[stylist] synopsis

[Chris Kuell]

Judith,

I think the length and detail in your synopsis are just what an 
agent/editor/publisher is looking for, but your writing is clunky at times. 
For example:

As Randy long suspected, her question about her identity that only was used 
by bigoted classmates to identify her as a Jew was the basis Jennifer 
couldn't become emotionally involved with anyone.
- I had to read this sentence 3 times to figure out what you are trying to 
say. Write clearly and succinctly. Something like - As Randy suspected, 
Jennifer was incapable of   a meaningful relationship. Her peers referred to 
her as 'the Jew' and made her question her own identity.

In spite of the fact that her mother is dying, Pessi continues to treat her 
like a mother and argue about seemingly little things that all girls 
disagree with their mother on.
- this is very clunky, and uses far too many words. Consider - Despite her 
diagnosis, Pessi continued to contradict and argue with her mother.

And so on. Think clear and concise.

Good luck,

chris