[stylist] show don't tell

[Chris Kuell]

Eve (and anyone else interested) -

Show, don't tell, is the number one rule for fiction writers. The best way 
to illustrate it is through example:

Garey ate breakfast, then he took a shower and went to the store. At the 
store he met a girl and they talked for a long time. Garey liked her but she 
blew him off. Then he went home.

Tells you a lot about Garey, huh? Okay -- so this example is really 
exaggerated, but it hits home the necessity of showing and not telling. What 
can we do to fix it? We need more detail, especially dialogue and action. 
Consider:

Garey studied the frozen dinners. He'd had turkey for the last four days, so 
salisbury steak would be good for a change. But did he want the Big Man's or 
the regular?

A scent teased his nose. Not the overwhelming smell of fish and frostbite, 
but a fresh smell, like skin just out of the shower. He glanced sideways and 
saw the most perfect arm he'd ever seen in his life. Long, slender, 
graceful, full of sinewy muscle and smooth skin. His eyes followed the arm 
to the shoulder and then the head. Her head. A head covered with long blond 
hair and containing a face that made his heart stop.

"Hi," she said, her voice rich and melodious.

Garey's mouth didn't work. He tried to return her greeting, but only a grunt 
came out. He tried to smile politely, but his face erupted with a grin as 
large and toothy and goofy as a cartoon character's . . .

See the difference? We need details. We need to know thoughts and  feelings. 
We need to smell the perfume, taste the wine, feel the cashmere. Anything 
less cheats the reader from experiencing your imaginary world.


chris