
that is too broad).

JMO,

Priscilla




On 5/25/10, Donna Hill <penatwork at epix.net> wrote:
> Hi Angela,
> I would use dashes, and according to Lori's comments on Paul's work,
> that should be correct since the phrase is in the middle of the sentence.
> Donna
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> Angela Fowler wrote:
>> Hey guys, is this sentence punctuated correctly?
>>
>> "We will see that belonging to an organization, being a contributing
>> member
>> of something which is effecting all of humanity for the better, has had a
>> tremendous impact on my life."
>>
>>
>>
>> I'm wondering if the commas should be replaced with something else?
>>
>> thanks
>>
>> Angela
>>
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