[stylist] critique this story please if you have time
Jacobson, Shawn D
Shawn.D.Jacobson at hud.gov
Tue Nov 29 12:39:37 UTC 2011
I did kind of get that impression.
Shawn
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of vejas
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 8:49 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] critique this story please if you have time
You mean the parents were wooden like robotic in a way?
Vejas
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jacobson, Shawn D" <Shawn.D.Jacobson at hud.gov
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List' <stylist at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Mon, 28 Nov 2011 14:46:32 -0500
Subject: Re: [stylist] critique this story please if you have
time
Vejas
Fun story, I love how you imagined the whole Santa Clause story
and extended it. I never thought of the Grand Hotel being
100,000 feet underground or of Santa's sleigh going to Mars.
It's cool to have the decendants of Scrooge hanging out with
Santa's children.
I think my only problem was that the story bogged down for me
with the repetition of names. Also, I thought the Pontus parents
were a bit wooden at time.
Never the less, a good job.
Shawn
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org
[mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of vejas
Sent: Sunday, November 27, 2011 12:31 AM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org; writers-chat at nfbnet.org
Subject: [stylist] critique this story please if you have time
Hi,
For all you writers-chat folks, I think I said I liked writing
for teens, but this story is an acception. It's supposed to be
somewhat based on the "It's Beginning to Look a Lot like
Christmas" song (meaning you'll find a lot of reference to it in
this story.) Enjoy.
Thanks anybody who is willing to look this through real quick.
Vejas
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