[stylist] Taking the Fall for Federationism

[Jacobson, Shawn D]

Chris

Thanks for going over this.  I can always count on you for a good critique of my work.

If I pursue this piece further, I will definitely make the changes you suggest.  I'm not sure just how polite I was asking for directions after falling (pain tends to make me an ass) but I will revisit the question.

As for cane use, I will not argue with the "true blue Federationists" about the efficacy of the white cane in most situations.  Having said that, most of the blind people with canes I have seen fall I would classify as "true blue Federationists".  The punch line is, just because you have a stick out in front of you, you can't get away with not paying attention to what you're doing just as just because you have sight, you can't get away with being stupid.  Thus the technique of cane travel is an aide; not magic.

Anyway, thanks once again.

Shawn

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Kuell
Sent: Monday, January 28, 2013 2:44 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Taking the Fall for Federationism

Shawn,

I can certainly relate to this piece. I won't bother to detail all my falls, but I've broken bones and gotten some pretty impressive scars.

As for your piece, I'd recommend you consider writing it entirely in the past tense. For me, the present tense makes it a little awkward and not as smooth.

"Where is 77 K St. NW?" I ask an older black gentleman you had seen me go down.
CK - I'd recommend you be more polite in your questioning, even if that is accenting the creative aspect of this piece. It's a little thing, but my mother drilled it into my head. And, I think you meant to use 'who', although I don't think that sentence is particularly smooth.

My job isn't to discuss philosophy on this list, but I can pretty much promise you that most true blue NFBers will argue that you stand a better chance of not falling when you use a cane.

First, the coat followed by my shoe bag, then I empty my pockets into the tray proved for such things.
CK - provided?

I like the theme of this piece a lot, and think you successfully completed the task of writing a creative non-fiction piece.

chris

 


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