[stylist] critique this story please if you have time

[Jacobson, Shawn D]

I did kind of get that impression.

Shawn

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of vejas
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 8:49 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] critique this story please if you have time

You mean the parents were wooden like robotic in a way?
Vejas


 ----- Original Message -----
From: "Jacobson, Shawn D" <Shawn.D.Jacobson at hud.gov
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List' <stylist at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Mon, 28 Nov 2011 14:46:32 -0500
Subject: Re: [stylist] critique this story please if you have 
time

Vejas

Fun story, I love how you imagined the whole Santa Clause story 
and extended it.  I never thought of the Grand Hotel being 
100,000 feet underground or of Santa's sleigh going to Mars.  
It's cool to have the decendants of Scrooge hanging out with 
Santa's children.

I think my only problem was that the story bogged down for me 
with the repetition of names.  Also, I thought the Pontus parents 
were a bit wooden at time.

Never the less, a good job.

Shawn

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org 
[mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of vejas
Sent: Sunday, November 27, 2011 12:31 AM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org; writers-chat at nfbnet.org
Subject: [stylist] critique this story please if you have time

Hi,
For all you writers-chat folks, I think I said I liked writing 
for teens, but this story is an acception.  It's supposed to be 
somewhat based on the "It's Beginning to Look a Lot like 
Christmas" song (meaning you'll find a lot of reference to it in 
this story.) Enjoy.
Thanks anybody who is willing to look this through real quick.
Vejas

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