[stylist] my response to chris's prompt: re-post

[Eve Sanchez]

Vejas, I think you need to listen to real dialogue and put your characters
into your life. If you were them, talking to someone, how would you say it.
Practice the lines out loud and see what sounds natural. That is my best
suggestion. As for whether the story was funny or sad, well, frankly,
neither. I thought it was very unrealistic. On the other hand, I think that
if you worked on making things flow more naturally and expanded the story
to explain how things like this could possibly occur in real life with out
administrator involvement, then, it might work out into being something. I
hope this helps. Sorry I had not responded earlier. I never did see a
previous post as you said you had sent. Eve

On Sun, Feb 10, 2013 at 9:46 PM, vejas <brlsurfer at gmail.com> wrote:

> Eve,
> Thanks for taking a look at it.
> Do you have any suggesttions so that I can make the dialogue better?
> Also, did you think it was funny or sad? I could see someone thinking
> either way.
> Vejas
>
> Thanks.
> Vejas
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Eve Sanchez <3rdeyeonly at gmail.com
> To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org
> Date sent: Sun, 10 Feb 2013 21:14:13 -0800
> Subject: Re: [stylist] my response to chris's prompt: re-post
>
> Vejas, This is a short story with less than 2 thousand words.  I would
> seriously suggest not designating chapters when they are more like
> paragraphs.  Sharpen up the dialogue and edit  and you might just have
> something there.  Eve
>
> On Sun, Feb 10, 2013 at 8:07 PM, vejas <brlsurfer at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Hi,
> I sent my prompt in on Friday, but I'm not sure whether anyone got it.
>  I'm thinking that possibly my subject of "my short story" wasn't very
> clear, since it was right in the middle of other threads.  Or maybe my
> story's just too long (1556 words).
> Here it is again, with spelling corrections, in case anyone still wants to
> look at it.
> I'd really appreciate your feedback on it, and I want to say thank you to
> anyone who looks at it.  I'm sorry if there were any problems.
> Thanks.
> Vejas
>
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