[stylist] Eve's Writing prompt
Chris Kuell
ckuell at comcast.net
Thu Nov 8 14:12:53 UTC 2012
Hi Eve,
Your piece is filled with passion, which is always good. I actually agree
with what Bridgit wrote, that I'd like to see some quotes to illustrate the
claims you mentioned, but that somewhat depends on what your purpose in
writing is. When I read a piece like this, the professional writer in me
thinks -- this would make a good op-ed piece, and I want some quotes and
references to back it up. But, for a blog post, what you wrote is fine.
One thing I think you could work on is semi-colons. You use a lot of them,
too many in my opinion. For example, you wrote:
If we wish to be led by a Bishop; we need to go to church, not become one.
I'd suggest using a comma there instead of a semi-colon, or use a period and
make it 2 sentences:
If we wish to be led by a Bishop, we need to go to church. Not become one.
I think this is a powerful sentence, and you may even want to end the piece
with it. Nice job.
chris
More information about the Stylist
mailing list