[stylist] new poem

[Lynda Lambert]

I agree with Barbara.
The other thing that I would do is to go back and see about eliminating some 
of the "I's" in the beginnings of most of the lines - they become redundant.

While reading this, I kept having a feeling I have read this before. I did 
not know it was a "book" speaking, but when I got to the end, I was certain 
I had read this before - maybe you published it somewhere else? or Maybe I 
read something similar to this, a poem that gives a "voice" to a book? Or 
maybe you were influenced by another poem like this one? It definitely 
echoed another work I had read before though.

Overall, It's a nice idea and I think if you edit it down a bit more, remove 
the places where it gets clogged by use of too many words, it will be a 
cleaner poem and flow better.

Lynda (River Woman) Lambert

724 758 4979

My Blog:  http://www.walkingbyinnervision.blogspot.com
My Website:  http://lyndalambert.com






----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Barbara Hammel" <poetlori8 at msn.com>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, March 26, 2013 11:31 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] new poem


> The ending surprised me.  I was thinking all the way through, "this is 
> weird to write about a person."
> I like the poem.
> One thing, though.  The first stanza flowed along nicely but then you 
> tried to fit too many words in a line and it got clunky.
> Barbara
>
>
>
> Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. -- Carl Sandburg
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Kyle woodard
> Sent: Tuesday, March 26, 2013 8:21 PM
> To: Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: [stylist] new poem
>
> Hello, here is a new poem I just wrote that I wanted to share and get some
> feedback on, if you wouldn't mind. It is tentatively called treasure i
> would appreciate any feedback or thoughts you have on this poem. Later 
> Kyle
> Woodard
>
>
> I am silent when others are loud,
> I am humble when others are proud.
> I sit in silence most of the time,
> However I am no voiceless mime.
>
> I talk in the silence when no one is there to listen,
> I cry in the dark where no one can see my eyes glisten.
> I listen to all who smile, cheer worry, cry and doubt,
> I give wisdom and comfort to those who seek me out.
>
> So who am I this selfless wonder?
> So what am I some precious jewel or pirates plunder?
> To what name do I give myself?
> I am nothing more than an old dusty book on the shelf
>
>
> -- 
> Wallace Kyle Woodard IV
> (512) 992-6346
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