[stylist] Punctuation question

[Angela Fowler]

Thank you guys. I have reworked it as follows:

We will see the tremendous positive impact which being a contributing member
of something which is affecting all of humanity for the better has had on my
life.  



-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Priscilla McKinley
Sent: Tuesday, May 25, 2010 7:29 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Punctuation question

While the commas are placed correctly and the sentence is grammatically
correct, it is very wordy.  Why not be to the point and
write:

Being a contributing member of (name of organization), which is effecting
all of humanity for the better, has impacted my life.

Or even better:

My life has changed by being a member of (name of organization), which is
(be specific in the ways the organization is changing humanity, as that is
too broad).

JMO,

Priscilla




On 5/25/10, Donna Hill <penatwork at epix.net> wrote:
> Hi Angela,
> I would use dashes, and according to Lori's comments on Paul's work, 
> that should be correct since the phrase is in the middle of the sentence.
> Donna
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> Angela Fowler wrote:
>> Hey guys, is this sentence punctuated correctly?
>>
>> "We will see that belonging to an organization, being a contributing 
>> member of something which is effecting all of humanity for the 
>> better, has had a tremendous impact on my life."
>>
>>
>>
>> I'm wondering if the commas should be replaced with something else?
>>
>> thanks
>>
>> Angela
>>
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