[stylist] Tattered Remains of Christmas

[Chris Kuell]

Bridgit,

I think Eve and I have to bow down before you and hand over the 
bummer-Christmas-story crown. You are our Queen!

Seriously, this was an emotionally charged story that packs a powerful 
punch, if you'll pardon the expression. Your use of imagery and emotion is 
incredible--there's definitely a poet living inside you. I loved the colored 
broken   pieces of glass, the silence pushing against the walls, and 
especially the Christmas tree broken and bent like a homeless man--very 
powerful stuff. It's not a happy story, but it's going to stick with me all 
day, which is the sign of a good story. After all, as writers we want to 
make people feel something.

As for editorial suggestions, I have a few. Firstly, as I was reading in the 
beginning I assumed the narrator was a woman. Maybe this is because you are, 
or the word choices made me feel that way, but I was a little surprised to 
find out the narrator was the husband. One suggestion might be to add 
something--my big hands, my size elevens crunching on the broken ornament, 
blood running into the stubble on my face--something earlier on to clue the 
reader in.

My second suggestion would be to do some trimming. Your many turns of phrase 
are excellent, it's not that, but as readers, we get it. I'm probably overly 
sparse in my writing, and in this sample I think you're a little bit heavy. 
Over-writing is something writers sometime fall into when they are uncertain 
if the reader really feels what the writer wants them to feel. You achieved 
the emotional impact, and I think you could cut a little and the piece might 
even hit harder.

My final thought is--if you did this in between baby-sitting and baking and 
general holiday preparations, imagine what you could do if you sat down and 
devoted your full attention to it!

Great job, and thanks for sharing.

chris