[stylist] Comments on external description exercise

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Chris,

Thanks. You followed the exercise just fine, and it was quite good. I
typically don't include name brands into my descriptions unless it
serves a purpose, which for this it did. I wanted to show a scene where
life's luxuries were important to the people along with contrasting how
my main character looked compared to her oblivious attitude with what
was around her. Depending on the story and intention, sometimes using a
brand can be more descriptive than just saying an expensive shirt. In
particular, this scene was meant to display the wealth of a modern
setting. I didn't want to just state these people had money and image
was crucial to them, but I wanted to detail it with specific examples.

I see your point though, and I wouldn't necessarily recommend using
brands for a description unless it's very intentional and serves a
purpose.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 7
Date: Mon, 30 Apr 2012 08:23:32 -0400
From: "Chris Kuell" <ckuell at comcast.net>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] Comments on external description exercise
Message-ID: <7B6FDDC70D7B457987CA9CEB9EB7BC21 at ChrisPC>
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	reply-type=original

Thanks for the comments, Bridgit and Andi. If I were grading myself, I'd

have to give myself a C, since I didn't exactly follow the instructions.
I 
enjoyed both of your exercises as well.
Andi, you did a nice job placing us in a city scene. Lots of hustle and 
bustle.
Bridgit, you drew us an intriguing picture of a young lady with lots of 
bucks. I know the exercise was to use descriptive words, and this you
did. 
It's probably just my personal preference, but I don't really care for 
brand-name dropping. One or two is fine, but I prefer to hear that he
wore a 
gold watch with diamonds instead of numbers rather than he wore an
expensive 
Rolex.
Shawn, your exercise was brief but well written.
Barbara, I enjoyed your exercise response as well. You set it up with
the 
first line and then delivered. If I were to offer some advice, which
I'll do 
since it seems you genuinely want to improve your writing, it would be
to 
add some specific details to your scene. The crack of a bat hitting a 
baseball. Girls chanting, "...sitting in a tree, K I S S I N G..."A
teacher 
off in one corner of the playground, chatting with her fiancee on the
phone. 
Cerulean sky was very nice--made me look up my first word of the week!

chris