[stylist] king peeley and the integra tea: writing suggestion

Tue Jan 17 15:29:59 UTC 2012

Vejas 

Do you recall some earlier posts by Chris and Bridgit (and a few other
folks), in which they advised that to make a story be more alive, the author
has to make the characters show us, tell us by their actions? Versus the
author spending time telling us what the characters are doing and why. You
have a good story-line here, but dude --- you get in the way of your people
coming alive and showing us who they are and what they can do! Like WOW, you
get on to this little tweak, and you'll get people knocking down your door
to get the next installment. 

(Ask Chris and/or Bridgit direct for a copy of what they wrote on the list.)

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of vejas
Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 12:16 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] king peeley and the integra tea (changes prompt)

Hey Robert,
Maybe it's that it summarizes more what happens to the characters than
actually making the characters come alive as much as it should? Like, there
isn't much interaction between Queen Amina and her children, it more just
summarizes what's happened with them.
I guess?

 By the way, I got an 85-not my best-on the folk-tale.  There was stuff like
clothes which I wouldn't have normally put but had to put for the
requirements.  I'm thinking I may have done better if it had been my English
teacher.  That's what makes me weird.  
There's a camel diary thing I had to do in seventh grade also, and I was so
entranced in the characters and writing it that I forgot to put in the
beginning about the camel's features that is has a hump, which is, like so
basic.  I can send it here if you're interested, but you may need to keep
track of NAMES.  (one of my main weaknesses)
----- Original Message -----
From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org Date sent: Mon,
16 Jan 2012 20:38:16 -0500
Subject: Re: [stylist] king peeley and the integra tea (changes
prompt)

Hey Vejas,
Donna Hill here.  There is a lot of literature from a long time ago that is
as realistic as anything written nowadays.  People are pretty much the same
throughout the ages.  They may have different things in their environments,
but the basic human emotions and struggles are constant throughout history.
Whether it's the Bible, Homer's Iliad and Odyssey, the Old English poem
Beowulf or the Dickens and Twain novels of the 19th century, something
always rings true for modern readers.  I guess this is my way of saying that
I think you should give Robert's question another think, and don't use the
setting of your story as an excuse.
Donna

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org
[mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of vejas
Sent: Monday, January 16, 2012 6:22 PM
To: newmanrl at cox.net; Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] king peeley and the integra tea (changes
prompt)

I guess cuz it takes place a long time ago, the characters may not be as
realistic?
Vchjas

 ----- Original Message -----
From: "Robert Leslie Newman" <newmanrl at cox.net
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org Date sent: Mon,
16 Jan 2012 16:26:53 -0600
Subject: Re: [stylist] king peeley and the integra tea (changes
prompt)

Young mister V
RE: a challenge

You are a very creative thinker.  Your story about king  Peeley is a story
more about a story, rather then a story that happens in real time with
characters moving, breathing and doing what you say they did.
What do you
think I mean? (I'm one of your biggest fans)

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org
[mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of vejas
Sent: Saturday, January 14, 2012 9:58 AM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org; bpollpeter at hotmail.com
Subject: [stylist] king peeley and the integra tea (changes
prompt)

This story has to do more with personality change.  Since I have lots going
on, I don't have time to make a new one.  I wrote this in seventh grade for
social studies and expanded upon it.
Suggestions for changes to the writing are more than welcome.
Vejas
PS I think my personality change might be a bit unrealistic.
Bridgit, feel free to comment to the list.

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