[stylist] New submission untitled

[Bernadetta Pracon]

Hi everyone,
Once again, thank you very much to those of you who have commented on 
my piece. I've been thinking of ways to revise it for some time now, 
and thanks to you all, I have more to go on when I take up the task of 
improving it. Most of all, I am happy that those of you who commented 
seemed to be moved by this piece. My ultimate goal with every piece I 
write is to get my readers to feel. They could feel elation, 
excitement, disgust, discomfort, outrage--anything, as long as the 
particular piece evokes some sort of emotion. That, in my book, makes 
the piece worthy of my further attention.
Barbara, thanks for reminding me about labeling a piece as explicit if 
it's content is filled with strong language, etc. I did mean to include 
a note about that when I submitted this piece, but I forgot--I only 
realized I hadn't done so after sending it. I'll keep that in mind for 
any other submissions though.
Chris, thanks so much for taking the time to provide me with examples 
of the kind of internal dialogue you think I should ad. Your idea of 
changing the POV to that of either of the parents is interesting. When 
I wrote this piece, the way I envisioned it was through a camera lens, 
if you all know what I mean. I meant for it to show what was 
happening--I meant for the reader to be a spectator of the sceen, 
because for some reason it resonated more with me for this particular 
piece, rather than narration. I will challenge myself though, and try 
to write this piece over twice, once in each parent's POV. I'm going to 
do that as an exercise and see where I end up. Personally, though, like 
Bridget, I don't think that this piece would benefit much from a lot of 
internal dialogue. I do tend to think it can bog down a story. I've 
been turned off of reading more than a few books because the author 
used too much ID for my liking. As a reader, I am a fan of being free 
to decipher the characters' emotions myself, through the context of the 
story, through it's actions and dialogue. So perhaps the stylistic 
preference for this piece was influenced by the reader in me. As I said 
though, I will try writing it from different viewpoints, just to see 
what happens to the story, how it can change.
Bridget, I will try to ad more scenery to develop and expand this piece 
as you suggested. It's funny you should mention the idea of writing the 
last part in the waitress's POV--It actually crossed my mind as I was 
finishing it, but I never quite figured out how to transition into that 
smoothly enough. Perhaps that's also something I will try.
I just came up with an interesting idea--What do you all think of me 
trying to write the piece from the POV of the little girl? I think that 
might make it really interesting in some ways, but I'm afraid it might 
weaken the piece in general. Maybe I'll try that too, though.
Vejas, your comments made me think of what I'd do if I were to use this 
piece as part of a longer story or a novel. Perhaps this could be a 
neat little prologue--I'll have to see if I could come up with a strong 
enough premise for a novel or a novela. For me, if I were reading it, 
it would have to evolve into something a lot more interesting than just 
a harsh mom abandoning a child and making the man into a single dad.
Once again, thank you all very much. It's a pleasure sharing my work with you.

Sincerely,

Bernadetta P

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