[stylist] Short story: warrior

[Joe Orozco]

Danielle,

Excellent writing for an eleven-year-old.  It seems you sent us a portion of
the story?  I would give some more information about the girl, perhaps more
clues about why she was on the battlefield and at least a hint of what she
might've been looking for.  I think she may've been looking for her father,
given how the story ended, but the guy picking her up seems like a random
act until we discover later that he's in fact her father.  The setting leads
me to believe we're talking about an earlier time given the choice of horses
and weapons.  Finally, the reason I asked if this might be a portion is
because of the epilogue.  Is this perhaps a novel you started?  Great job so
far.  Keep it up.

Best,

Joe

"Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves,
some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all."--Sam Ewing 

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org 
[mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Danielle Montour
Sent: Sunday, October 10, 2010 8:53 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: [stylist] Short story: warrior

Hi,
I wrote this story two years ago when I was 11, and I want to 
improve it.  I still want to keep it a short story, I just want 
to make it better.  Could anyone help me with this? Also, if I'm 
not supposed to send attachments to this list, I'm sorry.  I 
never heard I couldn't, so I'm assuming that it's ok.

Danielle