[stylist] Atty Rose, a late critique of your RE: Flash fiction

[Jackie Williams via stylist]

Atty Rose,
I did not respond to your story for several reasons. You had many excellent
critiques as to the mechanics of the story and the characters. Also, you
said you were submitting it to a science fiction magazine. I was unsure of
my response to the content. After weeks of mulling over your story, I want
to make some comments that you might consider only if your story, as is, has
not received consideration.
Some years ago, I read Ray Kurzweil's book, "The Singularity." His vision
was that by 2029, a man's brain and bio-medical profile could be uploaded to
a computer and become a wondrous human capable of many things, both good and
possibly evil. He engaged the moral as well as the practical questions of
such an advance.
It turns out, that first they have to be able to upload the complete DNA
sequence of a worm, and beyond that, figure out how human consciousness
works, before they can try it for a human.
There is a movie out now, called, "Transcendence," starring Johnny Depp,
which I will not be able to see, but may go anyway to see if I can hear it.
Getting to your story, It left me unsatisfied in several areas. 
	Carly is an E-girl. What do you mean? A digital amalgam of
artificial intelligence, nano-technology, a brain interface,  produced by
whom? Her parents? A corporation? Her brother accused her of interchanging
e-mails with another girl who is just made up by someone. That happens all
the time right now. How is she different from this girl.
If her parents had choices in this e-girl, why    did they not choose a
likable character. In fact, what are her personal traits besides refusing to
do her share of tasks in the household. Where is the mom that both  children
keep yelling for.
Does anyone control this e-girl, and how old was she at her appearance in
this home?
You can indeed say your story is a success by the     intellectual activity
it brings about? It is that I need to always know more, and like some kind
of closure to my many questions.
Since writing about such subjects now has become the rage, and the
technology has almost erased the word, "fiction" from the genre, "Science
Fiction," you really, in my opinion, have to keep up with all the research.
You obviously have done a lot, but give me a reason for this girl existing
and living in this home. 
You have made a good point that an e-girl  can love anyone she pleases, but
anyone can do that right now without being an e-girl.
	Addie, I truly hope that this critique does not discourage you  as
you obviously have talent and interests that appeal to everyone. I just want
you to consider these remarks if you do not seem to be getting anyplace with
this story.
I am sorry I am so late with my critique.
Jackie

"Writing a poem is easy, like swimming into a fish trap.
Analyzing a poem is hard, , like swimming out of a fish trap.
from "You Must Revise Your  Life," by William Stafford


-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Atty Rose
Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2014 9:50 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: [stylist] Flash fiction

Hi all, here is my try at flash fiction. I am going to submit it to Daily
Science fiction. I belong to their list and enjoy the little scenes they
post.

I hope the attachment works.

Atty