[stylist] Atty Rose, a late critique of your RE: Flash fiction

[Atty Rose via stylist]

Not at all. Karly is a flesh and blood girl in love with an imaginary girl. 
I guess that wasn't clear.

Thanks for reading it!

Also i was trying to keep the story under 1000 words.
Flash fiction.

Thank you,
Atty

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jackie Williams via stylist" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, May 13, 2014 1:51 PM
Subject: [stylist] Atty Rose, a late critique of your RE: Flash fiction


> Atty Rose,
> I did not respond to your story for several reasons. You had many 
> excellent
> critiques as to the mechanics of the story and the characters. Also, you
> said you were submitting it to a science fiction magazine. I was unsure of
> my response to the content. After weeks of mulling over your story, I want
> to make some comments that you might consider only if your story, as is, 
> has
> not received consideration.
> Some years ago, I read Ray Kurzweil's book, "The Singularity." His vision
> was that by 2029, a man's brain and bio-medical profile could be uploaded 
> to
> a computer and become a wondrous human capable of many things, both good 
> and
> possibly evil. He engaged the moral as well as the practical questions of
> such an advance.
> It turns out, that first they have to be able to upload the complete DNA
> sequence of a worm, and beyond that, figure out how human consciousness
> works, before they can try it for a human.
> There is a movie out now, called, "Transcendence," starring Johnny Depp,
> which I will not be able to see, but may go anyway to see if I can hear 
> it.
> Getting to your story, It left me unsatisfied in several areas.
> Carly is an E-girl. What do you mean? A digital amalgam of
> artificial intelligence, nano-technology, a brain interface,  produced by
> whom? Her parents? A corporation? Her brother accused her of interchanging
> e-mails with another girl who is just made up by someone. That happens all
> the time right now. How is she different from this girl.
> If her parents had choices in this e-girl, why    did they not choose a
> likable character. In fact, what are her personal traits besides refusing 
> to
> do her share of tasks in the household. Where is the mom that both 
> children
> keep yelling for.
> Does anyone control this e-girl, and how old was she at her appearance in
> this home?
> You can indeed say your story is a success by the     intellectual 
> activity
> it brings about? It is that I need to always know more, and like some kind
> of closure to my many questions.
> Since writing about such subjects now has become the rage, and the
> technology has almost erased the word, "fiction" from the genre, "Science
> Fiction," you really, in my opinion, have to keep up with all the 
> research.
> You obviously have done a lot, but give me a reason for this girl existing
> and living in this home.
> You have made a good point that an e-girl  can love anyone she pleases, 
> but
> anyone can do that right now without being an e-girl.
> Addie, I truly hope that this critique does not discourage you  as
> you obviously have talent and interests that appeal to everyone. I just 
> want
> you to consider these remarks if you do not seem to be getting anyplace 
> with
> this story.
> I am sorry I am so late with my critique.
> Jackie
>
> "Writing a poem is easy, like swimming into a fish trap.
> Analyzing a poem is hard, , like swimming out of a fish trap.
> from "You Must Revise Your  Life," by William Stafford
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Atty Rose
> Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2014 9:50 AM
> To: Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: [stylist] Flash fiction
>
> Hi all, here is my try at flash fiction. I am going to submit it to Daily
> Science fiction. I belong to their list and enjoy the little scenes they
> post.
>
> I hope the attachment works.
>
> Atty
>
>
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