[stylist] Poem - "Paper Minds" - Second Draft

[Lynda Lambert]

this is all  very good and helpful advice from Jackie.  Good Luck, Bill and 
keep us in the loop as we are rooting for you whatever you  decide to do. 
Lynda

-----Original Message----- 
From: Jackie Williams via stylist
Sent: Sunday, November 16, 2014 2:05 PM
To: 'William L Houts' ; 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Poem - "Paper Minds" - Second Draft

Bill,
Where did your quote at the bottom come from? Could not find it anywhere.
Sophie, whyfore have you eat'd..."
After praising all of your poetry, I want to share some more detailed
critiquing with you. I tried to make corrections on your poem to send back,
but Outlook would not accept them, so I will just make some general remarks.
I do this because I want you to submit this somewhere because of the
content.
Let us talk about format first:
Most poetry contests do not want double spacing or size 14 font, unless
specifically stated. This might happen in a publication for the blind, but
not in other contests or chapbooks.
So with single  spacing, it will fit on one page with its 27 lines.
Also, you might think about separating it into stanzas. Using what felt like
natural breaks to me, I came up with four or possibly five stanzas which
would still make it fit on one page with your info at the top.
Your spell checker should pick up all words stuck together with no spaces,
of which you have two or three, and also tell you about capitals. You might
have to go word by word to find all periods followed by a space and a
capital if not. Example, "A doctor" instead of "a doctor."
The simple things like this will disqualify even the best of poems. I have
learned the hard way, and I still make errors, so I usually have a sighted
person eyeball them for strange things like a change of font out of nowhere.
Incidentally, you have two words, "news of" underlined  which may or may not
be intended. Perhaps you copied this from an article, so it does not quite
fit in looks.
There is a task analyzer  available, but I find it confusing to use, but
perhaps you would not.
I hope these comments do not offend. I do not know your circumstances, and
if you have someone with you who takes an interest in your poetry. I do not,
but my aide uses the computer and when I have all of my entries ready, she
will check for red and green lines, change of font style, page numbering,
stanza break signals, etc.  It is part of her work of doing mail, bills,
telephone calls, and so forth in case I have made mistakes.

I kind of like Lynda's idea of a chap book by Kinko's as a starter. It would
give you all kinds of practice in getting a theme, or themes seperated, and
sorting content.
Good luck in whatever you attempt.
Jackie

Time is the school in which we learn.
Time is the fire in which we burn.
Delmore Schwartz

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of William L
Houts via stylist
Sent: Tuesday, November 04, 2014 7:59 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: [stylist] Poem - "Paper Minds" - Second Draft


-- 
Hey Blinks,

Wrote this one last night, and since then have gone through it several
times.  It interests me in particular because the idea of the "paper mind"
has been orbiting my mind for many years and I've just now done something
about  it. That, among other things, is what poets are for, I guess.


--Bill


---


Paper Minds

Poet of a certain age, I once wrote

on paper, luxurious and grinning

in the grip of my pen,

meeting the page like some

rocket landing on the thinnest of moons

and wild with letters aborning.

So styling, I took receipt

of high diverse news:of dreaming dogs,

of purple suns, of killers wielding flower guns.

a doctor of strangest truths,

or so it seems to me.

And thus I've hatched a hundred

poems, or maybe three. And reading

them, I found they knew their subjects

better than I, as though the silvery

fish gave lessons on reels and rods

to shocked and fainting anglers.

Therefore, I sometimes call my child of pen,

my poem, a paper mind:

it knows so much of dreads

and raptures full of rampant sight,

I stand in gladness of

these goddess works, brow-born, fast

and fierce as eagles on the wing.

These poems might know what I do not, I sing,

and offer wise which can't be taught.
















"Oh, Sophie!  Whyfore have you eated all de cheeldren?"

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