[stylist] try at a rondeau

[Barbara Hammel]

Okay, here’s my first attempt at a rondeau.  I think it’s terrible and something is wrong with it but I can’t figure out how to fix it.

A rondeau is a fifteen-line poem, each line generally consisting of eight syllables but that’s not set in stone.  The rhyme scheme is: quintet is a a b b a, quatrain is a a b r(efrain wich is the beginning of line one), the sestet is a a b b a r.
First of all, I started out with perfect rhyme but ran out of wrods – this would be the end words: sorrow, tomorrow, borrow, marrow and burrow.  Does this detract from it as much as I think it does?
Well, here’s the poem, and I’ll attach it, too.
Barbara


     PIECES



PIECES of the rainbow lie there,

Bits of color everywhere,

Fragments of forgotten sorrow,

Shards of hopes for joys tomorrow,

>From darkest blues to pinks so fair.



Once, this rainbow graced the air,

A shimmering arc with shine to spare,

Plenty of hues one could borrow,

Pieces of the rainbow.



But gravity was wont to share,

So grabbed the whole without a care,

And buried it within Earth's marrow,

Shattering it in its burrow,

A puzzle seeming past repair.

Pieces of the rainbow.






Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. -- Carl Sandburg
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