[stylist] my christmas story

[vejas]

This wasn't my actual story.  It's made up.  I'm not that bad; 
I've been on the honor roll a lot.
Did you actually think it was real?


 ----- Original Message -----
From: "Ashley Bramlett" <bookwormahb at earthlink.net
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Thu, 8 Dec 2011 22:34:35 -0500
Subject: Re: [stylist] my christmas story

Vejas,
It was short but too long for the email; over 1000 words.

Nice story.  You write like I do with my personal stories.  I 
just start at
the beginning of day and walk the reader through the day's 
events.
You sure went through a lot with those grades.

I think your weak point is the ending.  I just thought it ended 
abruptly.  It
could have been much longer, but I know you were just writing for 
the list
and practice.  I think when you have a few spare moments, write 
two or three
paragraphs more.  Tell us why Christmas day was so great.  You 
said your
mother made a good breakfast.  Describe that, like the aroma, how 
your
siblings liked it, etc.  Then to conclude you said you liked your 
presents.
No wonder.  They sounded good for a teenage boy! Tell us a little 
more about
the presents.  You could say what thoughts went through your head 
as you
opened the presents.  Were you surprised? What was your favorite 
of the seven
Cds?

The last part as you tell us you loved Christmas morning and 
getting your
presents sounded a bit rushed.  Just adding description and 
dialogue will
make it a better story and lead up to the conclusion which is you 
telling us
you got these wonderful gifts.

Ashley
-----Original Message-----
From: vejas
Sent: Thursday, December 08, 2011 9:44 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org ; Joey Ellis ; Daina Banzelite ; Ruta 
Banzelite ;
Ryan Patel
Subject: [stylist] my christmas story

  Hi,
To Stylist members, I am sending this to my two friends and twin
cousins as well, in case you were wondering about the extra
contacts.
This story is not about the worst Christmas season either.  Or
the best.
It's about both.  At first I was going to do just the worst, but
I thought worst AND best would be the perfect creation.

Please, feel free to comment upon this.  It's short, but I hope
you'll enjoy it anyway.
I've attached it in Microsoft word in adition to pasting it here
in the document.
Oops-I think my story's too long for the e-mail.  Bridgit, since
you can't read attachments, I'll try sening a copy for you.
Actually, let me try one more time.
Oops-it won't take it.  I'll send your copy now.
Vejas






_______________________________________________
Writers Division web site:
http://www.nfb-writers-division.net 
<http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/

stylist mailing list
stylist at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info 
for
stylist:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/bookwormahb%
40earthlink.net


_______________________________________________
Writers Division web site:
http://www.nfb-writers-division.net 
<http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/

stylist mailing list
stylist at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info 
for stylist:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/brlsurfer%40
gmail.com