[stylist] Sharing a pantoum -Adding Color to your work

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Shawn,

Lynda has provided much better insight and commentary than I ever could,
but I try to comment on posts with writing, so I give you this:

I like the pacing. It's fresh and sharp, much like the landscape of your
poem.

The use of *jewel blue* provides a lot of visual stimulation and yet
it's a single description. Talk about packing a punch in a very precise,
concise manner.

This poem comes across emotive as well. Good job.

Bridgit
Message: 21
Date: Fri, 29 Mar 2013 10:09:00 -0400
From: "Jacobson, Shawn D" <Shawn.D.Jacobson at hud.gov>
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List' <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] Sharing a pantoum -Adding Color to your work
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<44EB7EEFF5A7374B9043B34E0A44139A496845AB37 at EXMAIL07A.exh.prod.hud.gov>
	
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OK, after reading your pentoum, I was inspired to try one of my own.

Shawn

Peak view
by Shawn Jacobson

At altitude, the sky shows jewel blue,
above the lowland's murky air.
Across this sacred sky
clouds sail on sharp edged, distinct.

Above the lowland's murky air,
I turn my gaze westward.
Clouds sail on sharp edged distinct
above majestic mountains.

I turn my gaze westward
to where Pike's Peak stands tall,
Above majestic mountains
where my soul would fly.

To where Pike's Peak stands tall,
far from my lowland exile,
to where my soul would fly.
I would seek mountain mysteries.

Far from my lowland exile
across this sacred sky,
W would seek mountain mysteries.
At altitude, the sky shows jewel blue.