[stylist] please tell me if this is a good poem

[loristay at aol.com]

I haven't read other comments so please excuse me if this is a repeat:
For the line "A life you would not have enjoyed"

I might put, "A life you would not enjoy."



A good effort, Vejas.


Lori


-----Original Message-----
From: vejas <brlsurfer at gmail.com>
To: stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Mon, Apr 23, 2012 7:19 pm
Subject: [stylist] please jell me if this is a good poem


Hi,
For school I have to write a Shakesperian sonnet.  Our teacher 
said we didn't have to do it in iambic pentameter, but that we 
had to have the rhyming in an about-about-could-could-ef-ef-gg 
fashion.
I wrote this poem and it's supposed to be about a mother lecting 
her son.  But I think it sort of drifts.  Please tell me your 
opinion.

Why didn't you do the many chores,
That you were supposed to do last night?
I've told you, for quite a few scores,
That you just have to fix the light.
Your laziness is such a curse...
Do you realize what you could've had?

Yes, it could have been much worse,
If it weren't for me and your dad.
Why, yes, you were adopted out,
When you were just a little boy,
But really it was, without a doubt,
A life you would not have enjoyed.
Just know I want the best,
Now go to sleep and rest.
Thanks for comments.
Vejas

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