[stylist] Vejas - christmas story
Chris Kuell
ckuell at comcast.net
Fri Dec 9 13:27:04 UTC 2011
Hi Vejas,
I enjoyed your story very much, especially the part where your math teacher
was your Aunt's new fiancee. I don't know where you live that you could go
skiing before school--but I'd like to move there!
A few comments for you to consider:
1. I think it sounds better to say a run-down of your day rather than a
run-up. Perhaps that's just the difference from where you live and where I
live, though.
2.You wrote - When I got to my desk, he handed me a 0 percent math test.-
This reads clunky to me, since 0% is used like an adjective, when it's a
score. Perhaps this would be better - He handed me a math test. On the top,
in bright red pen was written 0%. It was underlined 3 times, just to be sure
I understood. - or something like that.
Keep up the good work.
chris
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