[stylist] song submissions

[Brad Dunsé]

Vejas,

I looked at one of these, the runaway one.

There are several things that come to mind 
looking at your lyric, but let's start with form. 
Songs, though they’ve had many form structures 
over the years, have settled today to:

• Verse-chorus

• Verse-chorus with a bridge

• Verse-verse-verse

• Verse-verse-bridge-verse.

In any song with a chorus, the title is in it, 
often times twice or more but at least once.

One thing to watch out for in rhyme is forced rhyme. Stuff like:

I stand here at the flag
My feet feel like slag

Slag has nothing to do with it and stands out, 
unless it is validated later in the song somehow.

I’d suggest to organize your thoughts in a VCVC 
format, putting the title in the chorus, of 
course you’ll have to write a chorus. Writing a 
dad song from a 15-year olds perspective might be 
kind of hard to have a believable perspective. 
For instance, if my little girl ran away? I’d be 
searching the neighborhood, calling friends to 
look, and if possible calling the authorities :).

There is tons of songwriting stuff on the net, 
including my quick tips on Muses Muse. The last 
one is below and you can look for archived ones as well.

http://www.musesmuse.com/15.0-March2012.html#FeaturedArticle

Hope that helps.

Brad





On 3/5/2012  07:51 PM vejas said...
>Hi,
>Speaking of songs, I'm actually an ammature 
>songwriter.  Attached are 2 (of 4) that I wrote.
>The first one, "Star Light Star Bright", really 
>does exist, but it's short, so I added a story 
>to it, in which somebody was wishing stuff on 
>the star and failed miserably.  I wrote it in 
>the summer before seventh grade and performed it 
>at a mini talent show my brother, cousins and I 
>performed for the adults and older cousins who were visiting for Easter.
>The second, "Why did you Run Away, Mae?" is sad, 
>I know.  I wrote it right after seventh grade 
>when I had lots of stuff going on in my life (and after I wrote it I cried.)
>Keep in mind, for the first one you probably 
>know the tune, but I've sung the second one too.  They still do work as poems.
>Is there any way I can improve these?
>Thanks.
>Vejas
>
>
>
>
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Brad Dunsé

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." --John Wayne

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