[stylist] The Dark rewrite 1

Mon Oct 24 00:50:05 UTC 2011

Hadley School has a course on punctuation which oddly enough, the 
assignment I'm on deals with it :). For instance...  "How do you do 
quotes?" asked Eve. Or Brad said, "Eve from the Stylist discussion 
group had asked, 'How do you do quotes?'" Anyway it is a very good 
basic course.

Brad

On 10/23/2011  05:43 PM Eve Sanchez said...
>Hi, you said something about quotes that is making me ask a question that
>will probably make me look like a total fool. How do you do quotes? I have
>read them for many years and now that I cannot look at the written page dang
>if I can remember what they look like. What I am thinking is quotation,
>text, quotation, comma, she/he said. Is there a good source for learning the
>proper way to punctuate these things that is accessable? Would love your
>input here. Thanks, Eve
>
>On Wed, Oct 12, 2011 at 4:36 PM, Brenda <bjnite at windstream.net> wrote:
>
> > HiAshley
> >
> > Thank you for the quick response.  I like it better too and I imagine by
> > the time it is done it will be even better.
> >
> > Still can't figure out why there are no spaces after periods.  I do acut
> > and paste and all looks fine before I send it.  There's got to be a setting
> > somewhere but I have no idea what it might be.
> >
> > Brenda
> >
> >
> >
> > On 10/12/2011 4:52 PM, Ashley Bramlett wrote:
> >
> >> Brenda,
> >> Nice descriptions. I like this version better. It captures the seen of the
> >> room better.
> >> Ashley
> >>
> >> -----Original Message----- From: Brenda
> >> Sent: Wednesday, October 12, 2011 4:22 PM
> >> To: Writer's Division Mailing List
> >> Subject: [stylist] The Dark rewrite 1
> >>
> >> Thanks to everyone who gave me input on my project.    I reworked the
> >> piece based on your comments. I probably missed a few of your
> >> suggestions, but I wasn't deliberately ignoring them, there was just a
> >> lot of flipping between emails and documents. I probably did not do
> >> quotes correctly yet, but I can focus on that more in the future.
> >> Hopefully this time the spaces after periods will show up.
> >>
> >> The Dark
> >>
> >> The recipe almost blew out of my hand as I ran into the house to show
> >> off my very first cooking project for Home Economics.My mother took the
> >> wrinkled paper, studied it and remarked "you probably won't like Rosy
> >> apples."Snatching the recipe I stomped to my bedroom and slammed the
> >> door.At thirteen I could not remember a time when my mother had not
> >> decided how I felt or what I liked.It all started when I was a toddler
> >> and my mother decided I was not afraid of the dark.
> >>
> >> As a baby I could barely see the sunlight.Several surgeries brought
> >> lights, colors and shapes into view by age two, but my world was still a
> >> collage of sights and sounds.During the day I played with my older
> >> brother outside in the bright sunlight.On rainy days we stayed indoors
> >> where the sound of my mother cleaning the house or my baby brother
> >> crying filled the air.When I heard "Time for lunch" or the honk of a car
> >> horn I knew the shadowy figures in the room were my parents.My waking
> >> world was filled with sights and sounds that guided me through the
> >> fog.No monster would dare lurk in this bustling household.
> >>
> >> At night my world was a dark, dreary place.My two brothers and I were
> >> crammed into one small bedroom in our two-bedroom home.The silence was
> >> only broken by the noise of the monster lurking somewhere.My brothers
> >> were asleep in their beds, and I didn't know where my parents
> >> were.Something had to be done before the monster came and got
> >> me.Creeping to the bedroom door, I saw the glowing lamplight but only
> >> heard a muffled hum."Oh no, the monster is here" I concluded.
> >>
> >> Slamming the door shut I ran back to my bed and pulled the covers over
> >> my head."Hey, open the door" shrieked my older brother when he awoke to
> >> a dark room with no beam of light to comfort him. "Quiet down in there"
> >> yelled my dad without moving from his chair.Thump, thump, thump sounded
> >> on the basement stairs as mom came to see what the commotion was
> >> about.Instead of yelling at me for upsetting my brother and not going to
> >> sleep, my mother opened our bedroom door and remarked to my father
> >> "She's not afraid of the dark because she can't see."
> >>
> >> "The monster can't get me with my mom and dad so close" I decided and
> >> fell asleep before my fear returned.
> >>
> >> This story was told all through my childhood as proof that I was not
> >> afraid of the dark.It would do no good to explain the terror I felt
> >> inside.Just once, I wish my mother had been right.
> >>
> >>
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> >> >
> >>
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Brad Dunse

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