[stylist] The Golgotha Tarot

Wed Jul 29 20:39:38 UTC 2015

Bill,

I've been thinking more on your story since initially reading it. Chris does
make a good point that I failed to mention. This piece does have humor and
potential. There's definitely a market out there for stories like this. Also
Weird Tales or Goldfish Grimm's Spicy Fiction Sushi are two possible
publications. It does need a lot more editing, but as always, I wouldn't
comment if I didn't think there was something there, smile.

I still think the POV switch needs to be addressed. And I think we need a
little more info upfront. And Chris is right that sometimes the change in a
character is that there is no change, or in the case of Alexander, he
decides he no longer wants this life, but I think it needs to be clearer,
that's all.

And the parts I was most invested in were when we get backstory on the
Master, and at the end when Alexander seemingly walks away from this life.
Ultimately it's your story, and you need to take it where you see fit, but
just something to consider as you flesh things out.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Kuell
via stylist
Sent: Wednesday, July 29, 2015 3:12 PM
To: 'Writers' Division Mailing List' <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Cc: Chris Kuell <ckuell at comcast.net>
Subject: Re: [stylist] The Golgotha Tarot

Hey Bill,

This was actually a fairly longish short story, in my opinion. For future
reference, you might want to mention that.

        I.            Having said that, I think you have a very entertaining
story here. Sure, it needs a lot of editing, but I think it's worth the
trouble. Plus, you learn a lot by doing many edits (less likely to make
those same mistakes again). 

I didn't mind the POV shift, as I understood when the protagonist was
speaking/thinking, and when Klinghoffer was. But, Bridgit was right in
saying you could make that clearer and smoother. I love the sense of humor,
the irony, the cockiness of the piece. And I actually found the ending
satisfying. Without looking, the student saw the teacher as someone he
didn't want to be, and left. There's your change.

Take some time to rework this, and I think you could find someone to publish
it. Bewildering Stories, perhaps.

Chris

Bridgit already gave you an excellent critique, so I won't take the time to
do the same. However, you should definitely appreciate the time she put in
to it, and realize that writing quality fiction is an art, and takes a lot
of work.

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