[stylist] Learning Project Writing Plays

[Eve Sanchez]

Keitei, Thanks for resending me the script. I like where it is going and I
believe with more time to work out the details and to create a full play
with perhaps a few acts, you are going to have something wonderful. Well,
this is not a critique. This is a learning project and I question the
beginning. It seems that it is a combination of scene setting and then
narrative of what the audience sees during performance. Is this correct? I
was thinking it should be scene setting alone and not mention what the
audience sees as that becomes too 'story telling'. Not sure on what is
proper though. Perhaps if you are unsure you could check this with your
instructor for clarification. I would appreciate it. Another thing is that
when writing a story or paper of pretty much any sense you introduce the
characters and what-have-yous as a formal description and then fall into
the more comfortable tag from then on. Boy, I am not making myself clear
here. What I mean is for example... General Motors becomes GM. Thomas
Edison becomes Edison or Thomas. Queen Elizabeth II becomes the queen. In a
script though, I do not think this rule applies. The actor reading the
script knows his character's name and so that should not change. The
audience does not read the script, or at least it is not written for them.
I think if the character is listed as Anchorman 1 he should stay as
Anchorman 1. If you want him to be Frank he should start out that way.
Perhaps you could tag him as Anchorman Frank. It would make it much clearer
to choose one or another and should not be both. I have never written a
script, but have read many when I used to perform in the theater, so if I
am wrong on this I apologise, but I do not think so. About the story, I
have a question. Do you live SLC? Would they talk like this on the local
news? I come from Idaho Falls, which is way more extreme than SLC by far
and they at least try to be discrete on their prejudices dictated by the
church. Not always successfully, but...  Well, I really encourage you to
keep working on this and create something that will be important. Thank you
for taking on such a subject and thank you for taking on this project. ;)
Eve

On Thu, Nov 22, 2012 at 7:37 PM, Aine Kelly-Costello <ainekc at orcon.net.nz>wrote:

> Hi Keitei,
>
> I really like this script , good job! I agree with Chris though-would like
> to see what happens! Just one minor thing I noticed: the description of
> what Katharine is doing sometimes jumps into the past tense, accidentally,
> it seems.  I am referring to this part:
> ?
> Katharine walked in circles around the small living room.  It looked like
> pacing.  Finally, she takes a seat on the couch.  The microwave dings and
> Katharine jumps up.  She rushed to the microwave and opens the door.
>  Inside the microwave sat a mug of tea.
>
> ?
>
> Good work though!
>
>
> Aine
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Chris Kuell" <ckuell at comcast.net
> To: <kec92 at ourlink.net>, "Writer's Division Mailing List" <
> stylist at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Thu, 22 Nov 2012 19:05:09 -0500
> Subject: Re: [stylist] Learning Project Writing Plays
>
>  Hey Keitei,
>
> Thanks for sharing your script so far.  My first comment is that I was
> disappointed it ended! I was getting into it, and yet it isn't finished.
>  It
> strikes me as a solid start, and obviously covers a deep, important topic.
>  I
> did see a couple of minor typos, and I wondered why, in act 2, Angel needed
> to toss the rock at Catharine's window, since Angel had already called on
> the phone.  My other comment is that I'd like to see more character
> development, although if this is a 5 or even 10 minute play, there's not a
> lot of time for that.  You might want to make it longer.
>
> On a side note, yet related to your play and the youtube video you sent,
> have you ever seen 'Dog Sees God'? I went to see it last spring at our
> community theatre, and it was probably the most powerful show I've ever
> seen.  At our theatre, they ended with the actors reading bios of young
> people who have committed suicide over being bullied about their sexual
> orientation.  I don't think a single person in the audience or on stage
> wasn't crying when they finished.  It's a tragedy that quite simply has to
> stop.
>
> Thanks for sharing,
>
> chris
>
>
>
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